I miss my grandmother.... A phrase i got from my friend's msn nickname... I steal it....

"I'm at the edge of making friends with death and all of his friends..." or something like that....

And i saw my grandmother's picture while browsing through..... And it reminded me why i should stay alive..... I miss her terribly.... I miss everything my family used to have when she was around..... She was the pillar for everybody..... My grandfather has, stopped talking as much... He doesnt even say hi, bye when i say it to him anymore..... There's so much of so little left in this family now.... I miss you ma..... I wish you'd come back and fix things..... You'll never leave my heart i swear...... I have so many things to tell you..... I want to see you now but apparently if i go ahead and do what i plan to do... It's wrong..... I know its wrong to say this but why didn't you bring me with you..... Are you happy now? Can you help fix this up?

So fucking emo today.. The pain is making my head dizzy and i feel high.. i think it might be the over dosage of painkillers and panadols.... It's getting to me...... I don't know what to do anymore.... So weak.... Feels like i just dropped all the way down again.... Feels like it.... fuck,.... Weak piece of shit... I hate my soft spots. I hate that i love and i hate that it affects me when i see the things i love break..... face it.... let's just all pretend....

take care.... toodles.

Okay.. So this past couple of weeks have been hell for me. Problems arising evrywhere and adding on to that my fucking wisdom tooth have to give me problems. I have a fucking infection, the pain kills me each and everytime i swear. Oh yah.. you think thats bad? I have a large ulcers right smack on the top of my upper lip(back). So it hurts like a matha fucker whenever i talk or smile or move my lips. I cant even eat without going thru excruciating pain. I have resorted to downing pills and pills and pills to reduce the pain. Everyone thinks i crazy but i'd rather be stoned than go thru that pain. Excuse me for being weak but why don't you take over my pain and see how you feel?

The dentist says i NEED to go for the surgery if not the infection will always be there and it will come back even if suppressed by the meds for awhile. 500 fucking dollars, medisave claim-able. STILL!!! And its still a fucking operation man.Opening up my gum and all. MUST rest for at least five days. SWELLING DEFINITE! And pain included. I'm scared... =( Sig.. I broke down last night.. Everywhere just started to pain so bad... The heart(problems, like i said), mouth(tooth), stomach(gastric, look back at mouth)... So i cried... My bro and Clar went to buy porridge for me.... Thanks... Im such a cry baby....

Sigh... I feel stoned againn now. Just downed the pills. Was not in the mood to eat anything though now im hungry... And class has started... Im so bored. Test is up later after school.. I don't think i understand a single shit thats happening there but okay lah.... Can pass can liao lahs hors? SIANZzzzz......

Allen's phone is screwed. Cant called cant msg at times cos it auto-reset all the time... Pisses both of us off... I really hate everything in my life now.... Except some... Fuck that doesnt make EEVRYTHING!! CB.... Discrepencies.... KNN.... Im so frustrated with everything... Allen has been very patient though, sometimes.... oh wells, life's a bitch....

Okay... thats all for today... im working on a surprise.... =) for allen.... Hope it works... =) SIgh... I cant wait to not go for the operation... scary~

I have finnaly changed my blogskin due to excessive boredom in class. Im trying not to Sleep cos if i do i dun think ill wake up. Plus i'vebeen geting C(s) becos the darn facilitator says i look tired even when i didnt sleep and did my work. So i am determined to fuck them up by saying "So if you look ugly you cant climb up the coporate ladder is it?" Knn... Just cos i look tired means what? I never do work is it? I never contribute is it? Correct me if im worng but i seemed to be the only one working up a discussion in the fucking team... So pissed... KNN... And based on experience, no fucked up facilitator will change your grades after its loaded... Even if you REALLY deserve to have a better grade.... RP should go fuck themselves.... Criteria my big fat ass... There was no stated criteria that says "If you look tired grades will be deducted" ... DLLM....

OKay... Some angst there... forget it.... Anyway yes... Back to the point i changed the skin... I think it looks fine.. It's the first, second third one i came across so i used it.. It took me half an hour to do litle changes on it... Sorry i have no idea how to do a CBOX or a tagboard or what they call it now... SO i don't think i can have comments anymore... =( well, ill just pretend to know that you guys DO read and DO want to comment... Lol...

Vanessa lent me her DS lite (THANKS!)... and im addicted to COOKING MAMA 2. It's so cool.. I've always sort of in a way wanted to be a cook/chef. Haha.. This is the closest i get. Other than trying to cook a good meal at home for who-ever that wants to eat a meal cooked by Chef Mandy... =) My specialty, Maggie noodles.... In many different style... =)

I don't know what else to blog about... GOOD DAY! =)

Top Ten Things You Wouldn't Know Without Movies

It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a
burning building with a child trapped inside.

Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

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FUNNY ENGLISH NOTICES AROUND THE WORLD!

Here are some signs and notices written in English that were discovered throughout the world. You have to give the writers an'E' for Effort. We hope you enjoy them.

In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.In a Leipzig elevator:Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number ofwishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose;beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

A sign posted in Germany's Black forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee nomiscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no ice cream.

In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressedas a man.

In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome toit.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitablefood, give it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they arebest in the long run.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel airconditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.
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HAHA.... jokes of the day

THIS IS AN EMO POST! IF YOU WANT PICTURES THEY ARE ALL ON THE PREVIOUS POST! SCROLL DOWN PLEASE... =) THANKS FOR VISITING!!

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PINK - Is it love (Lyrics)

Is it love, or just a curse
do you feel good when i hurt?
i need your heart to open up
if this love's not real
then it's just my luck

mommy help me,
i need your help
this little boy took my love,
he says these things
that make my body bump up,
but then he runs
leaving me undone,
and i don't understand
for sex he said he'd be my man

chorus

daddy listen, i gave it up
i'm not your little girl,
my cherry's popped
and all the trust, is missing,
but please listen
what do i do
i know you wanna hurt him,
but i like what he do
he's only doing what you used to

chorus

you never told me 'bout
the birds and the bees
or 'bout hide and go seek
or what he gets when he finds me
the biggest mistake are the choices i make
won't you help me decide
what's going on in my mind

chorus

that thing you put on me,
it's got me so confused
won't somebody help me,
tell me what should i do
why's it feel so good
is it just a curse
will it get better, or will it get worse?
tell me,
tell me,tell me,
does it feel good?damn!

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Just something i feel i can relate to when i was going through my secondary school life.
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PINK- Family portrait (just some parts)

Mama please stop cryin'
I can't stand the sound
Your pain is painful
and it's tearin' me down
I hear glasses breaking
As I sit up in my bed
I told dad you didn't mean
Those nasty things you said

You fight about money
'bout me and my brother
And this I come home to
This is my shelter
It ain't easy, growin' up in World War 3
Never knowin' what love could be
You'll see,
I don't want love to destroy me
Like it has done my family
Can we work it out?
Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better
Mommy I'll do anything
Can we work it out?
Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better
Daddy please don't leave

Daddy please stop yellin'
I can't stand the sound
Make mama stop cryin''
Cause I need you around
My mama she loves you
No matter what she says it's true
I know that she hurt you
But remember I love you too!
I ran away today, ran from the noise
Ran away (ran away)
Don't wanna go back to that place
But don't have no choice, no way

In our family portrait
We look pretty happy
Let's play pretend,
and act like it comes naturally
I don't wanna have to split the holidays
I don't want two addresses
I don't want a stepbrother anyways
And I don't want my mom to have to change her last name

We look pretty happy
We look pretty normal
let's go back to that
In our family portrait
We look pretty happy
We look pretty normal
let's go back to that
Daddy don't leave
Turn around please
Daddy don't leave...
daddy don't leave
Remember the night you left
You took my shining star
Daddy don't leave... daddy don't leave
Daddy don't leave...
Mom l'll be nicer
I'll be so much better
I'll tell my brother
I won't spill the milk at dinner
I'll be so much better
I'll do everything right
I'll be your little girl forever
I'll go to sleep at night
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Just something that been happening quite a while now.... Something's, the solution, just doesnt lie within you... And being able to do absolutely nothing about it, is just about the most frustrating and saddening thing ever.... trust me... i know... i've grown up now... im not blind...
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PINK- Love Song (lyrics) for my baby...

I've never written a love song
That didn't end in tears.

Maybe you'll rewrite my love song
If you can replace my fears.
I need your patience and guidance
And all your lovin' and more.
When thunder rolls through my life
Will you be able to weather the storm?

There's so much I would give you baby
If I'd only let myself.
There's this well of emotions
I feel I must protect.
But what's the point of this armour
If it keeps the love away, too?
I'd rather bleed with cuts of love
Than live without any scars.

Baby, can I trust this?
Or do all things end?
I need to hear that you'll die for me
Again and again and again.
So tell me when you look in my eyes
Can you share all the pain and happy times.
'Cause I will love you for the rest of my life.

This is my very first love song
That didn't end in tears.
I think you re-wrote my love song
for the rest of my years.

I will love you for the rest of my life.
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It's just about what i need Allen to understand. I dunno why PINK's lyrics just brings out alot of what i feel too. But since it does, why not use her lyrics to express those words i so clearly cannot express well towards my loved ones.

I feel emotional today..... Buuh bye....