I never knew how stupid i can be until recently came along. I those measly free moments that i have, i kept on thinking. And i thought about many things. Including how fucked up i was the past few weeks. How i missed out on so much in my family and friends. Fuck when i played with Bryan yesterday i felt guilty. We were having so much fun. Why cant i have that kinda fun with him everyday? I miss that dude even though we see each other everyday. And Me and Wilson... Have been in quite a number of quarrels too. What's happening to me and my siblings. Damn. Never knew i was that huge a B****...

And my room's a huge mess. Seriously ask anyone that has been in my room. It's like a tsunami just hit the place or something. I wanna get my ass to go pack the room but i just cant get around to do it. BECAUSE!!! Im bloody lazy... Plus i find things better in a mess. Im a messy person by nature im sorry. =)

How come i cant change back to the previous me? Why isit that once you change into something else, you cant fucking change back. Fucking depressing ain't it? But freak that... I think even if i change and change and change. I still won't like that person i see in my reflection. I just cant help it. I can promise a million stuff but if i cant do it, what's the bloody point. Maybe im not ready. But im also not ready to let go. And im also not ready to give up. It's depleting all my energy and strength. Stupid depressing thoughts cant fucking stay out. When depression hits me, seriously i feel useless.. How can i feel like im on top of the world at one point, and at the next, i feel like dung. Why do i care now when in the past i just didnt care? I guess my previous relationship made me numb for awhile. And now thw numbness is starting to fade away. And you see the weak side of me... AGAIN!! Fuck that.

Everyone knows when im depressed and stuff like that i do wrong things. Like okay, maybe i've stop cutting and stuff like that. But seriously, those bad thigs i do ain't gonna be a nice thing to know about. Im a **** **** ***** *****... But who's there to proof me wrong. Lol.... Everyone's leading their own bloody life. And i gotta live mine. Wish i could manage someone else's life for a day so ill stop all my stupid self-pitying.

So guess what... My grandpa's in the hospital again. I saw him that day after quite a long time. I havent been visiting my grandparents for a loooong time. Another thing to fuck myself over. Anyways, i saw him, and he looked so different. I mean, i knew he lost alot of weight over the previous thing. But this time he lost more! And his face changed too. He don't look anything like how he was when he was still that bubbly huge grand dad of mine. He's still my grandpa, just he looks so fragile now. I held his arm that day to help him up and i swear i only felt a sack of skin and his bone. I almost freaked out but i remained calm. Thank god i was listening to songs and my mouth wa stoo lazy to open itself.

Okay. Dammit. Im becoming more and more lazy. Crap. I think I AM becoming a lazybum. Seriously. I was lazy before. But now im LAZIER!! WTF?!?!?! It's like, i can even be too lazy to get out of bed to drink. And i can even be too lazy to reply a msg. That's not me!!! OH MY GAWD THERE MUST BE SOMETHING!!! Something to take the lazyness away!!! Dammit.... I need to stop lazing around. Maybe do some house chores. Screw some screws, jump some jumps, run some runs or something. The only time i've been running recently is when i need to crap and im running around the house looking for a newspaper to read before i bomb the place. So i think if i was ask to run 2.4km now i would probably finish it in 30mins at least. Wow...

I never fail to amaze myself. I think if i was locke din a cell all by myself alone i still would find some way or another to entertain myself. Like maybe cut one finger off and start playing with it or something. Im a natural born self-entertainer. Cos why? Im always bored. And i HAVE to figure out ways to entertain myself or ill probably die. So you would always find me singing aloud to myself or just talking crap to myself. Oh yeah wanna know my secret? I use the ENVIRONMENT!! Maybe cos im a geog student or whatever. But i always use stupid dumb things i see around as thing to entertain myself. So i think i should practise stewardship. Respet the environment. Maybe i should pray to the environmental god. Is there sucha god? Lol. Sorry. No offense to any religion whatso ever... Forgive me if there really is such a god. = Didn't know that... Im a retard at religious stuff i apologise.

So work's gonna start in two days. Cant fucking wait. I feel like money's on it way to my banka lr. even though it won't come until like 2 weeks after the exhibition. Awesome. At least i have some back up ready. Unless the damn compnay run off with my money and never be found and then there'll be a controversy and then ill be working for nothing and i STILL WON'T HAVE ANY MONEY!!! Lol.... just drama-rising abit. Lol. Sry.. So after that i so totally can't wait to go to Swissotel to work too! Woooohooooo!!! I wanna work my ass off. I think that's one of the few ways to stop depression from worsening. So i wanna work. At least its something constructive. Like im bloody earning money for christ sake! Not like some depressed fucktards who just gets depressed and gets MORE depressed. At least im trying to do something. Im bloody proud of myself. You guys should learn from me.... BWAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!

Actually no no.. You guys should learn from other people. Those that have never went through depressiopn at all. Like Bryan. Like those 5 year old kid you always see bugging their mum to buy them toys. I wonder if you call that depression. Lol... Funny though. Bwahahaha.. So let's see. I don't believe that there is one teenager these days in Singapore that hasn't gone thru at least MILD depression. Like everything's an issue now. everything's part of STRESS. I think i should go be a counsellor after i recover from my own problems. Im gonna earn like a hell lot. Lol.. I'll just sit down with the patient. Pour some coffee/tea. Lay down on my super comfy sofa and ask the patient to do the same. Then sleep. Sleeping REALLY helps!! REALLY!! I won't lie. Lol...

Okk. I think i've been talking way too much crap here. Sorry. Just bored i guess. Nothing to do at all. Just fucking hope ill *** here. Bye... =)

Work is like so near yet so far right now ... I need bloody money to do things.. Watch a bloody movie or something.. F*** i even need money to just chill at esplanade.. Money is like everything now. Irritating. I wish i can freaking not care abt money. It's a boring life living it just for money. but i dun live just for it la. It's just everythings leads to it now. Leads to one word, "money?" ... =

Suddenly my house is filled with flavoured drinks. I wonder which dumb toot bought them. But i gotta thank him/her, cos its filling up my empty stomach... Im so hungry. I only ate like one small portion of briyani yesterday at Azura's house. Im like dying of hunger. HELP!! Why isn't anyone helping me to find food!!! AHHHHHHH...... I cant eat maggie anymore.. My hair is dropping more than usual lately. Im afraid ill be bald soon.... Lol..

So everything kinda went up and down recently. Last night i got the worse shock of my life. It's like worse than bungee jumping, parachuting, sky diving and snorkelling add all together!! But im so glad its over. Like please dun anyone scare me like that anymore. I felt so lost and so devastated. Swear i could have passed out due to excessive fear. I was that close to dying.. SCARY~~~ Never wanna go thru that shit ever again...

OKAYS!! Im officially bored at home. Not one day i havent been going out lately. Come to think of it now i know why my brother and mummy thinks im going wild and doing wrong things. But i said before i would go wild after O's... this is only like 1/3 of wild. Wth.. We'll see.

IM HUNGRY!! Let me eat a lion now please....

Yesterday i spent most of the time at a gig. Hmmmm, my very first virgin visit to a gig. Its erm, nice.. It's cool seeing life bands play. And pple moshing and all. Haha. And i realise not ALL drummers are hott.. So i have come to conclude that its only the drum set that is hott. But if a hott guy plays the drums that is HOTTER! But no no no... I have a boyfriend. And he plays the bass. A bassist boyfriend. Bwahaha.. Wanna know what the irony is? I never knew what the hell is a bass until i met him... Bwahaha.. Im a retard at almost everything. Muahahah...

Anyways, the gig was hott. Couldn't really see him mosh and all cos there were hell lot of pple in the mosh pit and they all look the same. I tried to differentiate him by his shirt, shoes, hair, wristband, pants. But nth worked.. I couldnt find that pootsie anywhere in the crowd. I wasn't worried about keeping my eye on him until he got seriously hit hard in the stomach by somebody and i wasn't there to comfort him. I only knew about it after he recovered and came looking for me. Damn am i retarded. alif asked me to take videos, so i took them and didnt really bothered abt anything else. How was i to know? It was my first time at a gig. I didnt know that such things could happen.. = My bad... Bwahahha....

I've been passive smoking alot lately. Im not surprise if i die earlier than most of ya'all.. not that i mind, its just, i dun want my lungs to become effed up like my late grandfather before he passed on. Seriously, i can still rmb the scene where the doc showed us the X-ray... Not a very nice scene. But oh wells, life's like that. I realise MANY things today. That coke goes very well with lemon! Someone should go tell coca cola to do a lemon coke instead of lime. Lime tastes weird...

I dressed up really erm, "blackish" today?? No offense man.. Like i wore hardcore lots of black make up. Wore a FATA tee-shirt.. Black shoes. I think i kinda look a tad bit gothic. But those not-so-there-yet look.. Haha.. My mum said i wore way too much eye liner. but i was told that's the scene thing. Like, the "blacker" the nicer. Bwahahah. That sounds wrong. wel im glad i had Azura with me today. Meta new fren called Ellie and i think he's nice. Lol.. He looks funny when i accidentally kick his leg and he showed me that fierce growling face. Lol.. So ultimately i had fun today.

The later part of yesterday night was crappy cos i smudge all of my make-up.. I kinda proved myself wrong. What i told me mom seriously happened. But it was well worth.. Bcos even though i look like crap after all the weeping. I realise something. Actually i realise a whole damn lot of things. like how i can foolishly jump to conclusions. And how i handle situations when i feel retarded. I laugh... Like even in serious situations, i just laugh. I try to be serious but a smile just wipes across that face of mine. It's irritating even to me.

So, i also realise im kinda slipping back into my past shit. It's really difficult. Im trying to put it at the back of my mind. Not think about it. Its not counted as running away is it? I just don't have the time and strength and knowledge to face it now. It all comes down to one thing. I always neglect people. Hmmm, today i told him about the true reason behind me not wanting to be in a religion. This reason, only adek and me knows. Now he knows too... It's all about blaming. Then again, it all comes down to one similar problem. Me... Me~ me~ Me~ Oh don't worry. I wun do anything to hurt myself. I don't believe in cutting anymore cos i know ill never have the guts to cut deep enough. I dun believe in strangling myself with strings anymore cos i know i dun have the courage to keep the string tight enough and long enough to kill myself. So in the end, im just trying to say, i dun have the ****ing courage to die.

And i made promises. Some spoken some not.. I cant break those.. Hurt myself or not.. I dun wanna neglect and anger any of my love ones anymore. Im trying to redeem myself. I'll stay home more often. I'll cook if you're hungry, ill talk nicely even when i pms. I'll try my best not to lie anymore. and ill open up more. And ill express my feelings properly. I will get over that stupid phobia of mine. Or at least ill try to do all of the above. In the end words are just words. I can say one thing and do another. Let's just judge by time. =)

Im okay now. My sweetheart is the best. I swear.... I dun need chocolates. I dun need cookies. I dun need arcade games i dun need anything. I just need him around me in my life with me!! Lol.. Sorry for all te doubting. Sorry for jumping into conclusions. Im not very good with emotions yet. Maybe better but still not good enough. It's just sometimes i get really angry when i feel like im being betrayed. But this time im wrong. Haha. no wonder i feel foolish. Sucha dumbass ****... Oh yah btw did i mentiond that i have a paper tmr? My last O level paper.. *** and i still havent sleep. gosh!! Gotta go catch some shut eye! BUHBYE!!

P.S (Im fine.. I really am.. There's always a silver lining.. I'll find mine... I know it... )

Okay my bad... The song i posted previously was a SCREAMO song.. Haha.. At least i almost got it.. I was caught in between two choices... Haha... Im getting better.. Really.. My baby's proud of me.. Im glad.. Muahahaha....

OKAYS!! I am seriously on the verge of brokeness.. WAIT!! I AM EFFING BROKE!! I AM!! I need to work now!! Like everyday at least 50 bucks go inside my pocket also i happy... I need to work desperately. I think ill immediately look for a job after O's... At least some cahing in won't make me feel so god damn guilty at spending money.

So many things happened recently.. Like within 3 days or so... So effed up. But we made it thru. Or to say, i made it thru. Im so shock at myself. Usually at this point of time, i would have given up long time ago.. How am i doing this? how come i can stick so long with all crap being thrown at me? Wow. Must be something huh? Wells, i havent been spending much time with the VGs. I feel guilty. So i will!! 21st is our monthsary. HAVING LUNCH!! Yeah yeah!! Can't wait.. OH NO!! WAIT!! Do i have money for that lunch!?!??!? SHIT!! I need to save.. I have mouths to feed now. Crap.... I feel the pressure to earn loadsa money. I never really needed money this bad before. I NEED!!! Sigh... Money, is sucha killer....

I have a question. How come most of the people dislike their past? For me, i dun dislike it. In fact im thankful for it. Cos if not for what happened in my past. I wouldnt be me now. Like i would seriously still be that weak ****tard trying to cry everything away. I guess i can handle shit better now. Okay. I know i always say that and in the end some shit happens and i crumble. But this time it's really showing. Yay!! Im not that weak ****er anymore!! Wooohoooo!!

Im surrently munching on cookies that doesnt belong to me. And drinking hot chocolate that my baby gave me. Im enjoying the life man. Haha. Plus listening to really cool and nice songs. Whoa!! Haha... Im like totally in heaven.. Lol.. Actually no... I havent been having enough shut eyes lately. Late nights, broken dreams.. Totally disastrous... Well well shit happens.. Im glad its over...

Oh wells, im bored... Haha.. Nth much more to say. Oh wait. I want vH to post a comment on my blog. And for that smart ass crack to do that, im suppose to blog about him. Ok. He says to write good things. Lets see. He used to be a monster. Now he's better. We use to quarrel quite alot. Lol. It's always fun to talk and joke around with him. And he's a good listener and friend. He helped me calm my nerves many times in the past when i had nobody else to turn to. A very good friend indeed!! BUT HE HATES TO STUDY!! AND HE'S SO STUBBORN AND REBELLIOUS!! vH!!! Change your attitude lah deng head... Lol.. And you know we're gonna be frens, until you lose your teeth... Haha... AND COMMENT YOU BETTER!! If not ill bug you ... Bwahaha.. Aites.. CIAO! CHINCIAO!!

UNDEROATH - A boy brushed in red .. Living in black and white

Can you feel your heartbeat racing?
Can you taste the fear in her sweat?
You've done this wrong
Its too far gone
These sheets tell of regret
I admit that
I'm just a fool for you
I am just a fool for you
Here is where we both go wrong
Tonight's your last chance to
Do exactly what you want to
And this could be my night
This is what makes me feel alive
Makes you feel alive
Here is where we both go wrong
So tie me upAnd toss this key
'Cause for now we're living
In this moment that we both ignore the truth
Let's start over
Let's start over
I feel your heart against mine
So take a breath and close your eyes, eyes
(CHORUS)
Your lungs have failed and they've both stopped breathing
(My heart is dead it's way past beating)
Something has gone terribly wrong
I'm scared, you're scared, we're scared of this
I never thought we'd make it out alive
I never told you but it's all in your goodbyes
It's all in your goodbyes
Well, look who's dying now
Slit wrist's for sleepin' with the girl next door
I always knew you were such a sucker for that
It doesn't matter what you say
You never mattered anyway
I never mattered anyway
In this moment that we both ignore the truth
Let's start over
Let's start over
I feel your heart against mine
So take a breath and close your eyes, eyes
(CHORUS)Don't shake,
I hate to see you tremble
Trembling, you've lost your touch
Haven't you?I'm so addicted
So addicted
Your lungs have failed and they both stopped breathing
(My heart is dead it's way past beating)
Something has gone terribly wrong
(Your Wrong)
(CHORUS)
I never thought we'd make it out alive
I never thought we'd make it out alive
I never thought we'd make it out alive
It's all in your goodbyes

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bloody nice song... Hmmm, i dunno.. I think its either screamo or hardcore... Underoath is a hardcore band.. I think... But this song sounds screamo to me.. I dunno.. ISIT?!?!?!? Gosh im still quite a retard at all this genre stuff.. But well, the songs are bloody awesome... This song is cool~~ Lol.. I would love to dedicate this to everyone... Lol.. Doesnt make sense but **** ***!!! Lol.... I think im having a tinge of teenage angst in me tonight. It's bloody 5am in the morning. I didnt sleep all night... Bothered mind... Over the same thing again and again. Why can't i just forget it!?!?!!? TRUST MANDY!!! TRUST!!! You said to give it another try/chance.. So ****ing stop being paranoid!!!! ****

Lol... Aites aite... I should stop being sucha wimp.. Get over it already... Bluek~ Maybe i should sleep now... What can i do at this time of the day?? Every freaking human in Singapore that i know is asleep or doing something they're not suppose to be doing.... So **** it Mandy.. Go to sleep... Sigh... I wish i had someone to talk to NOW!! Someone to just tell me that im being such an idiot... But still tell me that im loved... I need some reassurance tonight... **** im being so weak again... Blah lah.. Screw it.. I'll get over it by my own... Bye....

Hmmmm ... Thanks Fateha for the comment.. And thanks for listening to my sorrows that day. Appreciate it.. =) And "anonymous"... Im sorry about the song. It doesnt apply anymore... =) Haha... My syg's super cute... I dunno why but im cutely surprised by his comments as "anonymous"... Muahahhaha... sorry to blow your cover baby... =)

Well.. About 5 more days and im as good as a free bird!! Im done and ready for work and freedom!! I tell you it's like getting out of prison... But i cant complain. My mum gave me alot of freedom. She's the absolute best. Im so glad they trust me now. In the past i thought this day would never come. But i guess i undermined my mum.. She's the most understanding and loving mum ever! And my dad's great too... GOSH!! They bought me lotsa stuff from their trip to China. So cool.. Bryan got a gameboy advance and 11 games to go with it. I think tekken's the best game of them bunch.

Today i was almots late for my a maths paper. I was just on time. With 5 mins to spare to calm my nerves. I should wake up abit earlier in future. Stop procrastinating. Everytime my alarm rings i put it to snooze for 9 minutes. Lol. I wonder why the phone does 9 min of snooze instead of 10.. Bwahahaha....

Im going to a gig on the 19th. My first ever gig. And im exposed to it thanks to my sweetheart. I mean, seriously, i never really knew what a gig was until i met him. I knew gigs were something people go to to see live bands perform or what.. But i never knew about moshing and all the other stuff until he introduced them to me. And i saw a slight preview of him in a gig. Like head banging and stuff. It kinda freaked me out. You know those times when you see a total different side of your boyfriend? It's like when "baby" turns into "fierce monster" and then back too "baby" when he's with you. It's erm.... Hard to adapt... I gotta admit. I was a lil taken aback. Muahahhaa....

A general info on my experience on O levels. IT IS BORING!!! And it sucks!! Im cant wait for it to be over!!! I think i screwed most of the paper up... But i tell you. You can ask me everything about secondary school now. I will say "entah!" Haha.. I threw away almost all my knowledge from school alr. Who cares about Social studies now. Im gonna burn my books!! Lol.. Nah.. Adek say go recycle. Be a good girl. At least do something good. Lol.. I dun ****ing care for O's anymore. It's like Thursday is my a maths paper 2 and im not planning to do shit about it. A maths, just like chemistry is as good as dead in my brain.

Alrightohs!! Guess what people?? I am influenced!! Im listening to different kinds of songs now. And speed metal is nice.. I never knew i was the metal kinda person. Bwahahaha... some screamo songs are nice too.. I tell you it's simple to influence me to different genres of music. Just let me hear it often and tell me they're god damn nice. And if they really are quite the catch.. WAHLA~ You have just done that genre of music a deed by transfering me over.. Lol.. But i was told ill get tired of some songs easily. Well who cares.. I think im kinda enjoying them alot now. =) Im a happy girl... =P

aites aites... Guess that's about it for today... Nth much more to blog about. He says it's lame to blog... He hates it cos sometimes i tell things here rather than say it to him... Told you i have a problem with expressing feelings upfront. If only your face was a computer screen and your hands were the keyboard... Lol... Skiiding... I would be dating a robot then.. Bwahahahha.... =) Ok...

P.S(I love you schmumkins!!)

LET YOU GO - ASHLEY PARKER

Broken promises
But you don't really mind
It's not the first time and you know it
Don't you know
Tell me why it is you only smile inside
But when you break me into nothing
Don't you know
It's not like I haven't tried over and over again
Stupid fights, wrong or right
Goodbye

[Chorus]
I remember when you came with me that night
You said forever, that you would never let me go
But here I am again
With nothing left inside
Know I don't wanna
But I gotta let you go

You're the one mistake
I really didn't mind
So beautiful, unmerciful
It took me down
Too little and too late
See now I know your kind
You fake it easy just to please me
Don't you know
It's not like we haven't tried over and over again
Sleepless nights, wrong or right
Goodbye

[Chorus]

I gotta let you go
It's you
There's nothing I can do

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This song scares me. Somehow... I feel this song is close to my heart. It triggers some really scary emotions. And why?!?? I guess some words in there make my heart skip a beat. Sigh... I think songs are very emotional for me. Especially when i feel it touches me deep down inside. ****ing scary stuff....

Well, for your information, Sweetheart, i dun wanna let you go ... But it just feels so different now. Maybe its me. Maybe i need more time. But why did it have to happen? To take the trust, and special-ness away... When i think about it.... Still ****ing hurts. But you siad to forget abt it. do you think its ever possible? Guilt.. is a strong feeling i know. She said she feels that. But if it hurts her. Imagine how it will hurt me. Twice... Is not much. But it still hurts.. Why now...?? **** .. What am i to do? Told you things always gets screwed up when it reaches my end of the story... BLEAH~

Well who's complaining. I have lotsa things to be happy abt... Guess once in awhile having shit is just reminding me not to be a spoilt brat. Forgive me if i whine. shit stinks... =) Haha... Im fine now. I know i am... Just gimme a bit more time to really settle down... Don't give me drama and then expect me to just blink and forget. Im only, human.. And a 16-year-old one at it... =)

Aitess... Parents and Bryan at China... Hope they're fine and having fun.. While im going thru shit and bored at home.. ****.... I wish i can close my eyes... The burning sensation from the tears are gone. But i still cant sleep. **** ...

Screw O levels... Boring shit.. I dun wanna effing study.. So many things on my mind. Study shit ah...

And yeah.. Guess i have a problem with trust now. Why man..?? I thought this was the only time i can not be paranoid and still love.. ****ing hell.. Why gotta go spoil it all.. Guess i shouldnt talk so much here. In case im not being face on about the problem or wat nots..

Urghh... Screw trust. I thought i could forget about it. But i can't.. Earn it back if you got the strength and time to do so.. Cos to tell you the truth... Im tired... Not of you.. Not of anyone. Im tired of everything screwing up just when i tot it was perfect. I hate it... But i cant help it. Girls get paranoid dude.. And c'mon.. Dun expect me to forget the pain im going thru. I can forgive. Just cant forget. Im sorry. If you were me, you would know. But you don't..

I hate it... Plus its O levels.. Wtf... I'd rather screw all.. Leave this place. Leave it all behind. But i guess i dun have the guts to do it... What the **** is this anyway? Why did it even happen... god dammit.. I wish it didn't.. Anything.. but why must it be trust that i lost. Ha... Guess im just screwed... Bwahahha... Used to it.. No need to worry.. I wun give up. Life's a bitch.. I wun let it win... Muahahaha.. **** it...

AUGUSTANA - BOSTON

In the light of the sun,
is there anyone?
Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost,
Eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed...
You said...
You don't know me, you don't even care,
You don't know me, you don't wear my chains..
Essential and appealed,
Ccarry all your thoughts across an open field,
when flowers gaze at you..
They're not the only ones who cry when they see you
You said..
You don't know me, you don't even care,
You don't know me, you don't wear my chains...
She said i think i'll go to boston...
I think i'll start a new life,
I think i'll start it over,
Where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of california,
I'm tired of the weather,
I think i'll get a lover and fly em out to spain...
I think i'll go to boston, i think that i'm just tired..
I think i need a new tow, to leave this all behind..
I think i need a sunrise, i'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the summer, some snow would be nice...
Boston...where no one knows my name...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think this song is blooody awesome.. It's stucked in my head i can't get it off ... But it's nice. I wish i can go to Boston... Leave everything and just start a new life ... Sometimes i do wish that .. But then i think back on what i REALLY have here ... Then i tell myself how stupid i am to even think of wanting to start a new life. I have everything i can ever ask for. Im blessed. Thank the big guy.. =)

so yesterday i spent the whole day going jalan raya with my sweetheart and his friends. Went to Hasif's house, Dinah's, Sakinah's, Dilah's, Amirul's, Shiekh's, their teacher's, and then Faiz's... Ok. I think that's how you spell those names. Hope i got it right. Well thanks alot for their hospility. I had alot of fun. Well baby's friends are always very friendly and nice people to hang around with. They are really fun people. Had fun making jokes out of nth at all and laughing at them say stuffs. Lol. Hasif was being really clowny though. Trying to scare me every chance he got. Lol.. Nice~

At first i thought i seriously looked ridiculous. I wore make-up. I was in a Baju Kurung. I was holding a ridiculously punie hand bag. Wore heels... Gosh. It took me one and a hlaf hour to get ready. Lucky i woke up early. Cos i had to iron the baju again and all. Was a damn difficult task ironing it. Burnt my finger. Lol.. but i guess it was worth it. Baby said i looked good. I don't really believe that though. Haha. Oh who am i kidding!??! I look good all the time.. BLUEK! Lol... Nah.. My boyfriend manage to convince me that i look beautiful. Wow. Where can i get sucha awesome guy for my boyfriend? And he doesnt know how awesome he is .. I guess my convincing skill suck compared to his. I keep trying to tell him that he's already the bestest best of best to the best from the best towards besterest bester best best already but he don't believe it. Dammit... I must SUCK as a convincer ... Haha... It's okay. It doesnt mean i'll give up trying to show him he's just the best... =)

So yesterday was GREATLY AWESOMEFIDED !! Love to go jalan raya. Food's great, drinks, kuih raya, nice people, very good way for me to taste their cultture first hand. Seriously, i think im a retard at the malay culture even though i mix around mostly with malays. Like i dunno how to say stuff or ask things or wtv. I must learn. Lol... Well i learnt the whole "Minta maaf Zahir dan Batin" thingy yeaterday. An forced me to learn if not i cannot take duwit raya. Lol..

Went back quite late last night though. WOW!! Oh yah! You should check out his Cikgu's house man!! Totally hott mama kickass sexy BUNGALOW !!! I hope i have those kinda house when i grow up. He has two or three bloody aircon alone in a living room!!! WAH HOLY MADAR !!! I wanna be rich. Shit. I need to study alot more than i am doing now though if i wanna achieve that. Haha.. fuck. I need to study.... shit. Why am i not studying?? HUH!??! Crapereedoos...

Okay im bloody high on oxygen. And that fat boy just came home from school. I wanna go pinch his cheek and bite his ears. Haha.. I love eating that fat toot. He tastes good. Lol. He's the fatest cutest piece of lil brother ill ever love. Why that boy so cute?!?! You guys should ask your parents to produce a lil brother for you too! They get very irritating yes of cos! But when everything goes wrong and you just need a piece of meat to munch on. A fat kid brother awlays works!! Lol... skiddin.. I love that toot. He's the loveliest pottie poot...

Aites. I better stop now. I've been blabbering non stop about everything. Maybe another time. for now, its toodlelee doos! And i hope all you guys out there are studying and ready for O's.. for the rest of you lazy toots! best of lucks. Cos im like you!! Lol.. AWESOME !! Monday's doomsday. Im dead. First two paper. KILL ME NOW! Pls make tsunami hit singapore tmr... PLEASE??? =) Im just kidding. Im the sadist bitch loving tsunamis. Lol.. Love me or hate me ... ;)