<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d6759253\x26blogName\x3dI+CAN+LOVE+YOU+MORE+...\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dTAN\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://mandy-low.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://mandy-low.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d7214510789852868454', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
mandy-low @blogspot.com ♥
Thursday, November 29, 2007

Wah kau! Today damn boring. Maths... =( And im using an old nokia phone that belongs to Clarissa. So you guys can start msging me and calling me again. Hopefully people start to contact me so i can get pieces of my heart back. Haha.I told Jayan that my contacts is like my heart. Very number is a piece of my heart. Then he said "Ok i can give you a piece of your heart back" and he gave me his number. Cock balls. Hahahah. that means he STOLE a piece of my heart!! NOT!!! Lol... Ima just kiddin... Cos like i said, im bored. He still havent called me. He was suppose to call on tuesday but i lost my phone and now he isnt calling at all. Did something happen to him?? Idiot, make me worried. Fuck.

So today's working day. Usually working days are on MONDAYS, THURSDAYS, SATURDAYS and sometimes SUNDAYS. Depending if i feel like working or sunday or stay home with the family. Sighs. I need money. Really bad. Im running off of money. I NEED MONEY!!! PUKIMAK. OH!! And i just realise if you take the "U" and the "I" in puki and swop their places it becomes, PIKU! Which means backside in chinese. I laughed to myself when i first found out. Ok. Lame lah. But this is what happens when boredomism gets to you. Awright awright. I have been pretty darn random these days. I think the alcohol screwed with my head. I cant even do things properly in school now. My thinking cells prolly hates me for killing them. Hahahah. Shits. I NEED MONEY!!!!

Haiyah. So many many things lah dey... I just want to have fun and not think about anything but TAK BOLEH LAH SEY!!!! Gua dah 17-year old. DAH ADE RESPONSIBILITIES(whats that?!?)..... KENE GROW UP!!! KENE THINK ABOUT THE FUTURE... Kene stress...... Macam mane blh minom2 ni sumer? Tak baik. TAPI!!!! TAPI!!!.... Gua suker..... I like to have fun. Is it wrong?!?!? ANS : IT'S WRONG WHEN YOU DUNNO YOUR LIMITS!!! Aku tau lah.... But... but..... So many temptations around.... Im so lazy to think anymore....

Plus.... I really really like him.... I really really do..... But it seems like there ain't gonna be anything happening.... And i wish there was but i know there cant be anyting happening in that area bcos we're both in very complicated situations. HOW DO I LIKE SOMEONE WHO I CANNOT LIKE? OK. chillax dulu... Haha... Doesn't help that he has a really cool & nice friend who ...... who..... who..... Haiyah..... Tak tau lah cb.... AND, also doesnt help that Bunga is STILL sort of in my life and he still kinda makes me worried when he does things like NOT CALLING ME FOR DAYS WHEN HE SHOULD HAVE!!! BELO..... Haiyah. GUA STRESS BEB!!!! OH YAH! Add on to that, i haven't been spending enough time with Bryan and/or my family. And when i AM spending time with Bryan, im mosto fthe time in a bad mood. Sigh.. And you know hwere that brings me. Sigh. Guilt, is hard to handle. Maybe SHE is right. I should control my DAMN life.. Hahaha.... Fuck...

They thinking of cabot-ing class again today. Should i? I have been getting bad grades for maths. Seriously, a conditional pass is NOT a pass!!! Cbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcb...... Im being vulgar again... Must be the stress. I think i need to chillax.. CHILLAX!! LACS UH.... lacs...... Lacsing.... =)

Ok.... I'll go for now. Thanks anonymous for you hope. Haha. NEw phone no, not so fast. Monetary issues ah. HAhaha. But yeah. Hope you're doing ok. Kinda miss your "have a nice day mandy!!" .... Lol.... And i miss a whole lot of other people too... =) HARRIS!! COME TOA PAYOH!!!! THOSE MATS LOOKING TO KILL YOU!!!! FASTER!!!! hahahaahahaha... I cant believe we just got "sounded" for sitting at TPC. Cockerdoos... Drug addicts.. DIE BITCH DIE!!! Haha. But it scared us though. Harris somemore!!! Lol.. So im a puss, Sadiq says.... =)
Tuesday, November 27, 2007

WHAT THE FUCK!! CCB!! KNN!!! PIKU!!! I LOST MY MOTHER FUCKING CB PHONE. KUK NARDEN ASSHOLE MUTTAL GENDENG PUKIMAK BETOL ah..... Siala. I left it at the toilet and forgot AGAIN!!! KNNBCCB.... Fuck sia. So people. If you cant get to me today and next days please don't get pissed off. I have no choice. I cried. I left work 10 mins early bcos my heart cannot take the pain anymore and i cry. And then i went off.

Faizal was suppose to pick me up. But then i couldnt contact him. SORRY TO LET YOU WAIT AGAIN!! And the heart pain thing is that. All my lovely contacts are gone. My friends. The only contact i have with people whom i cant see everyday. Sigh. I feel like shit. I took a bus home..... Bumped into the chef dude in the bus. Then, when i reached TPY, i bumped into Peter, Nesh, and IVAR!! I knew they were there because they told me they were there chicken and ricing when i was in school online. SO its late and where can 3 man possibly go to lepak. So i knew exactly where they would be. Feeling down and not caring or thinking about anything else, i sat down with them and apparently they just finished drinking, AND, they were about to go home. BUT since me, THE BOSS, came, they decided to stay awhile. Which found us lepaking and drinking til 5am in the morning. And then we walked home. Since all of us stay quite near each other.

I had the time of my life getting high with these "EEEE-Deee- YORTS!"... We sparred, played soccer, "rugby", and wrestling... And i got involved! It like, with these guys, they don't mind that im a girl and i play and fool around with them. Although at first they all forbade me to buy drinks and some politics involving me buying them drinks cos i want company to drink with me. I felt miserable and i wana forget i lost my phone. PLUS, they are the best company i can get for drinking partners. They made me laugh big time. Ivar tore his pants while doing his kung fu hustlings... Just damn cool. We had some racist matches. WHITES against the BLACKS. Cock lah. And i won a few games. But i lost to Ivar in wrestling and stuff. We all had injuries with us at the end of the night. I injured my elbow. And i have rashes all over my hands bcos i was dared to roll around in the grass. Stupid truth or dare game. Found me doing alot of stupid things. THEY MADE ME DO THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS things ever!! EVEN WHEN ITS NOT MY TURN!! I got a bit pissed that im always the victim, but after awhile, i realised we all having fun. So let's just all be a sport. HAhah...

Seeing those three dudes spar and sparring with them was fun to the giler BABS ah... I cant wait for our next meeting. YAY! Sigh. Now im starting to emo over my hp again. Haiyah. Damn hungry just now. Bought rice and eat. Early in the damn morning. Red bull woke me up a little. But yeah. Its a miracle i can wake up today and reach school EARLY. When i reach home, i wrote a note on the table asking my mum to wake me up. smart right? Drunk still can do so many reasonable things. Im such a responsible kid. I totally amaze myself sometimes. =)) No lah. Mostly is because i felt bad for lying to them that i have holiday today. And they obviously knew i was lying but since i insisted they let me drink. Then Peter didnt hesitate to make me feel very bad about lying to him. SWo i decided, maybe ill just go school and get over my hangover there. Since im slping most of the time in school and still can get C's. Maybe taking 1 hour to go to school isn't so bad. Plus i dun wanna disappoint my mum anymore then i know she already is. BLAH.

So work was alright yesterday. The new chinese guy, hubert is quite cute sia. Haha. HE's so much more better than sarah. SO MUCH MORE BETTER IN EVERY WAY!! HE HELPS OUT!!! ALOT!! Without him i would have died as head yesterday. But he was really helpful even though it was his first day. And he made cute funny silly mistakes that made me and MEI laugh. Hahahah. We met cute little japanese kids there though. I feel so comfortable in Brussels. I wish i didnt have to leave. But the pay is abit low lah. HOW AH? Stress ah. Gaving, Lynn and all treat me so well. I feel bad ah. Maybe i won't leave lah. YEah. Maybe i won't. But Mei is leaving soon. I cant wait for Fid to leave. But things are going to get so dull in brussels. It already quiet enough without Xcel, Sandy and so many more people, like Tess, Kenneth. Haiyah.... How lah dey HOW!??!?!

So many things ah so many things. How come everytime i go back t brussels i feel like i got so little time? How come everytime i work at brussels i feel like im rushing everywhere and everything? Why everytime i feel like im neglecting things since i started REALLY working? I think its a the brussels-flu. Hahahah.. Most of the brussel sprouties feel that way i think. =)

Hmm, this post damn random cos im battling with my hangover now. AND I LOST MY PHONE!!! AND I LOST MY PHONE!! AND NOBODAY CAME TO CLASS TODAY ONLY TWO OUT OF FIVE GROUPS!! ALL CABOT!!!!

I WANNA GO SENTOSA!! AND I LOST MY HP!!! AND I LOST MY HP!!!! AND I LOST MY HP!!! AND i wanna go sentosa.... AND I LOST MY HP.... AND IM BORED IN CLASS!!! SCIENCE!!! AND I LOST MY HP!!!!! Haiyoh lah..... Sian lah babe.....

Ok lah. Dah lah. SLeep ah. Bye babes. Blog another time. Now is the mood to enjoy back again. Now is the perios when i go drinking again. New found drinking buds. WHatta do? =)

Im so into my own stuffs now i don't even have time to think about bunga. I dun even want to. Its so boring. Its so.... Urgh... Like i dun want to have anything to do with it but i have no choice bcos i cant handle MORE problems now. How to get out of this shit?? I just want to do my own stuff without thinking that it'll prolly be "betraying" bunga. And im not! Im just enjoying my life, abit too much, but im 17. =) thats my excuse ALL the time. And Nesh told me to settle down in year one so that i wun get addicted to fun.Haha. HOW? ENJOY?? OR NOT?!?!?!

Thanks clar. Yeah. SOmetimes just dun wanna disturb you cos you busy with your school work. And with your leg and your hair and MY BROTHER. I think you got enough on your hands already. PLus you know me, its hard for me, at home, to open up. Just cant do it. Gotta TRY damn hard. SO, yeah. I think the only way to get thru me now, is drinks. I spill things out when i get high.. =) Spill things, just not, alcohol. HAhaha.... =)

Ok. Boring. Bye.
Friday, November 23, 2007

Im bored at home with nothing to do and i know its all my fault. Because in fact i have many things to do at home like pack my room, my cupboards like how my mom have been telling me to do so but i never took the time to do it. Because i was so god damn busy with so many things else.

maybe you're right. i dunno what prompted you to tell me to control my life. but yeah. sometimes, maybe, just maybe, i dunno how. im not like you. i can't live in fakeness all the time. i cant do so many things you can do. i cannot not think about guys like you. cannot put my mind into studying like you. maybe its not bcos i dun want to. but i cant. we lead so different lives now and that difference is starting to show its true colours. haha. we should have known. some things are better left untouched. i cherished our friendship so much. but maybe we should have left it as a secondary school memory. just as a memory. and not try so hard to make it the same. hahaha. nothing's the same. sometimes i try to hard at the wrong places. Stupid yah i know. Thats why im not like you. I don't need your sympathy. i dun need anybody's sympathy. i have enough on myself to live through my life. I just wanted you to know that sometimes, i still think of you. haha. maybe i was wrong. Take care then. seems like its better of just a memory. what clarissa said about friendship might have been the rightest thing i heard all week. goodbye.

I told myself today that i should go out for drinks. that i should get dead fucking drunk and die somewhere. HAha. but no shit happens. unexpectedly last night i did get drunk. And so many things happened to tell me, im still the same old piece of shit i was. I guess what sparked all this emotions were what happened last night. and what made me like this NOW, because she confirmed it. The one person i listen to most of my secondary school life, indirectly told me, im still that same ol' piece of shit i was. Hahaha. I get the hint man. Go live your life of fake friends and gossip. There seem to be no more truth between us nowadays anyways. Be it my fault, be it yours.... i'll just go "ok lor...."

Who do you call, when the only one person you wanted to call doesn't pick up? WOOTS!

I need a drinking partner so badly now. I feel like im back in secondary school. Like the same piece of crap she made me out to be. Do i look? Incompetent to you? Do i? Do i look, like a loser to you? Yeah sure, make it harder to impress you everytime. Make things harder. Control, you say. shit happens, you tell me. Fuck that was the only fucking phrase i tell everyone. Shit happens deal with it. and now you throw it back to me like you think i dunno what that means. Yah. ok. I admit, ill always be the same loser. But im nothing like you. Sigh. Im better off on my own... arghhh...

You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me
You'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
'Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Remember when
We were such fools
And so convinced
And just too cool
Oh no,No no.
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you a friend
I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
'fore they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew
Yeah yeah

I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keepYour memory
You visit me in my sleep

My darling
Who knew
My darling
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ By pink

never forgot the time
you made me feel alive
when death was on my mind
or when you held onto me
when the world let me fall behind
you were love to me
rather than just a word
a friend was all you were
and it changed my heart
stood next to me through the storm
felt the wounds and kept me warm
something i had never seen before
and i thank you

I stil remeber the time when i was under depression. So much shit in my life.and every single time i cry, i remember you ugging me, and saying"its okay. everything is alright"And even though i would say "no its not. you dun understand."Somehow deep inside i felt it was okay.You really did play a huge part in my life, and you changed me.Thanks. =) Love you so much.


I guess she didn't read that in our shared folder. Cos she didn't reply to that. I guess she was too busy. Haha. fuck sia. Sisters sia. Kimak.... Maybe the words she say, be it meaningful or meaningless, hurts ah. All i wanted was to let her know i was thinking about her but one thing ahppened after another and i didnt get the chance to say i missed her.

"kk..well honestly..things really can go to the shit in ur life...i know..coz i notice...n its nt ur fault really..we both know **** is the type of kakak2 who really takes u in her heart n care loads for u rite..that we both can agree.

well,from my point of view lah...wif all ur smoking n drinking again..well,ur constant problems..**** is really getting worried for u lah..

she might have her own problems n all..

bt the thing is...she really juz care bout u..

so yeah...it stings wen she said that..i can imagine that "

Thats what my friend told me. And i know all that. Haha... Shit why sia today. Yah. Still the same old piece of crap i was. Thanks beb. at least im the only one that didnt change my feelings towards this friendship. Bye. Im gonna go punch some walls and take in some alcohol. Haha. EMO SIA! FUCK YOUR SHIT LAH CB.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

So recently have been quite boring .. Nothing much.. just missing a hell lot of people and hpoing somethings aren't like they are now.. How come days become emo again you ask? Beats me... =
How did i past these couple of weeks? I HAVE NO BLARDY IDEA MAHN! I can't remeber what i did a week ago. I cant remember what i did TWO days ago. In fact i can't remember what i did yesterday. I have resorted to reading back my sms(s) to recall what i have been up to and reading back my prewious posts to see if i missed out anything. I think this is due to the excessive use of my bed recently. I've been sleeping every free time i have and watching tv as i sit on that comfy2 sofa. It seems highly possible that i may be going into "hibernation" mode soon. Or maybe im ALREADY hibernating. Help ??
"my life is doomed"
a friend once said
what possible response can one have?
One that would substitute his definitions
Everyday we try
everyday we struggle to fight
against the cold hostility we feel
Not everyone wants to
"everybody's different"
They tell us to believe
That each one of us is special
having something others yearn to have but cannot
Tell not how your life has been
But what monster you have become
A treacherous hypocrite
Awaiting for the right moment to strike
Witnesses to the atrocities we perpetrate
The ones we hold so dearly and love
Surely they will never testify against us
and so our heart grows bigger than ourselves
This is how my world revolves around me
This is what they taught me to believe
How cruel and painful life is on earth
How unworthy mankind is for my trust
Thus, MY monster grew
A little bit out of proportion
Alot more deceitful then I wished
And all i ask,
Is for each one of you
To understand when i say
I cannot comprehend anymore.....
-Mandy L.
So... I don't know why i came up with that poem but i just felt like doing it. I think each one of those 4 sentences speaks of how i think this world is and what it made me become. What MY world has driven me to become. Sometimes it gets so scary and dark. Sometimes its like you find a torch light and it works. But other times you find candles, but no matchstick/lighter. Likea wet cigarette, you cant light it. So you cant see/smoke. Life's complicated and so are the other thing involved in it. Family, friends, relationship, work, school. Nothing's ever as simple as it looks and when you try harder to look. Sometimes you get poke in the eyes. It's true when they say curiosity kills the cat. Ask yourself, how many times you do something, its because you want to see what happens next. and then when it happens not the way you thought it should, you go "OH SHIT" Thats when you wish you can turn back time.
At every wrong turn in life we get more choices to make. More and more roads open up with each single step we take. and then some tracks get covered up behind and some tracks forgotten. We try to remember each and every wrong choices we make so that it won't happen again but the more we dwell upon the past, the more it haunts us. AND.. NOBODY likes haunting memories. Not even those that reminds us of the good times because every good moment is closely followed by the next moment of grief. How then do we classify the good and the bad memories when everything.... everything that ever happens, and everything that doesn't, are all closely linked. HOW??
HOW SIA!?!?!?!?!? Cb.. I dunno why i talk so much cock and bull philosophy... BUT CB! Make sense arh? Every happy moments we have is accompanied by something sad or "angerism". So how do you "Put all the bad things in a box and throw them all away".... ?? How do you "don't think about the bad ones, just remember the good times"...? It doesn't make sense because everything is inter-linked? School always teach us how to link everything together. "link it back to the question statement" , "if you link them all together to get the answer" , "you must LINK!!! LINK LINK LINK!!!" Now i fully understand why. Those huge enormous brains teachers have probably knows!! They know that everything is linked. Not only those dumb problems but everything!!! In the world!!! Ok. I dun think im the first to discover this but EUREKA!!!! I have finally realised the true meaning of linkage!!!
HUH??? Siala. Aku pon tak paham sia..... I dunno wtf im talking about. I think staying all cooped up at home has altered my senses and my brain functions. Im not thinking properly. Maybe i need a holiday. Out of singapore. Where nobody knows me. Nearest place i can think of is malaysia. JB. Bunga says he can bring me around. And i feel tempted to persuade my parents to let me go on a one day trip to malaysia. first time, without them coming along. But, i know they will start lecturing my on the dangers of going out of the country unsupervised by adult. then they'll prolly forget im 17 and if i can take care of myself in singapore for 3 days unsupervised i probably can come back alive from malaysia within 24 hours. Unless of course there's riots and people rape me then send me to thailand for prostitution. So many possibilities... GOSH.. hope they happen...
Im going back brussels to work for prolly a month. TBone really sucks. They're opening UNO soon though. And its near brussels. So if Adraine(i still dunno how to spell his dumb name) sees me working there. He'll prolly think im a hypocrite. BUT OH FUCK WHO CARES? Im a part timer i get my benefits too! And that is i can job hop all i want because when i become a full timer at a job. Job hopping is a pparently bad... Haha. To a certain extent.... =) See what school taught me???
I need someone to talk to me about i-dunno-what. And i need someone to spend time with me doing i-also-dunno-what. I want somebody to just waste time with me. Nothing to think about. Nothing to worry about. Then when i need that person he/she appears. And when i don't it automatically disappears. Maybe i need a imaginary friend... YOU THINK?? Hahahahaha.... Might just work. Since i don't recall having any when i was young. Maybe NOW is MY time... Eh? Yeah. Maybe i will.... Woots!!!
Ok. Why the long post sia??
I think i too bored liaos. I dunno why i talk abit chimmly just now but then hor... Now i talk chinaly so my jie meis can understand lorss... Hahaha. Nowadays worxx, i have been veli veli interwested in talking like ah lians xia.. I think it is veli coolx when we types like that and if you say it loud loud it sounds veli funny de worss! Like super duper funny de lorxx! All my jiemeis(friends) thinks i xiao liao. But then i think it fun lehxx. dun you think so tooxx? LollxXxXXXXxxxx......
awright. thats about all the crap i have today. Kinda enjoyed doing this post. hope you guys enjoy reading it too. And harris the song is deep and meaningless by dishwella if im not wrong. FARAH!!! Aku nak calamari dgn tar tar sauce skrg!!! Dah lame tak makan calamari!! =)
Ciao cin cau! TOODLELUS! =)
Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Thanks Farah sabrina for the two lovely very sentimental poems. I LIKE~~~ so much better than mine. And i read your story. Sounds damn sad. And i feel like that story will be mine in a few years time. HOW to stop the story? You know? Haha.... You know what i mean man.... Farah things have gotten way more further than i expected sey.... =( TOLONG AKU!!

So yeah. These days have been spend most of the time sleeping, alone or with family. Holidays were a bore. Didn't get to work much because TBone sucks!!! The schedule is so freaking weird and not organised lah. Boring sia. Aku nak keje betol2 siak!! I have a few new jobs i can try to get but lehceh ah. Camne sey...

Im feeling very random today. So each paragraph has absolutely no link to one another. 2nd break is getting more and more boring. At least in the past i had Kenneth, Rizza and Ab to share it with. Now as 2nd semester goes on, ab dun seem to be in school often, Rizza has new classmates to go to. And i dunno about kenneth but i think he's just really stressed with alot of things going on in his life. I THINK lah. Haha... Siala..... Boring siak life now in school. don't even feel like coming school nowadays. But good to have nice friends in my class. Most of them are really nice and kecoh. Great.... =

I suddenly feel like drinking again. Oooooh, Wahidah has half a bottle of Absolute in her bag. Should we? Jom.... Hahaha.... No lah. She say i must pay!!! Takde duit luh~~ =( Haiyah. I feel like getting drunk. Without the hang over. I wana get drunk again. Just for... the sake of being drunk. At least it would be fun for that moment. When its sober everything looks so much faker than when im drunk. When im drunk everybody seem to be more real because they think i won't remeber nuts about what happen when im drunk. So real comes when you're drunk. Fake comes with sober. It's in the package. Lies, and tears, blood, and LIES!

Why so emo you ask?!?!?! FUCK YOU! No emo NO!!! Im not emo. Im just being random. Hahahahahahaah..... I miss alot of pple and alot of things. Alot of feelings i used to feel now gone far away til i cant really see it no more. Maybe getting drunk would help. Maybe getting what i want would help more. Maybe giving away the things i dun want would help me. I dunno what would help me. I've gone back to writing stupid little poems in my diary. HOW SIA??!?!!? HOW?!!??! Bored. Life is boring. And not getting money that i want and need is killing it. Not that im VERY materialistic. But tell me how do you feel when you're tight on cash?!!?!? GERUM AKU!!!!!!

I dun even feel like going out of class to food haven to do anything. Not hungry . Not even in the mood for red bull or tartar sauce now. =( EMO AH MANDY EMO AWAY! FUCK AWAY LAH CB! DIE!
Wednesday, November 07, 2007

I think about how i should have been
Spent these days trying to understand
It's not that i don't want to be with you
So many more things you try to see, but you can't.

These faces they tell you what to do
They tell you to give me things i never asked for
Say freedom will make me come back asking for more
Talk about a love that will never die

Sometimes these are just not enough
Im just looking for something that understands me
Because im gone
But you're still there

I might have changed my mind a couple of times
Made you think that things had a better turn
Hope for the best out of the shit we had
But either one of us were drunk or none of us were sober

So i wish you all the best
For everything you ever wanted
You try to pin it on me
But im just not the one you're looking for

I'm better off on my own ......

-Mandy L.

Work sucks. Not because i worked too much. BECAUSE THEY DON'T EVEN GIMME A CHANCE TO WORK!! Always over-staffing... CB. How the fuck im gonna earn money at this rate? Once a week?!?!!? Gosh. Somehow Brussels sounds so much more tempting now. i mean, i've always loved brussels. I guess the reason why i left was basically just these few :

1) Politics have been flying way too much
2) TBone offers higher pay
3) It was damn fucking tiring working at brussels
4) Kenneth and Nicole wanted to join TBone
5) Working with Fid around all the time gets weird sometimes

So there you go. Now im stuck with a weird fussy boss and a lousy management of my working time which disallows me to earn enough money!!! Fuck this is getting way outta hand. I'll prolly work at brussels again soon. Tell them i wanna go back there and work. Hope i can.. =) finally work is gonna get more fun. TBone sucks also because THERE IS NO CUTOMER there most of the time. And when there is? Adraine starts getting fussy and cranky. Weird.... makes things worse for everyone. I mean, yeah... He's the boss. He got the right to be fussy. But come on, his way of work just doesn't click well with the climate man!! IT'S SINGAPORE!! HELLO! Gosh... HEELS AT WORK as a waitress?!?! NO FLATS ALLOWED?!!? LONG SLEEVE COLLARED TEE?! IN THE MIDDLE OF HOT SUNNY TIONG BAHRU!?!? He must be nuts...

Again, recently i have been watching myself. Still thinking im too ugly to be wanted by anyone. Still thinking im not ...... erm... attractive in anyway.... Nobody understands that. All they tell me is how they feel the same sometimes and that im not as ugly as i think i am. It's not like i don't know. Gosh. nowadays, most of the time, words just don't work as well as they do anymore. JIWA AH MANDY JIWA !!! words cannot describe all the emotions i have sometimes so i prefer to keep quiet. I wonder if that's why adek keeps quiet most of the time. Hmmmm....?

Can i try doing another poem please?!?!? Hahah. YAY! Thats one thing about having your own blog. You can blog about anything and still pretend like people enjoy reading it.


Painted me a picture of sunsets and doves
Stories of undying love and spontaneity
How could i have resisted??
A woman's dream waiting to come true

Soft and cuddly like fluffy clouds
Breaking the silence in this solemnity
Giving me everything i could ask for
Might have been a lie, but who cares?

Having it the way i wanted
It slowly became a need for you
Something i cannot bear to lose
I would fight a thousand horses and dragons

When sex becomes making love
And when love becomes stale
You left ,
covering all the tracks we left behind

Suddenly it all disappeared
Had to head out all alone
With faces i hardly recognise
And words that don't comprehend

How could i trust the same man, the same species?
How could i forgive such a betrayal?
Of drawing me the perfect picture.
And then giving it to someone else....

I was not the love of your life
You were not the man of my dreams
We were just,
A love that never had its chance to bloom...

-Mandy L.


Hmmm, my brother just came back from driving lessons. Gosh. Time flies huh? How my family is all grown up now. Wilson, Clarissa, My parents, Bryan.. My grandparents are getting older... Weaker... And days pass by scarier as i try to make time to do things i should have done long time ago... It okays. Things will be fine.... I gotta go now. Bye....

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Sleep away, my dear love
Hide that deceitful eyes
Cover up that emptiness
You know it don't belong there

Keep on going, sweet subtle angel
Mix these happiness with a pinch of sadness
Arms that cross over your chest
Like they can protect your fragile heart

For not much longer,
You'll be okay
Turn your head towards me now
This is not what you wanna be

-mandy (random)

Seems a little bit more simple
Seems a bit more easy
when im with you
when you put your arms around me

Feels like i got a little piece of heaven
Like ice cream on a sunny day
when you kiss me
when you laugh at me

Sounds a lot like love
Very much like a dream come true
when i tell them about how you touch me
And when they see me smile thinking of you

A fragrant so strong it lingers
My pillows still smells of you
Your perfume tigles the weirdest places
STITCH me up and don't let me go

Tastes like melted white chocolate
Like my cheese croquetes
I can't get sick of you
Keep me asking for more

These are the ways you make my life worthwhile
How you make everyday worth waking up to
Worth smiling for
Worth every minute of everyday

-Mandy ( love you everyday)


Feeling a tad bit random. Tried out some poems. Listening to lotsa old songs that i used to love. Bringing back alot of memories with it. Mixed emotions. While im singing the lyrics of this songs aloud to myself, pretending im some big idol with nice calm voice, i feel like tears are welling in my eyes. Every been through this? I've been going through this everytime i listen to old songs. See how audio influences your mood? See what RP thought me? To analyse every single fucking thing. Fuck thinking and analysing. Sometimes i wish i can go back to memorising formulas. =(

Plus my laptop being a bitch to me doesn't help at all. I have resign to not even bringing my laptop to school. The IT helpdesk is useless. Takes 1 hour to fix the problem. And before that i have to wait 15mins just to get my dumb card scanned so they can help me. Losers. Go back to using paper and pen. Can't crash can they? ?UH?!!? dumb fucks try to be high tech. Then when computer crash everybody gets the heat. CB.

Today was pretty darn fun in class. Deon had the chace and PRIVILEGE of hitting me and punching me. I don't allow that very often. But she was FIERCE i tell you. Just because i kept disturbing her. Hahaha... Wahidah pinched me really hard. And Almi tied my hair. Somehow, being in this class seemed so much better today. We also watched porn together. No idea whose it belongs to but all of us had a wierd yet fun time watching big boobies fuck big boobies and dicks that last a lifetime. Hahahahaha.... Then we went to the toilet and kecoh-ed there as well. I broke Deon's watch by accident... SORRY! EH BUT FUCK! SHE knock my head sia that ah lian kia! Haha... I was pretending to be gangsta the whole way through. Poor James have to listen to me shout and scream over the phone. Lol... I think im gonna fail today's problem. I dun recall doing ANYTHING except play the whole day. FUN! And the girls had a whole full day of gossiping and telling stories about each and other. Finally i got involved in some girls stuff in class. I heard so much politics!! And i was so blind till today i tell you. Crying, angerism, arguments,.... im not surprise if one day i hear about bloodshed. Weirdness....

And TOMORROW! Is cognitive. but that's not the main point! POINT IS!! after school im going out with Farah Sabrina!! Yes that lovely piece of art work stylo milo girl who does the best PPTs in the whole of Year one i believe. We're going to spend a FRIDAY night like how it's supposed to be spent. We are going to "unsoberlised" oursleves at least thats my plan! Hahaha.. It's been awhile i had a wild night out. Just girls. Just drinks. Just talking about absolutely nothing at all. Checking out hott guys... But somhow i think ill be checking out hott girls more than hott hunks. I don't know why but recently i've taken an eccentric hobby of checking out girls. I think im become a pro at classifying the hott and the unhott. Not that im being very judgemental on them girls. Is just that its all i can get, the surface. HAHAHA!!! and no im not turning lesbian. At least i hope not. Since i've been called a bitch by someone i dun even know because a lesbian once liked me. Gosh get your facts straight butch.

Okay there was abit of ANGERISM there!! Haha. Nah~~ SIgh. I swear im so bored waiting for Bunga to call after work. Gosh can't wait for him to get that new job and stop being used by his current boss to do every dirty work he doesnt wanna do. at least a chef is good uh? Haha... Gosh is he going to "love" his new job OR WHAAAAT? Adrianne is quite a fussy and weird boss to work for. Plus im always seeing him scream and shout at the kitchen staff. One day bunga's gonna start a fight with Adrianne i dare bet on it. Him and his angerism and his "no body fucks with ME!" attitude is going to create havoc i swear. Somehow it doesn't supress this worry when he told me his other friends will be joining him in time to come. They sound like a nice fun type of friends to have. But at the same time they're the type that gets into trouble together. AND I MEAN TROUBLE!! BAD, SERIOUS trouble. Not the ammateur type y'know? Settling down will be three times harder now all three of them get together. Hahahaha.... No.. I don't mean ME settling down with him. I mean THEM setlling down HERE! haha.... Bunga's malaysian, btw. Getting his PR soon. Gosh. This iformation will already shock most of my friends. How do i tell them th rest? !?!? Jialat....

Okays. I gues sthat's enough of talk for today. I think i might wanna post some pictures next posts. Hopefully i take lotsa pictures tomorrow with farah. Oh wat am i fretting for? FARAH'S A GREAT PHOTOGRAPHER! She'll prolly FORCE me to take picture with her. Hahahahaha... I can't wait i swear. =) Im so glad i have nothing to think of when i go out and have fun like this. Even though i have Bunga now. He understands and im so glad its that way. fuck possesiveness. BUANG SUDAH! =) Goodnight all young and old. And comment aite?