I hate my life
OH. Did i mention today is ALLEN'S birthday? The day i've been trying to push to the back of my head so much. But it keeps popping up.. WHY? Why do i want to push it away so badly? Cos i want so much to spend it with him. But i know its close to impossible.. Plus. I've been trying hard to love him.. But yet forget that i lost him. Constant struggle to be happy without him. Wish i could say we at least have some connections. But trust me. We dont... Im as good as a dead person for 10 years... Wait. No im worse... Im as good as a stranger.. Cos at least people mourn for dead people after death... But nobody mourns for a stranger... So fuck yea...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALLEN LIU WEIQIANG....!!! I WISH YOU LONGEVITY AND STUFF!!! WISH YOU GET ALL THE HAPPINESS YOU CAN FIND... YAY!!! HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY!!! WOO HOOOO!!! Have a good one .... =)
Im no where near where i want to be with him... and i dont intend to feel all sorrowful and depressed for the whole of today or any other day anymore. Not because ive gotten over him or because im pissed at him for leaving the way he did. But just because now, i want to live. I see my family everyday. And i want to live. and thinking about him makes me want to die. the only reason why i chill out lesser with friends and go out lesser is because i need more family. Because family gives me the strength and the faith to stay alive. And because i realise friends just come and goes too. And i hate that connection that everyone has. The connection that all of them, can actually choose to leave... I dont like emotions too much recently. And all the only emotion which is LOVE that i can feel is at home.
So im a home person now. I dun like to go out and see people living their fantasy. Or at least act like they are in fantasy land. Cos everyone's a bitch. everyone lies and pretends. But i dont hate everyone. Afterall, we're just trying to survive right? I pretend too... I pretend like i care. When i dont... Really... I dont...I'm just using you... And if you're doubting my friendship as you read this? Then fuck you. You're the kind that will leave me..
So let's put THAT aside and.... IT'S ..... pictures time!! =) ENJOY... I love you guys... Haha... Imafuckinghypocrite.. =)