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mandy-low @blogspot.com ♥
Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Sometimes I wonder what I mean to people around me?
Am I important? Do my words and actions have an impact at all in your life?
Or am I just a passing cloud?
Even for those who I am close with and believe for sure they do truly love and care for me...
I still wonder if I mean anything... Do they just enjoy spending time with me?
If I'd leave suddenly would they miss me?
Would they cry for days and days hoping I'll come back?
I mean, I feel important when I'm with them...
But when I'm not, I feel like I'm easily forgotten...
Am I? Easily forgotten?

I think my self-esteem has gotten so low I put no worth to myself..
I don't see how important I can be to anyone...

Aryani, Who am I to you?
Fateha, Who am I to you?
Harris, Who am I to you?
Iskandar, Who am I to you?
Danny, Who am I to you?
TK, Who am I to you?
Logen, Who am I to you?
Ais, Who am I to you?
Vanessa, Who am I to you?

G, Who am I to you?
Y, Who am I to you?
J, Who am I to you?
B, Who am I to you?
E, Who am I to you?
S, Who am I to you?
A, Who am I to you?

So easy to categorize.. Im either a friend.. A good friend.. Close friend.. Best friend.. Girl friend... or wtv..
But who am I in your heart? What place do I hold? Would I ever be replaced? Would you care if i told you every day I'm not ok... And believe that I'm not ok? OR would you be cynical? And tell me you understand but actually inside you're thinking " Bleah.. She'll pull thru.. She's just beinga  drama queen..."

Why is it so impt? because we all live for something/someone...
and i dun see myself living for anything.. Except what I mean to others...
The day I mean nothing to everybody.. The day I have lietrally nothing to live for...
We all need someone... I just need everyone who I love to need me too...
Is it crazy? This need to be needed?

Sigh... Grow Up Mandy... =(
Friday, December 09, 2011

Everything's going haywire...

Or at least it feels like it is..

My world revolves around thai disco and alcohol nowadays..
Spending money like it's easy to earn..

Everything's wrong, no matter how right people keep telling me it is...
It feels wrong.. Something is missing...
Feels like once again, there's nothing to live for...

I dun wanna whine.. I dun wanna rant...
Cos it's pointless... I either give up, or I bite the bullet and move on...
There's no 3rd option...

I hate myself... Ever feel like the biggest enemy to yourself is yourself?
Im my baddest ass judge for myself..
Everything i do is wrong to myself..
And I cant help it... Neither can anyone else...

And recently, it feels like no one really cares enough to help me out of this dump im in.
Either I'm not shouting for help loud enough, or they just pretend not to hear me.
Cos im a mess... And why would anyone wanna be in this mess with me?

I need help... I need the kinda help that helps you out of dumps like this...
I have no hope, no faith and no nothing in anything...
If there's a god... You would do everyone a favour...
And just take me away from the surface of this earth...
Where ever else... Doesnt matter...
I wanna fall asleep tonight and never wake up...

Screwing every fucking little thing up...
Nothing i do is ever good enough for myself...
Fuck laa...