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Friday, April 28, 2006

I've been hearing many complains about my school and it's strict rules or some might say unreasonable way of handling things. I agree to a certain degree because i'm sure there are some teachers that resort to all kinds of threatening because they cannot handle us with their own way of teaching. So it's DETENTION for us...! Or "Your mother will be hearing from me soon!" Well, this methods do not scare me. Because 1, they never actually DId call my parents. Be it lacking of balls because they know ill find a way out somehow, or they just think that the sentence alone can scare me to do my work. How dumb teachers can get at times.

So, some people say that it's really effed up how our school's discipline measures work. They threaten us with hours of detention and four minor offences make up to a major offence that might put you up on the BETA form? I never really trusted that information because if that was really to be the case, i'm sure 3/4 of the school is bound to end up with a BETA record by now. How can you be so sure that you won't be late FOUR times in one year??? Situations happen, my dear.. =) Sometimes they just don't get it. We're students. We don't control the traffic.

They tell us that at this age we go through many stages of our lifes. and we learn many things. But do they think of that when they breathe down our neck just cos we forgot the thermometer? Do they think that we might be going through teenage problems when they call up our parents just to tell them that we have not passed up ONE homework? Do they consider the possibilty that we might be under teenage distress when they send us to the principal office for showing attitude? They tell us that at this point of life, it's difficult for us to manage our own emotions. But do they tell this to our parents when they call? None that i actually know of... Saddening case.... I mourn over the fact that teachers tell us so many things and make sure we remember them by heart and follow them.. But they themselves forget what they've told us. It's just really confusing. No wonder teenagers jump down buildings just because they have small dicks. No wonder kids these days run away from home or slash their wrists for no good reason.

Well, i skipped school today because my throat still hurts like f***.. Although the painkiller really works wonders!! I love this doctor... =) Plus the painkiller tastes like chocolates. Which i can't have because of the damned throat.. So i can't wait for my next dose... Haha. that's weird. No one i know of loves taking medicines. Especially not PAINKILLERS!! Wow... Oh heck! Anyways, by this, i'm skipping mother tongue paper! That i don't really give a shit because even if i do it, im bound to fail it... So i don't give a f*** about it. Yet!!! Yet today there is ONE more exam... My English ORAL exam.. Oh gosh, what am i to do??? I CANNOT forgo my english!! But how am i to speak with this throat?? I'll just go "Goooooo...." And ill choke on my saliva and die... So how? So i think im skipping that too... sigh.. I hope im still iable for the written exam.. Hope it's not like DNT.. Natural withdrawn case.. I swear i would cry. english is the one thing im counting on to get an A.. even though Moley might think otherwise... I hope she gets knock down by a bus or something.

That sounded really bad. But i can't take back my words can i? ;) Alright, when she gets knock down by a bus ill go to her funeral ALRIGHT?? Happy? =) Haha. Ok.. I just really hate her lah. She gets on every single nerves of mine. That's why every of her lessons you see my head on my table and eyes close. Cos once it's open my heart burns with hatred and i feel like strangling that old hag. Not everyone seems to agree with me that she's one helluva irritating pest though.. Moufie and Krush seem to be so willing to help her out in almost EVERY way. They even stay back extra minutes to help clear her classroom and help her do things that were meant to be HER job!!! I got frustrated cos i was waiting for them and she kept adding burden to their already heavy burden... Which meant i had to wait somemore!! But luckily my throat hurt really badly so i didn't shout at that old sack.

But i don't understand!! Moufie and Krush seems HAPPY?? They sounded HAPPY to help her!!! That i cannot comprehend!!! She is the most!! IRRITABLE person i have ever met!! I refuse to believe its her age that makes her irritating. Because i have met people older than her and are so much more friendlier and nicer than her. My sympathies for her children because she is already such a burden at this age. Imagine in future.. Sad... Ok.. Her children have the responsibilties cos she apparently gave birth to them. But still, my deepest sympathy... Haha. I have no clue why im being so mean towards her even though we've been treating each other like strangers ever since that incident. I still HATE her... We call this, GRUDGES... It's a girls thing. ;)

Hmmmm, i've learnt almost the whole song of Mimpi Yang Sempurna. Im quite a fast learner huh? I think i learn better when im sick. But the song's kinda jiwang2... Haha. Portray exactly what kinda girl i am... =) Ooooooh!! Today's a FRIDAY!!! Syg's booking out!!! I hope he comes to TP... Im way too sick to go all the way to Sembawang.. But trust me, i think in the end ill be going out of TP.. Because i need to see that gendeng. Somehow he soothes my day.. Even if the throat feels like a pile of dung, he seems to soothe it.. Just by being THERE!!! It's freaky man.. I swear.. It's not an exaggeration or just a mean of expressing my love for him.. It's LITERALLY TRUE!!! and how dare he say that i should stay home since im sick and see him only when i've recovered!!! If i would have done that, i think my throat will NEVER be okay... =) Sialah.. I just hope he comes to TP and see me lah... I've been exhausting my EZ-link card money like ants on hotplates.. I need to let it rest... Haha.. Love that boy loads...

Aite. My posts have been relatively long these couple of days. I should try to talk less and do more eh? Haha. Okays, so here goes : GOODBYE MY FRIENDS!!!
Thursday, April 27, 2006

mungkinkah bila ku bertanya
pada bintang-bintang
dan bila ku mulai merasa
merasa kesunyian
aku yang berjalan
dalam kehampaan
semua dalam keraguan

*aku dan semua yang terluka
karena kita
aku kan menghilang
dalam pekat malam
lepas ku melayang
biarlah ku bertanya
pada bintang-bintang
tentang arti kita
dalam mimpi yang sempurna

I absolutely love this song. Clarissa recommended it to me.. 
And im trying to learn it. =) Although i don't quite know the meaning of the lyrics yet. 
Im sure i'll get the translation from my vgs or syg.
Anyways, im sick. I skipped half of school today. 
My daddy have to come fetch me while i 
rested in the sick bay for an hour because my daddy had an appointment to catch. 
Well, can't complain much except my throat really really hurts. 
I can't even swallow my saliva. I went to see the doctor just now and i had an 
injection that is making my arm really painful. 
I had totaly spent 75 bucks on my doctors fee so far. The doctor told me that it's really bad. 
The surface of my throat is all teared. It sounded really scary. 
But the doctor keep saying that im such a poor thing because i couldn't even 
open my mouth for her to check. Lol.. And i was feeling screwed 
cos i haven't had a jab since dunno when.. A little nervous... Plus i was alone. 
I don't want to emphasize on how i was feeling lah. But the throat hurts. 
Plus i have bad news!! the sweet sweet doctor told me that i wouldn't
 be able to eat solid food for quite some time. until my throat heals. 
HOLY!!! How am i to survive?!?! I haven't eaten ANYTHING for 3 days!! 
I'm dying of hunger!! I'm so freaking hungry but i can't eat for nuts!! 
Stupid damn throat. Cut it off ah!!! I see those people eat with the mouth 
open wide and big i feel like strangling myself. I want to eat so badly!!! 
Plus yesterday was fried food day!! And today was nasi briyani day!! I swear!! 
Ialmost freaked out and ran out of school seeing them eat. Plus they offered me food!!!
 I might have biten quite a few heads off for insensitive comments of remarks. 
I apologise. This is by far the most painful thraot thingy i ever felt. 
so i apologise if i said anything mean to you when you talked to me 
or if i showed you a face when you wave. 
OH!! Today is Fateha's birthday!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DARLING MOUFIE!!
Im sorry i can't spend it with you. I hope you have a great time with your loved ones. 
Hope you like the presents the vgs made up for you too!!
I wish you happy years ahead and i wanna thank whoever that's responsible
for adding you to my life cos it really changed me quite alot.. =) I love you babe. Take care.
Well, i still have many many philosophies to talk about. 
My mind is filled my thoughts and words. But i think ill keep it for another time. 
I don't want to stress you people too much too. cos i dunno what you guys are going thru. 
What i might say might trigger some other thoughts that might make bad things happen.
 I don't wanna be responsible for someone else's misery. 
Because im already feeling bad enough as it is.
 I don't need someone slashing her wrist because of words i've said. 
And i also don't want to be prtrayed as a weak and emotional girl. 
I must find back that hard shell i used to have on.. 
I need to get a grip of myself and just prove to peiple and myself that im stronger than this. 
I know i am.. One way, or another. 
=) How weird i can say these encouraging words one minute and 
the next im crying my lungs out shouting for help. 
You wouldn't know. I do it secretly alone. But NOW you know... 
So...... Please, don't tell me you'll be there for me.. Just be there for me... 
Sigh... Forget it.. If i type on i'll cry.. Bye..
(sorry for typing this way. dunno whats wrong with the blogger)
Wednesday, April 26, 2006

It's not always perfect all the time. And im not complaining. I just don't really understand it. I try to comprehend the situations i get myself into. Some consciously some sub-consciously.. I try to make sense of it and try to explain to myself that it isn't entirely my fault that things like this happens. But then i get stumped when i ask myself "Why did it happen?" Because once again, this question i cannot answer...

I move from places to places. I listen to advices, try to induce them into my daily life, try and see if it makes things easier. Behind everything there's a reason. What is mine? What is mine for screwing up ALL the time and being unable to solve my own problems because i cannot manage my own emotions. Wouldn't it be easier if there's a kind of operation that can remove you of all emotions? I would rush to be the first to be experimented on.

Sometimes i feel so very alone. Yet i know that there are so many people around me that cares and still love me. I know that i can just have all the love in the world with just a couple of phone calls. But still i feel so alone. And at times i just want to be hugged and told that everything will turn out alright. Even if my life still stink after 5 years.

I asked myself if im still under depression. I think not but then why do i feel so lost at times? I just sit on my bed and i scream, in pain, in anger, in sadness?? I don't know, really... Then sometimes i plan to study at home, but when i reach home tears took over and i lost the determination/motivation to do anything. I refuse to submit to the fact thatthere's a high chance i might still be in depression. Just that for the past couple of months i have been pushing it way back, trying to keep it down. But how long can i manage it? It's an understaement to be saying "I'm losing it..." Because it is not true. Not even near... Words cannot describe how i feel sometimes. And sense cannot be made of those moments. It confuses me and makes me really really frustrated. But what in the world am i suppose to do?

Im going to have professional help this time. Because i let someone who cared in on some of my secrets. So now he's taken a move. I dunno whether to feel guilty about it or be happy that someone's actually helping me do something about myself. And not let me lose myself in my own problems. He told me that the wall has officially been broken down. Yet is it ever that simple? Im trying. Trying never seemed so simple until he talked to me that day. I told him how about did the wall came to built up. He apologised and admitted his mistake. And so did i... Or at least i really just wanted to hug him and tell him im sorry for not being perfect and understanding.

Was i ever perfect in anyone's eye? Have you ever wonder if you've been seen as someone perfect? Even by people you may not know so well? When my own reflection tells me otherwise, how am i to believe that there is such a someone out there who thinks im perfect? Or even close to perfectly normal? I know im normal. You can say im not so bad, i have all my features at the right places. But everyone has their own problems at different issues and different situations occur to different people at different time. If you come to think of it, almost everything in this world is different and unique. It's just how you see it. So if everyone's different, every thinking will be different, and then every perception of everything is not the same anymore ain't it?? Well, make sense of THAT! Ha!

I have no idea how all these philosophies came about but i guess im feeling rather emotional and like i was told, im not one who can manage my emotions well. Especially not at this age because im going through many changes. I use dto thought im all grown up. But im proven wrong. This time i admit to it... Im a child. Im a child at almost all aspects of my life. I can speak well and advice, but once it's happening to me, i get all curled up on my bed and i cry.. I cry like a child who's lost in the busy big streets of some big city. And then when someone comes over and hug me to tell me that everything will get well, i fall into pieces and foloow the person home. Because there's where i get the comfort. But then i still want my own family. So what do i pick? The passion that lasts only then? Or the love i had always have from my family but unable to see it. Im like that lost child. How do i let go of one to keep the other? It's a difficult choice. Im getting myself more lost. By running around...

Mummy said to "STAY WHERE YOU ARE IF YOU'RE LOST".. But staying where i am is really scary. What if nobody finds me?? Will they come back for me?? You ever felt like that? Well, that's what im feeling now.. I leave you now, thinking im some sort of psycho who thinks way too much. But wouldn't you know? I dont' really give a shit... =)
Sunday, April 23, 2006

Ooooooh~ Life just KEEPS getting better.... Damn.. I have no idea how to decribe what i'm going through now... Seriously, it's beyond words.... But i shall not whine about it here.. I have my private diary for that... =)

Hmmmm, im in a cool and calm mood. Im planning to get my butt down to do some work later. Perhaps in half an hour time...?? Yepps. I need to finish my math worksheets... Piles of them... It's getting scarier by the second. Everyone around me has started mugging for examinations, or at least they portray that image... And all these things my parents and brother are saying to me is making my legs go wobbly.. Will i make it to a good course in poly??? Will i regret later on??? Oh no.......

Anyways, im very disappointed with myself... Within two months... I have managed to quarrel with two teachers... My two language teachers.. Holy ker-moly!!! But the Mrs moley tan one was by far the highest rate of anger... She really pissed me off... But im disappointed with myself for not bearing with it.. Why didn't i just grit my teeth and chilled while she went on with her totaly UNREASONABLE demands??? And my chinese teacher... Why couldn't i just stand for 15 more minutes?? I HAD to do something...

I HAD to go confront the teacher about her unreasonable acts... The chinese teacher one im not guilty at all.. We all know she was being very unreasonable.. She had no right to punish us for making a choice SHE GAVE!! If you give us a choice, dun punish us because the choice we made isn't what you WANT us to make.. It's just plain stupid... And Moley?? That one maybe it's a little of my fault to.. I didn't study for the test.. But i didn't cheat!! That's why i wrote little... Why'd you gotto ask me write a damn letter for my mom to sign?? And why do i have to re-do the test?? You see, i hate it when i pass up first.. Cos then pple get to see the reaction of my paper and they improve theirs by just that tad bit and they freaking get through... I bet there were tons of people who wrote lesser than me...

Oh wells, anyways, she shouted at me.. But somehow our eyes didn't meet.. It was either me or her... But i swear, i was really fuming with rage... This is the how many times that i wanted to just strangle her and pin her down till her heart stops its beat... Sigh... She shouted at me, yah... And then she threw my damn test paper on the floor.. Which enraged me even more... And the ending.. WHOA!! The ending was dramafide.... She said "Fine! If you don't wanna do it? You can leave! Don't need to attend my classes anymore..." WOOOOOO!! I tell you, that was EXACTLY wat i wanted to hear at that moment of time. So i took my bag, shouted "Ok ah! Who gives a fuck?? Like i care lidat!" And i left the class....

Let me explain... I was sick.. My throat was killing me.. And you know her with her unreasonable and fussy demands.. It really got on my last nerves!!! I thought i could peacefully do my damn test and go home rest... Plus i was stressed up over personal issues too!!! And she had to add on to the damn pain in the ARSE!!! Who wouldn't flare up like that? Ok.. Maybe i need a little anger management when it comes to teachers and their demands.. Like i always say, i have a thing against authorities that i just cannot comprehend.. I don't like it when i feel that someone that has power over me is making me do something i don't like.. I know life's like that.. But it sucks alright? And i suck at things that suck!!

Ok.. Wtv.. It's over.. I reckon ill still be attending moleys lessons bcos it's still secondary school. I'll get charged for truancy if i skip her lessons.. Even though she was the one who asked me not to come... She has the authority to win the damn case if it ever got up to the principal... So i shall oblige... But most of the time im sleeping in her class.. And i think she would rather pretend i don't exist too.... She doesn't mark my compositions bcos she says i handed it up late or not with the group.. But i can fucking swaer upon everything i have, i pass it up not only on time, i was amongst the first bunch who passed it up... Next time ill just throw it at her face...

You may say, that if i continue like that i will flunk my english.. You don't know how it feels to be stamped with a reputation of being lazy.. But when you actually do something right, they presume you're doing it wrong because you NEVER do anything right... Like Moley, just bcos i dun pass up my work on time MOST of the time, doesn't mean i can't do it right once in a while... Fuck im still human... bitch... But i;ve told you, i've regretted my actions for shouting back at her.. Not bcos i was in the wrong. But bcos it did nothing to help improve the situation.. And im better than that... I know it... I could have dealt with the stress better but i took the short cut... Which put me in a great deal of danger... Sigh...

Aite. Put that matter aside.. What's done cannot be undone.. I should learn from it and move on.. Life don't stop just because i mumu-ed a teacher upside down... Woooooot~ Life goes on... I will make it thru the rain... This i swear... Haha... Wth.. Im saying all the song lyrics... Lol... cool.... I wonder if i can make a story out of song lyrics.. I'll try it next time yah? Okays, i guess ill go now.. I have a rather nerve wrecking and important and scary appointment to keep later... An appointment with one of the most important man in my life... My father... Wish me luck... Im afriad. Butterflies in my stomach... I need something to keep it down.. sigh.. Life so stink now... =) But ill still carry on!!! I will fight the damn thing til my last breath!! And i bet you my last breth will stink like crazy. Cos i can't rmb if i brushed today... =) Whoops!
Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Shit... I dunno why but im stressed up... Aite.. I duno think ill blog often. Many things i have to concentrate on.. One being my studies... Gosh... I had this year so bad... Why do they even have this kinda huge exams anyways?!!? Assifide mofo...

Well, syg's back in camp. Im bored. I think he's stressed over something i said or did.. i dunno... I dun seem to know anything recently... Like... I dunno lah. It's crazily hectic lah. I dunno how to describe.. Bye...
Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Im back early!! Wow!! Record breaking... I reached home 3.35pm... Holy!! Im amazed!! It's the first time in years since i've been home early.. Feels different.. I guess there's really nothing more in school for me to stay for... Not at this moment at least.. I dun wanna stay in school and see those notorious sec ones fool around and see friends holding hands.. The feeling just screws me over bcos i've lost that feeling... Can't find it... So i guess ill just have to hide out until im ready to come out again..

I really just wanna close my eyes and pretend nothing happened or nothing's happening. Just close it until someone tells me its alright to open my eyes... Syg say i cant close my eyes forever.. I gotta work it out.. But its really feeling rather heavy now. I've a feeling if i TRY to sort it out it will only get worse. But everyone else seem willing to give it a try. So i dun mind. Worse comes to worse either i get more hurt, or i hurt more people. Sigh.. How come the shit seems to come back everytime something good happens.. Maybe i should stop wishing for good stuff and just hope for normal stuff.. Lol.. Wtf is normal stuff anyways?? Define normal for me anyone??

Oh yeah. So i haven't really been studying.. It was all a cover up... I was trying to cheat. but WHO am i kidding?? I cant study. Im not focus enough. I mean my main strength in school seems oh-so-weak now.. So how the fuck am i suppos eto be strong and focus?? Bloody difficult. Yeah. You can tell me its all in the mind, that if i think i can do it i can. But i DUN!!! I dun think i can do it. So fuck... It's all my fault. I agree...

So my mummy knows about Syg. She had this kinda mother daughter talk to me. It felt really awkward bcos Shukur's like the first guy i mentioned at home. I mean the guy that is my boyfriend lah. She told me to becareful and all. And study hard first. And dun submit myself to anyone. always have my arms open for other options. Well, i guess that's just it huh? I think every mother would say that. I think i would too... But i think i would miss out some things my mom said cos it didn't feel right. But it's okay. She's my mom. Watever she's saying might come in handy some time soon... Syg was really nervous about it though. Saying he's not ready and all.. Oh like WTF!?!?!? As if i was ready when i went to his house to MEET his parents!!! And i had to SING in front of his sister cos he forced me to!!! He never fails to make me paiseh... But i still sayang him loads... =) Can't wait to meet him tmr.

Well, i think ill be having a "gathering"?? with my V.Gs tmr.. After cross-country i think. Fucking stupid.. None of my V.Gs running. Including me cos im helping out at the recording table. Oh fuck! I gotta go search for my club tee-shirt... Alah!!! Damn troublesome lah. Then hopefully i can meet my syg... And he can make things seem oh-so-right again... I think we're suppose to go play pool with his friends... I dunno... I scared... Lol.. Like he always say to me "tahu takut"... Urgh... Siala.. He meet my friend he also malu right!??! Then i paiseh he say i gu-niang... Wtf...

Nvm.. Mandy not scared of anything.. Except that particular insect.. Lol.. Mandy PANTANG di Chabar!! Lol... Wtf... It sounds nice lah. although i dun usually say it.. Yeni and Fateha taught me that... Cool eh?? Lol...

Ok.. I thin i should go take my shower now.. Then study a little bit (i hope!!) And then sleep until dinner comes along.. Lol... Adios amigos!!
Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Ok.. So the past one week have been real fruitful.. I got myself into alot of things. Some bad, some good....

Well, i've been kinda busy.. Doing my own stuff... and i think i've neglected my studies quite a bit.. I hope i can still catch up.. Not only did i neglect my studies. I neglected someone very important to me..

To that someone, i dunno if you'll be reading... But i wanna say im sorry.. I really am.. i have never been so sorry bcos of one issue for so long. I feel guilt. I feel bad. And i dun like the way things are now. I tried to talk to you about it but you shrugged it off. I know you have your reasons. So i didn't probe any further. But it hurts. I know, i hurt you too.. I did stupid things again. but i really really love you. You are very very important to me.. Now, it seems like we are not that close anymore but i need you to know i still love you. Im not sure if you're still angry or if the things still bother you. Im sorry. I mean every words in this.. I cannot be without you. You're one friend i HAVE to keep.. Im sorry, i hope you forgive me for whatever i did and i hope we can openly talk about stuff like in the past... I miss the carefree us...

Ok.. I feel really guilty about that. That's why i type it here. I wanna just talk to her about it but i have a feeling that's not the right way to go about it. She's really head strong. And we might end up making things worse. But i just wanna make my feelings known. Yupps.

Oh.. I cut my hair.. I look super cheena-fide now. I dunno how to dscribe it. It's just like SUPER CHEENA-FIDE!!! Like some china girl that got really bored and cut her own hair. Fuck.. It's disgusting. No idea how pple can say its cute. Oh right! I forgot! Cute's an insult....!! Fuck!! And today my eye was swollen. So i had to wear my specs to school. Which got myself a whole lot of "You change specs?!?!" and "You cut your hair!!!!" or sometimes "You look so different!!" ... I feel like some exhibition... I feel weird. Stupid hair... It keep tickling my EYE!!! Urgh...

I rindu my syg.. He's having his dinner now back at mandai camp. Freak!! I can only see him on thursday after he book out... =( I miss him already... I wanna see him.... Lol.. I have yet to take my revenge for making me so embarrassed... Sigh.. I just wanna see him badly... Real badly... He asked me to go play pool and go to the beach with his friend and his friend's girlfriend.. Im lke super paiseh... I dun dare to go see his friend... Some more go swimming some more.. Wah.. My worse fear, having my syg see me in swimming costume... Holy!!! NOOOOO!!! How sia??? I need to find an excuse man.... Think mandy think!! Lol...

Ok... I guess i better go do my homework and some studying... It's about time i start to chiong. I dun wanna wait last minute.. I will crack under the pressure and i tell you, when that happens, big stuff usually comes along.. Well, toodles then!! Til i blog again....!!! =)
Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Ok.. I'm rather on a happy mood now... I have no idea why but i just am.. Maybe cos there's comfort in its own twisted way from the voice that i just heard over the phone.. I dunno... Im telling myself it's all not realistic... Bcos i just made a resolution to be laid back.. And im not gonna let comfort when im feeling down get in its way... Haha..

But seriously, the voice was really soothing, in its own insanely twisted way... i swear.. You'll find me mad if you heard THE voice.. Cos it contains quite a sum of vulgarities and the voice making me feel all bad bcos he say i talk weird... Do i?? Damn.. I gotta change the way i talk?? That's damn hard to change... Haha..

Oh, did i mention that i have a feeling im becoming more back to the cheena-fide me?? Seriously, not only have i tried the chinese food stall in school recently, i even passed my damn chinese test!!! It's a sign man.. Im telling you!! Mandy's becoming cheena once again!!!

Ok.. I gtg... Bye!
Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Arghhhhh!! Im like the most bored person ever now!!! Im bloody bored at home with nothing to do.. Damn.. Is it a sign that i should get more scandals in my life? No... Wait... I have enough on my hands already.. Let's not go too far eh?? Haha... Whoops!! I guess scandalising is just one way to relieve my stress and boredom now... WOOOOT~

Oooooh~ Dang! I passed my chinese test!!! I mean 30/50...!! That's like DAMN!!! Mandy freaking passed her bloody chinese test!!! I told the teacher iw ould treat her to tea/coffee.. And she suggested the one at bishan park.. Im like WHOA!!! Give me a break!! Haha.. Ok.. I owe Samantha one stick of mars... I seriously am bloody shocked and happy when i saw i got 30.. It's been so long since the teacher said "Those who failed you better pull up your socks or you will flunk your o levels" And it wasn't directed at me!!! I swear to god.. You know how happy i was??? I couldn't shut up about it so teck khang had to shut me up by reminding me not to be sucha arrogant fuck because i know how it feels to fail... =) Haha... Actually not really... I never really did care about what kinda grades i got for chinese... It just isn't my thing.. But if i can pass it, i dun resent it...

Dnt today was fruitful... I actually accomplished something.. I actually did a model of my selected idea.. I mean, i look at it and it relatively alright... So i patted myself on the back before i said tata to the teachers and went off.. Really!! the damn model is quite alright... I mean, considering that i suck at DNT... I think i give myself an A2 for it... But the examiner doesn't know me.. So he'll probably grade me a C5.. But its ok... I'm still rather contented with what i did... I love it when i put my heart to it and it turns out better than i expect it to be... It's just a real wonderful feeling... Very little people do that nowadays.. I know of a few whom still have faith in the whole heart shit.. But mostly, they just go "OH WHO GIVES A HECK??" and obviously im one of them, most of the time... But i still get on fine... I think....

Today i got to know of the funniest thing ever. This guy, let's call him Dumbo. Ok. Dumbo used to be someone i rather had feelings for. Dumbo was a very nice person to be with at first but then it all went downhill... So it didn't really worked out with Dumbo. I was really quite okay with it until i got terrible terrible news about Dumbo's side of the story. It got me really fired up and disgusted. But i let it go. Because i knew what goes around comes around and Dumbo would get his desserts.. And apparently, i got my wish!!!! Dumbo like this super adorable girl(perhaps??)... And that super adorable girl, that is not so adorable to me, kinda turned him away!!! The best part is, Dumbo was totally devastated about it... Over this cute little girl that i swear!!! It would have been a scene if i saw them together.. But oh wells, different pple have different tastes.. I couldn't help but laugh my ass off when i think of how hurt Dumbo was feeling being ditched by this cute little innocent girl... My heart goes out to him... But then again, WHO gives a shit!! Haha... Dumbo deserved what he got.... It's called KARMA... Haha...

Ok. So that Dumbo story kinda amazed me. Those who know me will know who this fucktard is.. The rest will just have to guess or wait... Haha... But trust me, DUMBO?? He's dumb like fuck! Dumbo doesn't know that girls just have a way of knowing things. Even if its the wrong things. They just have means of knowing the latest gossips, the dirtiest secrets, and the painful truth.... C'mon... Not all girls are born blonde... =) Haha.. Okok.. Bad stereotyping. I apologise to blondes... I think i've been reading too many blonde jokes from the joke website... It's freaking hilarious...

One goes : One day a blonde was driving pass a farm. She saw another blonde in a boat rowing. But there was no water AT ALL!!! The blonde in the car was enraged and yelled out to the blonde in the boat "HEY!! It's people like you that makes others stereotype us as dumb blonde you dumbass!! If i knew how to swim i would come over there and kick you butt!! "

And t'was, it goes to show how dumb blondes are.. Haha.. You know it's a blonde when she send you a fax with a stamp on it. When she photocopies blank paper. All this are just really cool pokes at blondes... But i believe there are some clever blondes out there.. C'mon!! Millions of blondes and all are dumb?? I don't think that's ever possible... Haha...

Ok.. This is a really long post.. Hope you enjoyed it though... =) Good day!!
Sunday, April 02, 2006

It's a long hard weekend.. Long hard day... Really really feeling screwed... I got a terrible headache since the late afternoon.. Tried to sleep but it still didn't help... Ate panadol but still the sharp pain is still there. Think its a migraine or something.. Hurts real bad at times, and at times i just hear this whistling sound in my brain. WTF.. That's just weird...

So april fool was yesterday... Went out with kak. Had fun... We kinda played a prank on two of my vgs members... Moufie and krush.. Sorry man... Feel bad ah. It was two bored pple having nothing better to do on april fools day... Can't blame right?? Im a evil genius... I was born to do evil.. Haha.. But still, im sorry if i hurt any of your feelings... It was bad.. I know.. Im sorry...

I've been sucha glutton lately... I've been eating and eating.. There's hardly 5 minutes where nothing is in my mouth... Really... I have no idea why but i've been going on a munching craze.. It's stupid and uneccessary but WHY CAN'T IT STOP?!?!?! I just feel the craving for snacks and food all the time... Dammit... Am i making up for lost time?? I mean i wasn't really eating past few months... Now all of a sudden i eat a whole lot?!!?? Makes no sense really.... =)

Ok.. I don't think i've touched any of my homework... Is there even ANY!?!?!? Ok.. Im being the lazy ol' ass me again.. But eh!!! I got headache right!?!??! I dun feel like going to school tmr... It's been a drag going to school... The only thing i go for is so to study and hopefully get good grades for my parents to be proud of... And my V.Gs... The rest i simply just don't really give a shit anymore.. It's too painful and tiring to give a shit... So i'd just rather lay back, and see the shit unfold itself... =)

Think the headache is getting to me... Im kinda temperamental now.. I think its best i stay away from any human being. Lest i throw my temper at them and cause major avoc in my laid back life... Haha.. Like since WHEN am i ever laid back?? Am i??? Lol.. Dunno lah... I wanna be laid back.. More laid back then i already am... It's hard trying to be strong both inside and out... But im trying ah.. At least i HOPE im trying... =)

Why do i put a "=)" after every paragraph? I swear, i didn't notcie until the last paragraph.. Damn... I think im too miley faced.. Should try to end that.. =) Haha. Ok.. I did it again.. But nvm... Slowly i shall quit using those darn smiley faces.. It's gonna ruin my reputation.. Haha... You know what i feel like doing now? I feel like eating... Crap!! See what i told you?!?!?! I can't stop eating?!?!?!?!?! Damn.. It's an obsession.. It's a sickness!!! ITS!!!! AN EATING CRAZE!!!! HELPPPPPPP......!!!!

Ok.. Its not as serious as i make it sound... But really!! If you see me gaining weight at a really fast pace.. Dont' be shock... Ok.. Nobody WOULD be.. But eh!!! I mean im alr fat enough as it is... Why ah??!?! WHY?!?!?! Haha... Siala... I should be determined and i should stay calm... I should..... CONTROL!!! Practice self-discipline... Haha... Wat the mumu??? I can never succeed in that.. Self-discipline just ain't my forte... Haha.. I suck at it.. And i always will... I dun even have self-discipline to self-discipline myself... So without a start... HOW TO START?!?!?! Haha.. Im making no sense.. Sorry...

I can't figure out kids these days... I've been hearing stuff and it seems like im hearing lotsa bad things about them.. Especially the love area... Seriously, they treat it like a game of popularity and a game where who gets the most girls or guys... Like how many ex-relationships you have actually MATTERS!!! Why you may ask?? I don't know... But i can tell you that none of them are gonna go far if they continue on the masquerade where having more girls/guys by your side is what that counts... And i thought age wasn't a matter... I was proven wrong.. Im sorry.. i guess times have changed now... Nobody really knows nobody... = Perhaps i was too easily believing in my beliefs that i neglected facts... Age affects maturity in most cases.. Its only once in a blue moon that you would find that maturity comes before age... Yepps... Think about it....

Ok. Judging on the number of scandals i have on my hands and the number coming my way.. I dun think i have the right to discriminate people that are trying to get as many bf/gf as possible... I condemn their actions yes.. Bcos somehow i don't see that the game they're playing has any meaning to it.. And they don't play by the rules, nor do they have principles that they abide by... On the other hand, i can say i have principles and that i go by the rules in this game... But then again, its a game.... different people play the game differently.. Who am i to say that they're wrong when im playing the game as well and im not exactly on a winning streak?? So you see, i shall just keep my mouth shut about such things. And let nature takes it place. No doubt many more boys and girls are gonna get hurt but its just a process they have to learn and go through... IF they don't learn now... It's gonna hurt more in future. Cos now they're still young and flexible... =)

Wow.. Blardy shit.. I talk like im some 30 year old hag...!! Freeeeeek!!! No way!! Am i growing old way too fast?? Damn.. That's sooo wrong!!! Okok.. Im a philosopher maybe.. But my own words never seem to be able to apply itself onto my own troubles.. Why is that so??? I realy do hope day i can just take my own advice and shove it up my ass... Haha.. Nah~ Im just kiddin'.. It'll overflow.. I have way too much of that to actually store them ALL in my ass... Haha...

Ok.. I think this is a long long post... Shall come up with something good next time.. maybe a poem. Or a funny story... Or just condemnation of another group of people.. Haha.. We'll see where things goes... GOODNIGHT my lovely readers... or READER!!! Whatever... My blog's dead. Nobody seems to be reading or blogging so often now... Or maybe its just that my blog rather super boring-fide?? Lol... =) BYE!!