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mandy-low @blogspot.com ♥
Thursday, July 01, 2010

I have more pictures to share. But im too lazy to blog. I dun like the place im in now. I dont want to meet anyone. Dont want to see anyone. Dont want to hear motivational quotes and wise words. I dont want to do anything except pretend to be happy. And I only want to be home. With my family. I dont want to go anywhere ... Unless its on a far far away holiday for a long long time. But yet, i know whatever i want. I cant do. Because somehow somewhere in there i know ill miss some friends. And i cant bear to keep pushing them away. Somehow i need them too. Feels nice to be cared for.




But i just dont like the feeling i have now like i wanna prove to myself i dont need anyone when i know someway somehow sometimes i do need some people. I dont like how people make me feel and i sure as hell dont like the way i make people feel. I dun want to be mean and heartless but i realise, everyone else is. No one really care much about you. There's always a limit to how much love they give or much much concern they share with you. And i hate that limit because it means that when the limit is breached, bad things start to happen to make you feel that the good times before that moment doesnt matter. Bad things always conquer good things... =(


Well, on a brighter note. I have never been late for work. Im so proud of myself. Well lets not jinx this pattern.


Fuck i hate the boredom i get from this job. =( BUDDEN!!! Im starting to make friends with the technicians and engineers. So they're nice people. =) LOL. I have this bugging feeling that its because im a girl. LOL. They dunno me man. LOL. Im not REALLY a girl. Not the kind i BET they think i am anyway.. =) Im not sweet or innocent and nice. Im not friendly and understanding. Im not fun and outgoing. Not anymore anyways.


But thats life. You always have to live to the status quo. I have to keep up the rep if i wanna survive. THATS LIFE FOR YOU. FULL OF PRETENCE. FULL OF SURFACE MATERIALISTIC-ISM... =( FUCK LIFE.. I'll pray for dooms day... Or talking about dooms day.


This happened last night before sleeping.



ME : "Bryan, are you afraid of death?"
BRYAN : "YES"
ME : "WHY?"
BRYAN : "DUNNO..."
ME : "DO YOU THINK DOOMSDAY IS COMING?"
BRYAN : " DUNNO. MAYBE?"
ME : "I MEAN LIKE 2012 KINDA STUFF Y'KNOW...?"
BRYAN : " YAAAA... I KNOW.... I DONT THINK IT WILL BE 2012 LAAA..."
ME : "WHY?"
BRYAN : "DUNNO?"
ME : " WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE SCARIEST WAY TO DIE ?"
BRYAN : " ZOMBIESS!!!!"
ME : " WHAAAAT? WHY??? COS THEY EAT UP YOUR FLESH? "
BRYAN : "YUP. HAVE YOU WATCHED SILENT HILLS?"
ME : "NOPE... "


I dunno.. It's conversations like that with my little justin bubble that makes me feel like i dun really want doomsday after all. Cos i dun want him to die. And because... I wanna see him grow up strong and smart and handsome... Everyone needs a sibling, needs family. To love, to share, to fight, to snatch, to look up to, to get jealous over, and to have that reason to continue to grow up... So yea... I got 4 good reasons... My mum, my dad, Bryan, and Wilson. =)


SONGS I HEARD OVER THE RADIO THATS NICE.. =)