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mandy-low @blogspot.com ♥
Friday, January 29, 2010

Im still so tired today!!! =) But it was worth it.

Had the time of my life last night with Azim, Harris, Danny, Isk, and Leonardi. They went to my house and we played cards games and drank as hell. Most of my alcohol is depleted already thanks to us. We drank like monsters and almost all of us were high. Lucky got me to look after them hor?? Lol..... Leo and Tk left earlier and the rest of us lepak-ed under my block and chilled and talk cock. Was fun. Great to hang out with them after so long.... They say im a bad influence... =(

cos everytime they always with me they will drink. And drink nvm... Everytime drink will get high or drunk... =( WHERE GOT?!?!?!? I never force them to drink ma... Just suggest then they accept so drink lor?? Just drink lidat boring ma so play game make it more exciting... =) Haha.. Played some games and we did some pretty stupid stuff and ended up got some problems. But well, fun is fun... We stopped after that.. =)

So Harris and Azim stayed over cos it was more convenient that way. Danny and Isk left for home. And then it was goodnights and HELLO new day... =) Had fun.. But i am so freakin tired now.. =( I slept through class today. Lucky got Azim to back me up.. haha.. =)

Im so proud of the friends i have... =) =) =) =)
Can't wait for next friday..


Did i mention i met Tang that night and he let me drive his car?!?!?!? =) Tang is great... Wooohooo!!! =) Octopussy... got so many jokes and fun shared with Tang. Haha... Lucky Tang is a fun guy.. =) If not fishing will be so boring le... =)

I'll upload pictures soon...

OH YAH! I wanna THANK MY DEAREST BABY ZIMMY FOR PACKING MY ROOM FOR ME!!! It was so much work but he did it for me... And im so appreciative of it. He didn't have to but he's shy and awesome by nature so he helped me... My zimzim is so good.. He's a blessing this semester for me to have him around... =) If not i wouldn't know what to do in school and i dunno who i can turn to... =)

Today is friday.... What's my plan??? Dunno yet.... =) Maybe by 5pm ill know... =)
Thursday, January 28, 2010

On a very random note. I recieved alot of emails today from facebook about a tagged photo. It was my Primary school Friend...! Tagging a pri 6 photo and saying there should be a gathering soon in March. Facebook... Seriously, EVERYONE'S using it. I feel lousy for not using it and for not seeing the meaning of facebook. Like im stupid or something. I just don't like facebook. But i guess its funny cos you get to find people you know there and you get to know more people and you get updates and all from friends. Get to play games that has no purpose. Get to check out hott guys and girls. Get to share your life at facebook. Another very popular way? Twitter. I really dun see the purpose. Well, its a media i guess... People just wanna be famous and i guess now its so easy to get that kinda fame. Just have a few thousand fans and you're prolly the top of the charts anytime soon. Youtube also... =( I really dun see meaning in this world that im living in. I dun see happiness.. Not those simple happiness... And i hate being pressured by the society to be real. I wish we had nothing to worry about.... just whether we get to eat, get to love, and get to sleep and shit and no the simple necessities in life to survive.


WHY the fuck did god even create human? Nothing-ness wasn't good enough for him? Wtf. =(


Im emo today. Maybe cos i felt i sucked at driving yesterday. Although i passed my TP. I drove my dad's car at night with him beside me and i felt like i was the lousiest driver ever on earth, besides being a very lousy daughter. .... =( Then Tang let me drive his car, and Allen bought me a P-plate for tang's car. And i drove myself home and i think i sucked pretty much too. I just didnt get the chance to suck cos it was the highway and there were little cars. =( I felt like i passed the test but i suck on the road. I really doubt my abilities after last night. But they all say i just need to gain more confidence and get use to the car. But how come other people so fast drive like pro then i drive like shit? =( Woman driver. Maybe like what Harris always say...

"Women should just be locked up/chained to the kitchen"

I wish that was half true. I wish women need not work and we can just be contented and happy staying home and cooking good meals. I hope there is no such thing as work. I wish god created humans just to breed and make love and breed and survive and breed and communicate and be contented and happy. Maybe it's all PANDORA'S fault. =( Fuck pandora. She should burn in hell and die... Humans would have been awesome if there were no bad stuff involved... Haha...


I JUST REALISE IM TALKING A WHOLE LOAD OF BULL SHIT COCK STORY.

School is boring today and im tired. =( Now everyday i have to think what to do and plan for the next day and plan for the weekends. I guess i got my wish ain't it? Free now... So free.... Dunno where to put my focus on... Currently just trying to focus on being healthy and fit and getting over the bad stuffs.

I wish i had a boyfriend now... no offence to friends and family. I just wish i had a boyfriend now. Like somehow what Harris say sometimes maybe. I just yearn to love and for the love to be reciprocated. Just want that someone to waste time with. Someone who sahares the same thoughts as me and share the same realizations as me and are of the same level of thoughts with me... Someone i can talk to... I want the best friend boyfriend. thought i found him, i was wrong...


I want someone to hug me to sleep... =(

Je veux que quelqu'un me regarde dans l'oeil et me dise i' ; m tout il vit pour. Je veux qu'il le dise avec la vérité dans ses mots. Seriez-vous cette personne ?

What im doing,..... Is it wrong??? Am i making the right choices?

I know im smarter than that... I AM!

Please... Don't judge me... =( Ce monde fonctionne des manières mystérieuses…


Mon émotion me ruine.... =( Pourquoi won' ; t vous sauf moi ?
Wednesday, January 27, 2010

GUESS WHO HAS THE LICENSE TO DRIVE ON THE ROAD NOW?!??!?!?!?!


WOOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!

I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST GUYS!!!!


IM SO FUCKING AWESOME!!!


AND IM SO HAPPY I CAN FLY!!!! =)

IM LICENSSSSSSED TO DRRRRRIVE!!!!!!

FUCKING SUPER DUPER AWESOME DAY.

I'll die happy now... =)

Im so fucking nervous!!!! FUCK!!!

And guess what???

TANG IS BACK!!! YAY!!!!! He came back early yesterday and called. I think he meant to call someone else but called me instead. Anyway...... Then he called and i thought i was dreaming cos i was asleep already. And HE'S BACK!!! He asked me out for supper but i was asleep alr and i wanted to get enough rest for today so i didn't go. Im so happy he's back. But then again... Im a lil pressured by that cos he's one person i really dun wanna disappoint. He's like my god-father man. Lol. Just that we're more like friends than anything else. =)

I can't wait for later to be over. The time i can get my license!!!! WOOHOOO!!!!

Thanks for all those that wished me luck. And thanks for all those that didn't but prayed for me anyways... =)

Im so happy today.. =) I wish ill stay happy.. =) Im having buteerflies in my stomache now. Shit. Need to go berak .... =( LUCKY i wake up earlier... =)
Tuesday, January 26, 2010

[EDITTED]

Tomorrow is TP date. And i tell you i fucking need to pass it! I know i said many times already. Just need to reinforce the thought in my head. After TP will be going out with my mum and Bryan. Shopping because my mum wants to. Cant wait for tomorrow. Im excited and nervous.

So im talking to my brother Wilson on MSN now. and i miss him. We talked about how we're doing now. And i told him about Allen and me. And he told me he knows how i feel. And he's on the same boat. I know we are. He told me that we're similar. And i guess it just got me all sad and stuff. I dunno. and we were talking about a holiday. Just a lone... Just to get away from stuff. I wanna go Australia alone. He wants to go Europe i guess. I just wanna get away from all this for awhile. Just relax and go on a holiday myself. Or with a couple of friends.

I might be thinking of going to Genting soon with Azim. And i will ask Aryani, Fateha, Harris and others along. So see who wants then can go as a group. I dun mind a group holiday to Genting. Since Genting is so crowded, the more the merrier.

so yesterday i watched the show "HACHIKO".. I had plans to cry during the movie cos i had the impression the show was a DAMN touching show. but i guess i ran out of tears or the emotions just fled away. I stay dry yesterday. He even bought tissues for me just in case but i didnt need it. Haha. It was an okay show if you ask me. 6.5/10. The whole "it's a true story" thing is cool. But i think they could have drama-fide it a lil more. But it made me want a dog even more. =( I want a dog... I want a DOG! Im gonna ask my mum tomorrow for a dog for my birthday... =( I WANT DOG!!!!

I feel like going swimming today. Maybe i will... Swim. Gym yesterday wasn't as effective as the previous. I didn't eat the whole day before i go and i felt weak and lethargic. But i did lots of cycling and leg exercises. Did light weights for awhile. And did some triceps exercises. So hopefully i get better and start exercising more. I lost 2KG!!! in about 3 weeks i lost 2KGS!!!! WOOOHOOOOO!!!

Im so fucking happy lah.. 2KG!!! So now im 78kg.. I used to be 80kg. I know. Fucking fat-tard. Fatty bugger. BUT GOOD NEWSS!!! I LOST 2KG!! Very happy about that. Will keep myself motivated... Since now i got lotsa free time. I shall eat healthy, plan healthy and stay healthy.

=)

I wanna thank everyone for all the support they gave me so far. Thank you for giving a shit about me when i thought someone else should be the one giving a shit instead. Thank you for not judging me badly and pushing me away. Thank you for your words of encouragement and for comforting me when i realise i cant depend on him. Thank you guys for telling me i can move on, and that time will heal my wounds. Thank you for letting me see that there is a whole world ahead of me waiting for me to blossom into the beautiful flower that i am. Thank you for telling me i tried. For every thing you guys said and done for me. I truly appreciate. Whether you have your own problems or not, you guys gave a shit. You guys ask me if im ok. You guys gave me tissues when i needed them. You guys remind me when i needed reminding. Adn you guys made joke when you see that ive cried enough. Thanks.

I'll let it go. Bit by bit. I just need to give myself some time.

=)


GODD DAY ALL!!!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TODAY WAS GREAT! I felt great. I felt happy today. I met up with Isk after school for a couple of cigs while we chatted. Isk met Azim for the first time and he ask, before Azim came " Handsome anot you friend?" Lololololol... guess what was my answer???? Lol....

And Isk told me this... "Why when you were feeling so down after your break up, why never call us or sms us?" ..... And i told him its because i didnt wanna make them worry and i didnt wanna make it seem to them as if i was weak and couldn't handle it. Just didnt wanna bother them with it. And then he said this, which touched me.... "Its times likethis you gotta look for your brothers man! Just sms us or wtv... We your bros man!"

at that moment i nearly teared sia.. honestly... But i held it in because it'll be uncool and it'll spoil the awesome-ness of the moment... Hahah... I felt great after that. After that, i decided to go swimming so i went home to wait for bryan and brought him swimming...

It was great!!! I played with Bryan and we had fun... We had so much fun... Lol... I really had fun... =)



Im trying....
Monday, January 25, 2010




KANTOI - Zee Avi

This song is damn cute.. haha. I think Zee Avi is very talented. and if im not wrong she's malaysian. Tats great. Like one asian singer that i really think is truly talented with the voice and the songs and the ukelele and the guitar. Her songs are very cute too... =) This song sound so dangdut. Lol...



Another song by Zee Avi


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXF2sBtupWw&feature=channel



LYRICS - (exactly what i wanna say to you allen)

Is this end?
Then why does it feel
We'd only just begun
I thought we were done

I think I'll hang on
If you still want me
But if you don't
I guess I'll move on

And if you need me
Close your eyes and dream
I'll give you back your key
But will you be happy?
Will you be happy?

Said we'll leave it alone
But I wont be here long
And when I'm gone
I guess then we'll know


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




Today will be gym again with Azim. And then ill be meeting Sam up because he made me a butter cake that i requested for! Lol... Awesome. It's his first time baking a cake and i get to taste it! Lol. And its made FOR me. But i wun be the first to eat lor... lol.... Cos he made a big cake so the peeps at Brussels can eat too. Can't be selfish ma hor?

So today marks the secong day im free. Free to think and do whatever i want. Free to define my new life. I dunno why im counting. I shouldn't really. Just... Wanna be happy. The first day(yesterday), was screwed. I broke down and all. But today will be better im sure.. =)


I realise im very engrossed with songs nowadays. You find me walking on the streets humming and singing to myself. Picking my brains out for song i have long lost touch with. I look like an idiot at times. But songs seem to speak out to me these days. And songs make me happier. Thjey relax me. No matter what kind of songs.

Im gonna call some people out to club soon. first of course will be the veegees. Because they have been bugging me so many times to go with them. So nw that i wanna go i will surely call them out. And secondly will be Logen and Harris. Because we talked about it the last time and i wanna see logen dance. Lolololol!!! =)

so im gonna start planning out my weeks and days. Start exercising more and really try as hard to lose these fats. Need to work out a stricter regime. Cos im starting to become lazy. Ill probably go swimming soon again. Will call Cat up...

On the other hand TANG IS COMING BACK!!! Lol... 31st Jan i think. And WEDNEDAY is my TP!!! Gosh... Im sooo fucking nervous. I gotta pass this man. Gotta be confident... I NEED TO PASS!!! PRAY FOr ME OK? If you pray... IF you're the kind that doesnt pray then JUST HOPE AND WISH UPON YOUR STARS THAT I PASS!!! passsssss.... paassssss......

Shit now i need to go shit. BYE!
Sunday, January 24, 2010







MY TWO MOST FAVOURITEST SONGS FOR NOW!! =) They're great man... Good voice. Good song. Awesome meaning. "You know how I hate... waiting around' round round...." / " and then you come and tell me the same reasons as you did, yesterday" / "I rest my case, you're always this late" / "my bitter heart is getting just a little fragile" / "so tell me what's her name?" ... =( =( =(


Well so last night marks my official last day at Brussels Sprouts. It was, what can i say, an emotional roller coaster. It took me the entire night. I was able to take it. but the minute i had to go... The tears just started to come. They said " Don't look at us and the restaurant now like you're never coming back. Cos you are." And that made me cry even more because i noe it'll be different then. Things change. I will change. And im afraid of letting go because im afraid i won't be able to see it change and be there when it change. Im afraid ill change too much and fly too far away from here... =( talking about it now makes me wanna cry too....



I got to thank all of them for being so supportive and being so great and nice to me. And Josh said the Chinatown fireworks he ordered for me. Lol. Stupid fool. Josh tickles my funny bones. He's just damn cute. Michael... He has been part of the reason why the kitchen has become such a fun place to be. And why i love being around the kitchen pass. He's scary when he's busy but he's fun and cute when he's happy. Im glad there's him. =)



Vert. Unfortunately was not there. He's away on leave. Its sad really. but i think if Vert was there ill cry even more. But i guess vert will just go "eh dun cry lah. Wa lau. Just come back lah!"



Fid was there. Fid said i can come back and work on weekends for them. He said i should just come back. Fid bring back lots of memories. HE.... was the one that taught me the ropes even before my first day of work. and he's the happy and hyper dude always around there to cheer us up. He's just truly FIDDY. Matured now, but still oozing with greatness



Gavin and Lynn was there and i talked to them for a long time. They are like the dad and mum to my 2nd family. And we shared the old times. We talked about now. Shared stories and talked about me moving on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They told me to move on. That i should take a step forward. That i have a whole life ahead of me and that i got the whole world out there waiting for me to blossom. I told them im afraid. Im scared. I thought i would have someone to hold my hands through this. I thought you would be here for me. But i overestimated our love. It wasn't as great as i thought it would be. It's not as easy as i saw it to be. With each passing day, your ignorance, your oblibion, your everything cuts through deeper and screams out to me to stop hoping. I've given up asking myself what your actions or your words means. Because like a movie i once watched.

"If he wants to make it happen. No matter what, he WILL make it happen"

So i dun wanna keep finding reasons for myself to believe in you once again. I tried. Yeah. Lynn said " Mandy, come on... It's not like you didnt try..." YES.. I've tried. So hard, Allen. I tried so hard. Even after everything i tried so hard to be friends. To pretend like how you always want me to. But i dunno how to anymore. On my last day at Brussels Sprouts. Also marks the last day ill ever be working with you. Once again, another distance dranw between us. And i thought you would have treat it with more thought and effort. But who knew, you had other plans already. I told you about my last day a while ago. And then you said you had plans with friends and you left early and all i got was a "BYE."

Ill tell the truth. Yeah it hurts. Because it made me feel like it doesnt matter where the fuck i go. You're just pretty damn glad im outta your life. No matter how many "You're still my best and closest friend" you say. I won't fall for it anymore. I can't put myself through that pain again. The thoughts of you. Just fucking kills. And you knew. That the reason why i left. Is because it would make it easier for the both of us. Couldn't you just respected my last day a little more and at least do a proper goodbye? everyone did. Everyone did except you.

Felt like i've lost so much of the meaning in my life. and today marks the day i should start looking for new meanings of life to live for. I wanna burn those thoughts in my mind. I wanna put them up in a box and lock them up inside for good and stuff the box right to the rear of my fucking brain. Do you know how much .... this hurts? Why? Why the fuck do i have to repeat myself so many times even though i know that its useless? Why ? What the fuck is the whole meaning of this? the only thing that ive learnt from this again... Is that... It has just re-enforce the thought in my head that all men are evil. And they lie and cheat and make you feel like shit. And it re-enforces the fact that good things never last and nobody can ever find the right one.

Don't kid yourself, who ever you are. shit. I dunno what im saying. I need to erase you Allen. I NEED to erase you and the saddest part, i think. Is that you're helping making this easier. Like its nothing to you. Like IM nothing to you. everything will change. From today it's a new start i guess.

I left Brussels Sprouts for myself to get away from you. do you SERIOUSLY think i would uneccesarily wanna meet up with you just to catch up? Really? Which part of your brain tells you that after what we've gone through, you think we can be the fucking closest friends ever and meet up day by day and pretend like nothing happen and see each other and laugh and make common casual jokes.? I left Brussels Sprouts because it's getting difficult. Seeing you and being mind-fucked. And you think ill run against the wall again by meeting you? Am i really a dumb ass fuck to you? Do you really think i cant see thru your pretence? Your lies? Your comforting words are all bullshit. you dun see the consequences of your words. You dun see the weight they pull...


To you, "i miss you" means "yeah. its different. not the same. but ok lor. anything."
To me, it means " I can't live without you. everynight i think about you and i fill my head with so much thoughts about you that i cant feel anything else

To you, "best friend" means hi-bye.
to me? i would really appreciate it if best friends means you give a shit.

You dun see the way your words hurt. You dun see the way your words give people the hope that you cannot fulfill. You just say it bcos you THINK thats what you should say. Doesnt come from the heart. If im the kind that believe in being best friends after a relationship like that. Farhan would have been my best friend too. Gosh. Open up your eyes and see that it's impossible wun you?

I don't wanna be friends. Yea, im stupid maybe. Maybe im being unreasonable and irrational and immature. But i don't wanna be friends. If i cant have it all, i don't want anythiing at all. I don't wanna be bestest closest friends. I dun wanna be fishing khakis. I dun wanna be colleagues. I dun wanna even be hi-bye. But you can't give me what i want and selfishly, i HAVE to let it go.

Like they said, i got a whole world ahead of me. Waiting for me to blossom. Waiting for me to take that step. The only thing holding me back is you. And you might go all noble on me and say " Its ok. Mandy , i let you go. I dun wanna stop you from doing anything you should do... blah blah blah..." But the damage is already done. THE DAMAGE IS ALREADY DONE!!!! so don't go all noble on me and say you'll let me go. you've lock me up and thrown the keys into the ocean.

But then again, do i think you'll even understand half of what i say here? NO. If i say it to you in your face, would you understand? No. You'll see the tears, you'll feel my hurt. Then you'll just run away. What a man. what a man i've fallen for. What can i do to make you understand and realise the things that you cannot see and feel

From what i heard, NOTHING. I cant do two shits about it because why? If you dun want to, there's nothing in hell i can do to change anything. So after saying so much. I just wanna say, im still trying to let go. My decisions were swayed a little recently but now you got it cleared up for me. Thanks for showing me how much you didn't give a shit. Maybe its your way of telling me to move on. I guess ok.... I will fulfill whatever you want and ill try as hard to move on. I guess thats just you telling me how you need me to just get out of your life for now. I wil... Im sorry for everything that ive done lately that might have shown some weakness. Ill try to be happy from now. even if not for you, for myself. And for those who actually GIVES a shit about me.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I miss Tang. I wanna go fishing. I just realise how fishing relaxes my mind. and Tang teaching me about tying knots and baiting and stuff makes me feel like im actually learning something. I wish i can pass my test and drive him around like he wants me to. I really miss Tang. =(

I miss Azim. I have so much fun when im with him. Joking around. I wish evryday i had people like this to spend my days with. Maybe it's because im in a pile of shit now and need them to help me up. But its people like this that helps you get thru life easier.

I miss Yeni and Fateha. The times we played Shoot Shag and Marry. The times i listen to them gossip about the little malay society that when i listen, seem uber small because everyone seem to know everyone else. Or someone is definitely someone's cousin, or someone's cousin's cousin. They're like the malay sisters i never had. and they know when im upset or need a crying shoulder. But yet sometimes they know they should just wait til i say something. Cos if they force it out of me. I might just back away. They know me inside out. They try as much to give a shit as much as they can. We've got so different lives now.

I miss the matchstix gang people. TeckKhang, Danny, Isk, Harris. They're like the lepak friends. and Im so sorry i havent had the time to chill with them. Now i will have. They great to hang out with and talk cock with. We share stories, and talk about girls. And we answer each other questions about the facts on love, life and wtv nots. We laugh at each other for no apparent reasons and poke fun at each other just for fun. And they always make me laugh.

I miss my mama and yeye. =( If i elaborate on this. I'll start to cry again... So i shall not. I just miss them.

I miss Zhong he and Mei mei. They're so cute. and just like how ive taken a liking to them, they too have done the same. And they the little devilish angels of kids that ill love to spend time with. I wish i had mor etime to spend with them. Glad to have met them. I gotta thank them actually. I guess they were my express ticket into the Liu family. And being nice to them made me feel special. cos they were nice to me too. I like being friends with kids. Cos to them, friends are innocent cute little thinsg that spend time with you and play with you and hang out with you and talk to you and gives a shit about you when you're bored or sad. kids are angels in disguise sent to earth to wakje us dumb humans up.

Ok. this is a long lengthy wordy post. And i shall end here.
Thursday, January 21, 2010

I just thought of this....

Isnt life just like 10,000 songs played on shuffle?

You never know what song you'll get next.

Love song? broken hearted song? Pop song? song about someone's mum? Song about wanting to die?

And we always have a song that we can relate to at every junction. You can choose to skip the current song by pressing next. But, you wun know if the next song will be better. You just skip the current one anyway.

It just keeps playing and playing. You just have to wait till the song you like comes about. Or what for that ONE love song that makes you cry and laugh at the same time. Then after that you wait for the family song. Or wtv that floats your boat.


So, life isn't like a game or a gamble to me anymore. Life, is like, songs put on shuffle mode. even if you press back after you accidentally press forward, its a different song all over again. No more the same.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bad Romance - Lady GAGA


I want your love
And want your revenge
I want your love
I don’t wanna be friends


J'veux ton amour
Et je veux ton revenge
J'veux ton amour


I don't wanna be friends


Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
(I don't wanna be friends)
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance
(I don't wanna be friends)
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Want your bad romance
Caught in a bad romance
(Want your bad romance)

I want your loving
I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!)

I want your loving
All your love is revenge
You and me could write a bad romance



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
some pictures... =)



My Brother Wilson,

and my Gu--ma's

birthday celebration

Family photo... =)


My FAMILY.
JUST AWESOME.



From left: My uncle, my cousin (CHYE),
My auntie, My cousin (BOON)


US THREE SIBLINGS

SENTOSA WITH BRYAN AND MY DAD.

The day my dad inured his back.

We had great food, drinks, and beer! =)
My dad's so cool....


HAha....
About 30 mins after this picture was taken.
My dad was injured and we were on our way to the hospital...
Haha... He has to admit he's old...

I baked cookies recently.
This is how it looks like before being baked!



This is AFTER!

AND THIS IS AWESOME!!!
It tasted great too!
Was gone by 2 days.. =)
And i baked quite alot.





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Je souhaite que vous montiez juste à moi et me vous dire aimez-moi et ne pouvez pas vivre sans moi. Pourquoi nous ne peut pas simplement travailler ceci dehors ? Vous juste devez ouvrir vos yeux et voir cela je t'aime. Veuillez me comprendre juste. J'ai besoin de vous tellement mal. Chaque nuit je pleure moi-même pour dormir juste pensant à nous. Il perdant dur quelqu'un amour d'I tellement. J'essaye. Je suis vraiment. Mais chaque où je vais, tout ce je fais, je pense à vous. Je peux seulement souhaiter, et espoir, que les choses commencent à établir bientôt. Souhait vous étiez ici pour attraper mes larmes. Souhait vous pourriez sentir mes craintes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Zhang Hui Mei - Jie Tuo (chinese song - pinyin)

ai shi bu ye cheng
hui yi xiang xing chen
re lei yue fei teng
wo yue gan jue you dian leng

bian le xin de ren
yue xiang yue shang ren
ku zuo dao qing chen
yang guang ti fang jian kai le deng

xiang ruo jie ju yi yang
you he ku zai xiang
shang ruo rang ren cheng zhang
wo wei shen me pa fen shou de shang

jie tuo
shi ken cheng ren zhe shi ge cuo
wo bu ying gai hai bu fang shou
ni you zi you zou
wo you zi you hao hao guo

jie tuo
shi dong ca gan lei kan yi hou
zhao ge xin fang xiang wang qian zou
zhe shi jie liao kuo
wo zong hui shi xian yi ge meng

xin li you yi zhong
ke wang yong gan de nian tou
bu yao ai wo de ren zai dan xin wo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IN TRANSLATION (english) Sorry ah i dunno some words lah... =(

Love is .................
Memories are like a journey
.................
I still feel a little cold.

Someone who has changed of hearts,
thinking about it hurts
......
the sunlight lit up the room

Thinking about it still creates the same ending
So why do i still think about it?
The pain makes us to grow up.
Why am i so afriad of the pain ill get after a break up?

Letting go.
Is admitting that this is a mistake
I shouldn't still be holding on
You got the right to leave,
and i got the right to live happily

Letting go.
Is drying up your tears, and looking forward
Look for a new way of life to lead
This world is vast,
im sure ill fulfill at least ONE dream

in my heart,
there's a hope to be strong
To stop letting the people who love me
worry about me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yeah. The songs very nice and its very meaningful. About letting go. Heard this when i went karaoke yesterday. Almost brought tears to my eyes. And yeah. Just at the same time, you msged.

So, today is FYP day. And after that its gym with the ZIMSTER. And on my way to school i formulated a plan for my diet. This plan includes some change of diet and more exercise. A standard diet. But im thinking, still contemplating whether i should go get those pills that make you feel full. Saw it on the clinic. Well, so lets just see how this goes. I wanna look good (like duh, who doesn't?) ...

And ill show you guys and you, that..... i'll be damn fucking hott lor! If i succeed.!!! Sorry... I MEAN WHEN I SUCCEED!!! Lol... I just thought this will, i dunno... take my mind off things. And make me healthy and HOTTER. and hopefully, make everyone regret not having me as their girlfriend. Lol... Just kidding. Just wanna be healthier and HOTTER.

Gotta go now. Buai....
Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I can tell by your eyes
That youve probably
been crying forever
And the stars in the sky
Dont mean nothing to you
they're a mirror

I dont wanna talk about it
How you broke my heart
If I stay here just a little bit longer
If I stay here wont you
listen to my heart
My heart

If I stand all alone
Will the shadows
hide the color of my heart
Will they be blue for the tears
Black for the nights
we spent apart
And the stars
dont mean nothing to you
They're a mirror

I dont wanna talk about it
How you broke my heart
Oh if I stay, if I stay here
Wont you listen to my heart
I dont wanna talk about it
How you broke my heart
If I stay, if I stay here
just a little bit longer
If I stay here
wont you listen to my heart

If I stand all alone
Will the shadows
hide the colors of my heart

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Im using the M1 plug and play wireless at the 4th level of HDB hub now. Why there? cos its the only place i know that has a plug i can use for my laptop. Anyway, i think the more impt qns is why the fuck am i here? BCOS!!! AZIM!!! ZIMSTER!!! ZIMMY!!!! ZIMZIM!!!! called me and tell me his friend cant send him to school anymore and he'll be uber late. And before he said that. We were deliberating whether or not to go to school. So i guess, like a sign from god, we decided that we shouldn't go school. And Zimmy, being the awesome baby that he is.... is coming to toa payoh to meet me. =) Anyway, just to clear things up abit. Zimster, Aiden, Grayce and Vignesh are my FYP teammates. Zimmy and Aiden are closer to me cos we come from the same class since last semester. Grayce and I are pretty tight too. Don't meet much nowadays but i still treat her like a really good friend. Im sure she does too. Vignesh? I treat her as a friend. Enough said about that.

The MAIN point is... WE CALL EACH OTHER BABIES~!! Like baby, honey, darling, dear, sayang... We're love birds. We share our love. And aiden is our sweetheart baby who makes us all frustrated at times and happy and joyful at times. We're just great awesome friends. =) This conversation happened between BRYAN and I the other day.

He was playing with my hp when Aiden msged me.

"Hi baby! tomorrow 1045 am right?"

Bryan, being the damn kaypo kia he is, read the msg and gave me the uber shocked face!
I asked him why?

"YOU HAVE A NEW BOYFRIEND?????????" He exclaimed out lous in the bus with my mum right beside me.

"NOOOO!!!!! WTF??" I shouted back and snatched the phone away thinking WTF would make him think that.

He resisted and read the msg out loud. And my mum looked at me with suspicious eyes.

So i denied and told them that Aiden's my baby. My lil baby brother.. =) Emo brother. Lol..



So Yeah. It was funny. Anyway we went to eat Udders later on after a great meal at Zhou's kitchen. My treat for Zhou's and Mum's treat for Udders. I dun see what the big hoo ha is about Udders. They have a great big humongous black board filled with flavours for customers to vote for what kind of ice cream they want on the menu. Other than that, the ice cream is just, so~so. I ordered four ice cream flavours and only liked one. Maybe ill go another time and see if they're really worth a chance. =) Been hearing so much talk about Udders. Honestly? I think Island creamery deserves to be Queen of Ice cream in my heart. Love the Nutella Ice cream. Coconut Swirl. Teh tarik. They got so many super awesomeness flavours. I guess they're situated at a pretty ulu place. So very hard to find them. They got another at Great world, though i haven't been there...

OH DID I MENTION TOA PAYOH GOT POPEYES!?!?!?! awesome..... !!!! Maybe I'll go with zimzim to Popeyes later.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So today i feel guilty cos i skipped school and i know im suppose to go and all. Im sorry. Hais. Can't wait for it to be over.

ON THE OTHER HAND!!! On the 27th will be the date i take my TP test! Holy shitermollies! Am i nervous or what??!?! I can't fail this man. I really cant?!?! Ill kilm myself and then kill myself again!!! It's just totally fucked up if i fail again. But im quite confident ill pass. But sometimes, cofident is accompanied by disappointment right? Lol.. Knn.. fuck this. Im gonna pass it.

My father say he wun let me drive the car right after i pass. Why? Cos he wun be in town then and he wun let me drive it on my own. He needs to supervise me for the first few rides before he trusts me. His take is that ill need to learn the functions of his car before i can drive it. Im thinnking what special functions his car have? But anyway, its just safety precautions. I have to go thru it. Just wait lor. =( hopefully i get to drive it before i go to Macau. =(

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If Aiden reads this while he's in school today. He'll prolly be pissed. Skip school bo jio. Lol. But he can't skip ma. He good boy wan...! Plus today is June Tan! His fave sexy awesome faci. So he wun skip that for US? Who the fuck are we compared to that hott bod of hers? Lol...

thinking abpout school remind me of FYP. Thinking of that makes me wanna close this laptop RIGHT now and forget about it till tomorrow's tomrrow's tomorrow's next week's next week's next day. So yah. fuck FYP.

My grades have been falling like leaves in autumn. Down down down down down. Very bad. THIS IS VERY BAD. But fuck. I really dun see why i should go to school and study shit subjects that im not even interested in. In so many jobs ads. They say PASSION, and INTEREST to be so very the important. Yah lah! OF COS LAH! Stupid matha fuckas. If i got passion ill study my diploma with flying colours also what. CB.

WahSian.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anw, my facebook is up and running again if anyone gives two shits about it. I ... dun really use it... But i opened it for a reason. To see if a promise was kept. But it wasn't. So i left it open there. Dun go into it often anyway. Dun see a need to. But i guess. To some, Facebook's a must have. No matter how many promises you break and who you hurt, i guess facebook is really very important. So ill keep it open and hopefully one day it's importance will shine on me. It's stupid really. And i was quite pissed really. But wtf can i do? Sit there like a mother fuckin' duck and pretend to be happy. Cos nobody will understand. And im too lazy to explain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

everyone's been getting new phones lately around me. My bro's got a blackberry. My dad's got a Nokia E72 i think. I got a Samsung Omnia 2. And so on and so forth im lazy to go into detail. you get the point. And iphones are so trendy and in now. Black berry(s) are slowly catching up with the youngster nowadays cos they think its cool to own one. Harris got one. Just cos its cool! Lol... Yea its cool lah. =( I don't have mah. So its cool lor! I didn't wanna wait and pay for the iphone so i got the samsung. I dun mind a fucked phone. Just, dunno how to use it. =( I dun think many will agree with me that samsung omnia 2 is a fucked phone. But it is.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

what a long post this is. And it's more than 3/4 happy stuff... So yea. Shall sign off here before my happy pills run out and my happiness fades away... =)

Oh, i feel guilty. Went drinking again yesterday. i promised my mum and dad i will stop. Cos they don't like me to drink. Just couldn't help it. the temptation was too strong. Im sorry. =( I wish i was better. Wish ill get better soon. The heart wants, what the heart wants. And a broken heart can only hope to be mended by the person who broke that heart. In chinese, they say, "XIN BING YAO YOU XIN YAO YI". In driect translation? A heart sickness will need a heart medicine to cure. something lidat. It just means that, whoever fuck broke my heart better come forth and mend the fuck away or im just gonna die tomorrow and you'll see how much regret you have in your life! Lol. Just kidding. Means, im all broken inside.

I need you.
Sunday, January 17, 2010






I realise im runing out of words to say about our relationship.. Thats why ive been using lyrics so often to express my thoughts about you. I dunno, every song seems to be linked up or be talking about you. Somehow my mind just wanders to a place that makes me think so much about you. Can't stop it, can't control it, it just happens.










So, hows life so far? Good? Great? AWESOME? My life has been so~so. My family and I(excluding Wilson cos' he's in the army), will be going to Macua for chinese new year. I dunno, i guess if you look at it in a philosophical way, my family seems to be running away from something. Maybe since my grandparents went away, we didn't really have much to celebrate. The family spirit just isn't there anymore. So i guess the lousy way to put it is we're running away from festivities that is SUPPOSE to be happy and joyous and FAMILY. The better way and HAPPIER way to put it would be, HOLIDAY!!! YAY!!!! And i get to go into the casino because Macau is AWESOME! They don't have an age limit, or even if they do, they don't enforce it! Lol. Gambling. Well what can i say? It's fun and dangerous. Financially dangerous!










I had a msn conversation with Adek just... Went something like....










"Yeni! I have no skills! What to put in my resume?" said I.










"Good in bed can put under skills? Is it relevant?" I asked.










"Maybe.. If you're sending it for a job opening as a PROSTITUTE!!" Yeni exclaimed.










"Prostitution also need RESUME??"















So she made me laugh. On a very normaly typical day where i just roam around with whoever thats with me. A simple joke like this by someone i hold dearly, made me smile. Somehow, the simple things make me feel so much more happier than big things now. There're some words and their meanings that brings shivers down my bones recently. Thinking about those meanings and wondering how they have affected my life, make me THINK even more... =/










1) Intentions....





2) Expectations....





3) Disappointment...





4) Trust....





5) Love...





6) Promises...





7) Complications...





8) Pretentious...





9) Wants and needs...





10) Feelings...










I dunno. Somehow, they seem to link everything up together. Im afraid that i might just be doing everything wrongly. I might just have been too oblivious to see that something is simple and i just had to accept it. But yet my fucked up brain works, and tells me that whatever i believe is whatever is the truth, to me. I won't and i can't let everything go just because of something i can't see. Maybe that's why i can't love. Maybe thats why i don't believe in god. Maybe that's why, i don't know how to love you. =( Sigh. Ok. I should stop being so emo...










Today i met Sam up cos he had my perfume with him. We had kunch and he WAS LATE! so we couldn't go to my favourite place to eat BAK CHOR MEE. We settled for another BAK CHOR MEE at another place which wasn't as nice but still quite nice. Haha. It's the coffeeshop near the old NTUC at Toa Payoh Central.










AND GUESS WHAT!!!?!?!?!? THERE'S POPEYE'S AT TOA PAYOH ENTERTAINMENT CENTRE!!! GUYS!!! FUCKING AWESOME OR WHAT!?!?!?!??!










Popeye's is awesome man. Better than KFC in my opinion. Teh mash potatoes are great, with bacon bits on top. And they have great chicken. I dun have to go airport to eat popeyes anymore. I think the Toa payoh branch is the THIRD branch. One at airport, one at marina(i think), and now TPY!!! YAY-ness... Totally, AWEsome!!!










Ok. Here are some pictures for you to enjoy. Just some first... Very lazy to upload. some pictures of Tang, Allen and MAndy on adventures. FISHING adventures.. =) Tang is my fishing mentor. My SHI FU! He's now at Europe and his next mission for me has nothing to do with my fishing skills. HE WANTS ME TO PASS MY DRIVING LICENSE AND DRIVE HIM FISHING ONCE HE COMES BACK! Lol .. Tang's GREAT. He motivates me... =)




DOne by the ever genius Allen.
He asked "What will happen if i did THIS?"
And he took the plyer and cut the ligh stick open.
HIS HANDs and the plyer was coloured with luminous liquid.
Then he went "OH SHIT! WTF!"
GENIUS? Of course! Lol..

TANG CAUGHT A TOHDUCK!!!
I dunno how to spell...
But that's how its's pronouced. TOH-DUCK. Lol.
It was great fun! =)


I DID THIS!!!
Isn't it just great??
I LOVE OUR ADVENTURES!! =)






MORE PICTURES NEXT TIME!

GOTTA GO BUY GROCERIES TO COOK FOR DINNER NOW. =) BYE GUYS!

Friday, January 15, 2010

You know what's funny? It started of as this ...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ABSTRACT FROM GOODBYE - Kristina Debarge

Am I supposed to put my life on hold
Because you don't know how to act
And you don't know where your life is going
Am I supposed to be torn apart,
broken hearted, in a corner crying?

Pardon me if I don't show it
I don't care if I never see you again
I'll be alright
Take this final piece of advice
and get yourself together,
But either way baby, I'm gone

.......Goodbye

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then it became this.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GIVES YOU HELL - THE AMERICAN REJECTS (ABSTRACT)

.......
When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell,
I hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell,
I hope it gives you hell
..........

If you find a man thats worth the damn
and treats you well
Then he's a fool you're just as well
hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell

Tomorrow you'll be thinking to yourself
Where did it all go wrong?
But the list goes on and on
..................

Now you'll never see
What you've done to me
You can take back your memories
They're no good to me
And here's all your lies
If you look me in the eyes
With the sad, sad look
That you wear so well
When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell,
I hope it gives you hell

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AND NOW THIS.........

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FALL FOR YOU - SECONDHAND SERENADE

The best thing about tonight's
that we're not fighting
Could it be that we
have been this way before

I know you don't think
that I am trying
I know you're wearing
thin down to the core

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true

Because a girl like you
is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you
I'd never fall apart
You always thought
that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start

........

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold onto your words
Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When your asleep
.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I feel like a car. The ones where anyone tries and tries to start the engine but fails. My engine has failed me. I dunno. Just feel like i cant feel love anymore. All i can feel is just those empty kind of happiness that lingers around and then disappears making you wonder where the hell its gone. The feeling sucks. I know im a car, and my main purpose is to drive and go places. But my engine's stalled. WHY DON'T YOU START MY ENGINE? Why cant i fufill the life i was suppose to fulfill? I need someone to jump start my engine. But nobody knows how to. Even i have no idea. I'm a god damn car for christ sake.

I want to be a good car. Just go renew my COE or something. I dun wanna be scrapped off from your life. Im YOUR car. But its like you dunno how to drive or you're just to lazy to drive. You got your license. YOu just dun wanna use it. =( Why won't you just drive? I dun want anyone else to drive. I want you. But you dun get it. To you, who ever drive also the same. Hais. Just wake up and start my engine... PLEASE! I feel like im out out fuel and i only need you as my fuel. and my driver. And the rest of the foctors involved in driving a god damn car. Why can't you just see that im running out of ideas and words and strength to fight this? I can't start without fuel. I just can't... =(

[Added/EDITTED]

FUCK. Now i know why i don't trust you and why i can't trust you. You're just the best at reminding me that you're a liar and can't keep to your promises. that's just great. Abso-fucking-lutely GREAT! You keep making it easier to hate you. Or maybe its me. LOOKING for reasons to hate you. Fuck. Promised. You promised. And i couldn't help but go find out. And i couldn't help but feel fucked after i found out. so in other words, im just looking for pain to befall on me. Why? Why can't you just fucking prove that you're not a liar and you ARE a man of your words? Why the fuck you gotta go do shit that makes you look like a jerk and a fucktard? fuck. Im pissed and hurt and feeling like shit now. Cb. I need a fucking drink. Fuck i fucking wanna drink now. fuck you make it easier to hate you and hating you isnt that easy. Cb. I thought i was doing better. Knn. Fuck i wanna get away from this. I wanna get away from you. I dun wanna need you. Fuck.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I need to start a new exercise regime soon. Im gaining a whole load of kilos and my tummy's the size of a giant watermelon. Anyway, i've taken to swimming. Went swimming yesterday, alone... Felt great after that. Abit lonely during my swims. But it gave me time to think. Don't think that i thought of anything productive but i thought about stuffs. Ate sushi with mum, dad and dad's friend after that.

I'm going swimming again today with Tang's wife, Cat. I like swimming. But yesterday i found out how out of touch i was. Can't swim 2 laps without panting like i just ran the whole of great wall of china. Gotta get my stamina up again. I swam 10-12 laps yesterday. Can't feel any stretch at all at my muscles. So today i will try to swim more laps. I tracked water for at least 30 mins yesterday, in intervals. ALSO, dun feel any stretch in my legs. So i will track more water today. Sunday i shall go jogging. I know it seems unbelievable. Really. Im trying here. I need to keep myself busy, motivated, healthy and away from alcohol. And the only way i know how is to keep looking myself in the mirror and tell myself what i need to change and how to change it. I don't have money for lipo. And im thinking lipo is gonna be damn painful so i dun wanna go through that pain. So i need to jog, and swim and maybe cycling soon. =)

Need to cut down on my food intake too. Lesser chips and fried food. Try to eat one full meal a day and then cereal or bread on other meals. So iim trying to diet here. I think i am. Just a first tiny little step. I dun wanna be too ambitious when it comes to this. People always laugh at me for being unable to finish my diet and lose enough weight. =( So im not doing this for those fucktards. Im doing this, for myself. Maybe exercising will take my mind off things or clear up my emotions a little. There's too many clusters and clumped up clots in my heart. Gotta untie those knots. I wish someone would be here for me at a time like this and know exactly what to do and what not to do, what to say and when to shut up. But NO! In life, you dont always get what you want.

So i just gotta live with it. Right? Right....
Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I WISH I WISH... I WISH I COULD HEAR THIS COMING OUT OF YOU. NOT ANYONE ELSE. JUST YOU. I WISH. I WISH YOU KNEW JUST WHAT TO DO..

DOWN - Jay Sean & Lil' Wayne

Baby are you down down down
down down,Down, down,
Even if the sky is falling down,
Down, down Ooh (ohhh)

You oughta know,
tonight is the night to let it go,
Put on a show,
i wanna see how you lose control,

So leave it behind
`cause we, have a night to get away,
So come on and fly with me,
as we make our great escape.

So baby don`t worry,
you are my only,
You won`t be lonely,
even if the sky is falling down,
You`ll be my only,
no need to worry,
Baby are you down down down
down down, Down, down,
Baby are you down down down
down down,Down, down,
Even if the sky is falling down,

Just let it be,
come on and bring your body next to me,
I`ll take you away, hey,
turn this place into our private getaway,
So leave it behind `cause we,
have a night to get away,
So come on and fly with me,
as we make our great escape,
(so why don`t we run away)

So baby don`t worry,
you are my only,
You won`t be lonely,
even if the sky is falling down,
You`ll be my only,
no need to worry,
Baby are you down down
down down down,Down, down,

Baby are you down down
down down down,Down, down,
Even if the sky is falling down,

Even if the sky is falling down
like she supposed to be,
She gets down low for me,
Down like her temperature,
`cause to me she zero degree,
She cold, overfreeze,

I got that girl from overseas,
Now she my miss america,
Now can i be her soldier please,
I`m fighting for this girl,
In a battlefield of love,
Don`t it look like baby cupid
sent his arrows from above,
Don`t you ever leave the side of me,
Indefinitely, not probably,
And honestly im down like the economy,
Yeahhhhhh

So baby don`t worry,
you are my only,
You won`t be lonely,
even if the sky is falling down,
You`ll be my only,
no need to worry,
Baby are you down down
down down down,Down, down,
Baby are you down down
down down down,Down, down,
Even if the sky is falling down

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fuck What's wrong with me and lyrics nowadays right? Dammit. Gotta let go. Gotta! And. finding a job seems so confusing. I dunno where to start. And im afraid and nervous and scared and lazy and all the bad things i shouldn't be. I need a new life. I need a new lease to hold on to. Something to refresh my thoughts. I keep remembering all the lies i was told and all the promises that were given and then stolen away from me. I keep remembering how we started and how this ended. I keep thinking if there is any chance at all you would step up to the game and do something to salvage this.

Cos i know, if i cant accept this, we cant work out. And if you cant change, we cant work out. That's the thing that kills us. Fuck it kills us. And you're sitting there telling me " We still are very close friends. You're still my best friend".. Gosh.. Wake up allen. Smell the fucking smeely breeze of a break up. Smell the breeze of "I want it all, or nothing at all..."... Smell the fucking air and see if you really still believe that there is any chance of us being best friends ever again. Years later? I would have gotten over you and you? The same... Just cant happen. Nobody knows what will happen in the future if we don't make the most of the present. And like i say, i cant do shit now. Whatever i do, ill be trying to hard to get nth out of you. It has gotta come from you. And till now, still no sign. No nothing. Maybe until i ask you. You'll just sit in the corner and wreck ur mind apart wondering what to do with me...

Act all happy.. Act all innocent like nothing bad happened. Tats what you're great at. Hoping that pretence will cure all this pain and wishing that i cant see through you. If i wanted to pretend, i would have stayed on.

Damn. K. Anyway everything seems to suck right now. Just.. gotta sleep thru it i guess.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010

NOBODY KNOWS but me - BabyFace

Wish I told her how I feel,
Maybe she'd be here right now
but instead...

I pretend that I'm glad you went away
These four walls closing more every day
And I'm dying inside
And nobody knows it but me

Like a clown I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows
And I'm crying inside
And nobody knows it but me

Why didn't I say the things I needed to say
How could I let my angel get away
Now my world is just tumblin' down
I can say it so clearly but
you're no where around

The nights are so lonely
the days are so sad and
I just keep thinking
about the love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me

I carry smile when I'm broken in two
And I'm nobody without someone like you
I'm trembling inside
And nobody knows it but me (yeah)

Lie awake, it's a quarter past three
I'm screaming at night
as if I thought you'd hear me
Yeah, my heart is calling you
And nobody knows it but me (well, well)

How blue can I get?
You could ask my heart
But like a jigsaw puzzle
it's been torn all apart
Billion words couldn't say just how I feel
A million years from now you know
I'll be loving you still

The nights are so lonely
the days are so sad and
I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me
oooo oohhhhh yeah

Tomorrow morning,
I'm a hit a dusty road
Gonna find you,
where ever, ever you might go
And I'm gonna load my heart
and hope you come back to me
Sunday, January 10, 2010

I TRY - MACY GRAY

Games, changes and fears
When will they go from here
When will they stop
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together
But we're not

I play it off but
I'm dreamin of you
I'll keep it cool but I'm fiendin.

I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisoner of your love
I may seem alright and smile
when you leave
But my smiles are just a front
I play it off
But I'm dreamin of you

I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

Here is my confession
May I be your possesion
Boy I need your touch
Your love kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I can't deny

I play it off but im dreamin of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin
I try to say good bye and
I choke I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


KATY PERRY - THINKING OF YOU

Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed

You said move on
Where do I go
I guess second best
Is all I will know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center

How do I get better
Once I've had the best
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test

He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself
Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night

Oh I wish that I was looking into...
You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson's learned
I touched it, I was burned
Oh I think you should know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night

Oh I wish that I was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...
Friday, January 08, 2010

Diona asks me why my posts are always so emo. Well, =) Today's gonna be a NON-EMO one ok?Just for you Diona. =) And no matter how not okay i am or okay i am, i always appreciate you asking me whether imokay already anot... =) Haha..

So, about ONE more month ill graduate. I got a call from Lynn offering me a job at her workplace. Im interested but im thinking if i should go look around at other places first. I've gotten my resume ready and up to go. Just need to scan in a picture. So im pretty excited. Lynn's call woke me up and made me realise that i gotta wake up from this dream man. ONE more month ill be out of school and into the real working world. So i gotta start being serious about life and thinking about job opportunities. I've got butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it. Scared leh... SCARED!!! Knn...

Azim posted on his blog talking about a conversation we had two days ago. I told him i was going to accompany him for awhile but my friend came early to pick me up from school so i had to leave him. So he got angry and jealous and ask if i was going on a date. And i said no. Well, then i played around and told him "YOU SNOOZE, YOU LOSE!" If you wanted to ask me out should have ask earlier.. Now he asks " IS THAT A HINT?" Hahaha... Azim! Must go figure it out yourself... =) And, i need to make out with your GAN-MEI again but she's like totally unavailable. Lol... We should go for an "outing" soon. *if you know what i mean.. * ;)

* Just as im typing this azim is going to the toilet to shit. *

* Once again, i emphasize. AZIM IS FULL OF SHIT! *

I miss my brother... I miss kor kor... He's in OCS now getting an awesome SOLID military training and he's becoming a man. I miss having someone to talk to and to cry to. I miss just having him around. He's the best brother anyone could ever ask for.

My grades are so-so lor... skip so many times. Jialat lah... But think still can pass lah. Just not good grades lor.. Most of the things i learn i don't remember anyway. Haha. Don't think my diploma will do me any good in the real world. The direction im going towards has nothing to do with my Diploma. sianz. Work a few years first then decide, THATS MY PLAN! =)

Anw these days i've been drinking non-stop. Outside, at home and everywhere else. Went to wavehouse at Sentosa the other day during Brussels Sprouts function. Skipped school for that. TOTALLY MATHA-FARKIN WORTH IT LAH I TELL YOU!!! Seriously. No joke. Awesome and COMPANY PAID! =) Free flow i tell you is the best. And we had uber awesome fun! Havent had much fun in so long. Drinking again feels free. Feels light. But i think i got addicted again. I want to drink every single day. But im trying to stop. I made a promise to my dad and mum. I gotta apologise to them. I will, soon... =) I just gotta sort out some fucked up thiings in my life.


OKAYS!! GOTTA GO!!! =)
Oh yah.. Anyway, working at Brussels is so different now. I dun think anything got better. Maybe just some little bity things. Dunno how to talk to Vert or Gav about it. Im leaving there soon anyway. I dunno if what i say will mean anything.
Thursday, January 07, 2010

The nights are lonely,
the days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin' about
The love that we had
And I'm missin' you
And nobody knows it but me

I carry a smile when I'm broken in two
And I'm nobody without someone like you
I'm tremblin' inside and nobody knows it but me
I lie awake it's a quarter past three
I'm screamin' at night as if I thought
You'd hear me
Yeah my heart is callin' you
And nobody knows it but me

How blue can I get
You could ask my heart
But like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart
A million words couldn't say just how I feel
A million years from now you know
I'll be lovin' you still

The nights are lonely,
the days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin' about
The love that we had
And I'm missin' you
And nobody knows it but me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Back me down from backing up
Hold your breath now it's stacking up
Etched with marks, but I can deal
And you're the problem and you can't feel
Try this on, straightjacket feeling
so maybe I won't be alone

Take back now, my life you're stealing
Yesterday was over
Today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is staring holes in me again

Trust you is just one defense
off a list of others,
you don't make sense
Beg me time and time again to take you back now,
but you can't win

Take back now, my life you're stealing
Yesterday was over
Today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is staring holes in me again,
but today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you

And when the memory slips away
There will be a better view from here
And only lonesome you remains
and just the thought of you I fear it falls away
Yesterday was over
Today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is staring holes in me again,
but today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hate this. But it's gotta be right. It's the only thing i know that can fix us. It's the only thing. Fuck.