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Thursday, May 28, 2009



Due to recent many the things happening. I've been pretty emo and sad lately. So, I've decided maybe putting up over dued pictures here will cheer me up. I hope you enjoy them as much as was while taking them. =)




The crazy bugger and I..


Recently Bryan has been the noisiest donkey ever.


Never fails to make my day and irritate the shit out of everyone

this was on his GRADUATION DAY
He was so funny. Lol.. the make up!!
Haha. He was chosen to do a speech for the opening ceremony thingy

AND HE WENT OUT WITH A BANG!!!
Hahaha... he's dancing macarena, anyways..
Put the fats dangling out thingy aside, he was good!!

See them play DOTA.
Bryan had another seat cos not enough space.
All went online gaming crazy.
While shopping we found this cute thing
Bryan looks awesome in it. Lol.. =)

The ladies of the house... =)
From left : My mum, me, my "gu-ma", my "yi-gu-ma"

My brother and I...
He's always been there for me... =)

A picture taken just before the reunion dinner.
Awesome food.

Another family picture taken at the arcade..
A family photo after the reunion dinner

Cheeky fella over there is my older cousin Chay Boon
On his left : His mum, my "gu-ma"
On his right : My father's younger brother, "Ah hoong"
On the right : Ah hoong's girlf



Ah chye, Bryan and I

Wilson, Chay Boon, Chay Chye
We ALL grew up together....



ADIOS SUCKERSSS~~~!!!!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I went online to search on lying. And i found out all this. Well, what to say, what to dooooo.... I don't know. I don't know how to curb lying. I just don't like it. If you love me, you shouldn't be lying to me. Cos i don't wanna love a lie. And i want to love you but i wish you wouldn't lie. You're not a child anymore. and I'm not an immature young fuck anymore. I want to be strong enough to work this out and try to be more accepting. To self improve and to improve together. But i need help. I can't work alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


WHAT IS A LIE?


THE VARIOUS KINDS OF LYING IN OUR SOCIETY:



HOW TO HANDLE YOURSELF, ONCE YOU KNOW ABOUT THE LIE:

WHY LIE?:

HOW TO HELP A LIAR STOP LYING?:

WHY LYING IS BAD?:

The person who is lied to suffers if they don't find out because:

The person who is lied to suffers if they do find out because:

Liar will be hurt because:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So here it is. If you're in a relationship that is filled with lies and you don't seem to care about it. Is that still love to you? Yah. You will say, in love you have to learn to close one eys. But there are times you need to close both eyes. If you close both eyes? How the hell would you know who you're loving? Love, to me, is never simple. I'm still trying to work it out. But god help me i don't know how to curb lies. Lies make or ruin a relationship.

A small lie can lead to a bigger lie and if lying becomes a habit you'll never know how to tell a lie from the truth. And if you live with your partner and your partner is a habitual liar. You're living a love life of lies. Is that what you see it as or am i the only one? I mean yes small lies you forgive. What if these small lies lead to bigger lies and he/she lies to you even when he/she knows you know it's a lie? Does that then, make your partner someone who is addictive to lying?

I want to know the truth, whether it hurts or not telling the truth is very important. Because the consequences of discovering a lie after a long time would be crazy! imagine you've been lied to for 5 years and on your wedding day you find out that your soon-to-be husband/wife used to have a boyfriend even when he/she was with you. Even though he/she has stop seeing the guy/girl, and the other party is married or dead, would you still feel hurt? Would you? Don't lie to yourself.

This is exactly why lying is a big problem to me whether or not it affects the present, the future or the past. Lying is lying and it's wrong. It might not affect me but if it does not, then why lie to me? Small lies should be worked on before they turn into bigger lies that's why i get angry over small lies. I'm trying.. i really am... I need to understand why and i need to accept it.

But my boyf isn't helping. And i hear myself giving up. sigh.. This week isn't so good for me... =( I wish i knew.....

Monday, May 25, 2009

Well, here's one song i've been addicted to. May be old but good lyrics.



Matchboook romance - Tiger Lily





We drive tonight,

and you are by my side.

We're talking about our lives,

like we've known each other forever.

The time flies by,

with the sound of your voice.

Its close to paradise,

with the end surely near.

And if i could only stop the car and hold onto you,

and never let go (and never let go)

i'll never let go (i'll never let go)

As we round the corner to your house

you turned to me and said,

"i'll be going through withdrawal of you for this one night we have spent."

And, i want to speak these words but i guess i'll just bite my tongue,

and accept "someday, somehow" as the words that we'll hang from.

And i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.

'Cause i ('cause i..), i don't want to make things any worse.

And i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.

'Cause i, i don't want to make things any worse.

Why does tonight, have to end?

Why don't we hit restart, and pause it at our favorite parts.

We'll skip the goodbyes.

If i had it my way, i'd turn the car around and runaway,

just you and i.

And i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.

'cause i ('cause i..),

i don't want to make things any worse. (any worse)

And i (i..), i don't want to speak these words

'cause i, i don't want to make things

and i,

i don't want to make things any worse

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So yah. here it is. There sooo many things... I wish i could delete those files that i don't want and keep the good times. But life just isn't like that. I don't know how to explain so he would understand. But if anybody hasn't noticed. Im really trying. I really am. As much as he thinks he's trying, im trying to. Im not sitting back and doing nothing while expecting him to do everything. Im trying to improve myself too so we can improve together.

Love isn't easy. It never is because it involves two people. And even one person has a complicated thinking and emotions. What more 2 people. Love isn't just you love me i love you let's get married. Life's isn't like a movie show all the time. Love needs so much more. And while im trying to achieve so much more i need help. But he doesn't seem to understand. What do i doooooooo.. Whaaaaaat doooo iiiiii doooooooo????

I need time. time to think and time to relax. I need so much time. But i cant give myself too much time. BALANCE! Balance is the fucking key to everything. So i need balance. I need to define my balance and enforce that balance in my life. Easy? I'd like to see you guys show me how easy balancing everything is.

Guys...? I'm sick.. And im tired of trying to fix things and solve issues. But, i guess, it's still worth it. To give it all that i have. Bruised and bleeding, ill still try. Cos he's worth it. And bcos school is what makes my family happy. It's like a small guarantee of my future. So it's worth it. But now, i need time. I wish i could run away. Just for awhile..

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Hello ... Everything's not doing very well... Im falling sick easily and i think maybe cos i dun sleep enough. Well thats gonna change cos i dun think ill be working alot next week. Can concentrate more on FYP and school.. After that it's school holidays for 2 weeks then maybe i can chiong work abit more. I dun like where i am in life right now.. =(

Here's some pictures of my FYP team mates .. and why it's great to be with them on this. Sorry Vignesh wasn't around so can't include her here.



This is Aiden. He's "anti-social"... Got no friends except us.

He likes taking cock pictures of people. He got cute laugh...



This is the FYP team leader. Very irresponsible. Also an outcast.
Tends to go crazy. Very unpredictable and scary.
Ugly.
This is Aiden. I wanted to put a picture of his mole instead.
But i guess that wouldn't be nice. Haha.
We both got moles on our neck aiden...
That on the right is Grayce. A.K.A TianTian.
She is good with drawings and photoshop.
She's the saviour for our FYP.
W/o her we wouldn't survive.
This is GayBoy Azim. He has boyfriends.
The type of "boys" he looks at, depends on his mood.
He likes all sorts. Does things for good cause. Very kind hearted gay.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So yeah thats about all i have for today. ENJOY... =) Hope to catch up with some of you soon. AND HAPPY "EARLY-ATED" BIRTHDAY TO LOGEN!!! It's been long since we did a real good hang out. But you're always on my mind. there will always be so much to say between us.. =) I wish you all the best in all you do and all that you WANNA do. You'll definitely be a successful man. Don't run away from anything k. Won't help. There are "problem mines" everywhere.
=) tata...
Friday, May 15, 2009

I swear this is killing me. I have no fucking space on my own. No fucking space at fucking all... I swear im am slowly withering and dying. My heart is in a wrenching mess and my brain is all fucked up in all sort of places. I feel lost. But then i cannot show that i feel lost. Im suppose to be on the ball this year but the ball seems to be far far far far away. The ball is round. No such fucking luck.

There's FYP. That alone is enough to stress you out of your mind. There's SCHOOL. That is a blood sucker i tell you. Every week day 10am to 4.15pm. Going to school alone is a drag by itself. Then there is WORK. I HAVE TO WORK! I just fucking have to. Im not like all of you that rely on the allowance. I just feel so fucked up when i rely fully on my allowance. I have to save. IF i don't have savings i feel like a loser. So i HAVE to work. Once you start working and earning your own money you will know how you NEED to work. So between juggling all of this. I have to put in some family time, some boyf time, some friends time and some ME time. ME time... MEeeeeeeeeee fucking time!!!! Don't have time at all...

Life is a piece of shit. It's full of lies. When you're in secondary school and your struggling so badly to stick to the curriculum. You complain, then people tell you just bite through this becauseonce you graduate from there things will get easier. Then they tell you poly life will be a piece of cake. You believe them so you hold on. When you go into poly you see that maybe it is like what they say. Quite relax. But you realise soon after they didnt tell you the ending part.

"If you relax in your first year, you will stress in your 2nd year, then in your 3rd year if you're still alive you get to run as fast as you can with all the strength you have left, and if you don't reach the finish line, its just too bad, THERE IS NOTHING ANYBODY CAN DO EXCEPT YOURSELF..."
Ni na bei ci bye. fuck you whores who tell me to grit through school. Tell me lies say poly is easy. Poly is not easy. And, everyone keeps asking you what you wanna be when you gradute, where you wanna go.
IN singapore? YOU DON'T HAVE THE LUXRY TO BE RELAX!
Being relax means you're useless. Fucking utterly useless. Means you're a couch poatto and people things you're good-for-nothing. So there's no such thing as relax. The older you get the more you stress. No such thing as it will get easier from here. It's all a lie. don't believe your teachers. Don't believe your mothers/fathers/brothers/friends. They lie because they want you to pull thrugh this phase of time. But imagine your distraught when you realise all you thought were true were LIES!!! LIES LIES LIESS!!!!
There is no sad-der emotion i can think of. I am on the brink of giving up, i want to jump, but there are so many strings pulling me back i cannot bear to cut. The emotions of the people i care about if i just cut those strings and jump, would probably be worse than biting thru the pain of going through school. I cannot give up. Even if they say " no matter what you decide i will support you".. It's bullshit when it comes to studying in Singapore. No compromise. You study or you die.... DIE! You study or you DIE!!! Do you know how serious that is? Do you know how much a threat that is to us students? Not everyone can deal with the kind of stress Singapore's education system gives. I think ill be the next frontline news about a stressed up student that committed suicide.
In conjunction with puberty and the growing up phase and finding the goal in life, you have to deal with all the learning phases that you cannot avoid. You say we grow as a nation? Smart people smart nation? Fuck you. God's playing with you. We're all gonna die anyway. Look at the world around you. All full of lies. Who ever said god wouldnt lie... Knn... God treats us like toys. Do wtv he wants with us. Then kill us all.. Then say you're going back home. HOME my big ass! you do shit to us for so long then let us go home. You call yourself the great one? if you're so great why don't you stop all the sufferings and make everybody happy by creating doomsday like.... NOW!!!! NOW!!! NOW!!!
Ahhhh. im soooo stress... Sorry really need to rant. Really need to kill someone or something. My life is falling apart. And this time it is not due to relationship problems. It is really falling apart!! I dunno where to go after i graduate. I dunno what i wanna do. I dun even know if i can hold on for the last year of my diploma. I dunno how to juggle with so many things. And i dunno why im doing what im doing.... My life is lost.. IM lost.... =( OMG.. I feel like im breaking down inside. I dunno where to go. Im like at a dead end. And everyone's asking me to bring the wall down but i can't. And i wanna turn back and run but i can't... then i just wanna stay where i am and enjoy the breeze but in this culture it is not allowed... I dunno where to go.. I wanna cry... I wanna scream.. And i wish i was dead... No more worries no more stress... Just like they say.. "Hell or heaven".. I dun care.... Just take me away from here.. Its neither heaven nor hell... =( My life sucks.... THAT bad..... =(
Im sorry...
Monday, May 11, 2009






Hello hello... Okok.. Today i will blogging like japanese ne... Cos i am very inspired by Grayce-chan. HAhahahaa.. Seriously i cant stop grinning.






Grayce, my new friend-cum-smoking khaki,



from my FYP team is awesomely hilarious. Heh heh.. So bao bei.. Bao bei means precious right? Lol... So bao bei.... I dun want to, really, i don't want to disturb her, but.... BUT.... BUT!!!! My heart cant stop my mind that cant stop me lah... Too awesome to miss... Lol.... Such entertainment on a boring school day is needed. Like having water when you're dying of thirst in the desert.






Lolol... HEY! Since Grayce bf is ikan imas, I should have some ikan too!! WHAHAHAHAHAHA.... *think nasi lemak ikan bilis* ... lololol.... My bf is awesomely nice to eat! Lololol... Wait... I have this!!!

Whahahahahahaha........




Anyway, i admire Grayce and her boyf. They're sweet. With the surprises and gifts and all.. It reminds me so much of me when i used to be spontaneous. I wonder what happened to me. Time hasn't been on my side recently. And due to the stress my emotions are going haywire. Thus resulting in stupid silly arguments and end up badly. What has become of me. Well, at least i USED TO think i was a good girlf. Until recently i felt undeserving. Like im asking too much when he's already trying so hard. Well, i can only get better can i? Sometimes giving up seems so easy. And im glad he's here to always remind me. I think i should do something soon. Something sweet.. But recently my mojo seems to be far away.






I used to be able to pull a good surprise like as if i do it for a living. But.... Nowsadays-ne, i like dunno what to do or how to do sia... Like my live is full of boring-ness ne..... lolol... Feel like i just cant do shit anymore. No confidence in myself. Sometimes i feel like i should just live life as it is. Stop trying so hard. But... That's just not who i am. I feel so locked up... No time, no space to do what i want. I want Allen to be happy. Feel like he's the happiest and luckiest boy alive to have me. Even though he says i am, i dun think i am. To be someone i have to believe i am someone. I don't believe im the best he can have... =( That's just me....






Ok. So school is totaly boring today. Faci's fucked up. And i got driving later. BOy'fs in reservice basically doing nth bcos he's excused. Enjoying life in the holiday inn called Jurong camp. And im here in prison.






Friday, May 08, 2009

Wah liew eh... This is stressful.. So many occasions coming up and im stresisng over what gifts to get.

1) mother's day (10th may)
2) My mum's bday (24th may)
3) Allen's bday (23rd june)
4) Bryan's bday (12th july)

I cant work much now due to school and FYP and driving lessons. How the HELL can i afford all these? I know, it doesnt matter what gift it is its the heart that counts. But i dunno i just feel like i wanna give my mum a good gift. You know? I tot of buying her a star but i dun have credit card to buy online. And im thinking of buying so many things and treating them to nice awesome food. My eyes is bigger than my wallet. sigh... sigh sigh sigh....

Money... is really.. such a big issue.....

Im so sick of school already and it's only week 3/4... FYP is stressing me out cos im the leader and i feel like there should be more that im doing. Making sure everyone has something to do and then i end up not knowing what exactly i must do. I'll just help then.. Feel so super useless...

My emotions hasnt been good lately. Been playing games with me. Out of nowhere ill get emop over stupid things and so many unecessary thoughts will run through my head affecting my mood. I dunno. Its so weird. I think im going nuts.

Kk. Wanna go slp now so i dun think of food and eating and hunger. Eat less? save more.. Save more? Spend more... Knn.. Life's vicious cycle.
Monday, May 04, 2009

Ok. Here's some random pictures of my trip to HK. My first trip overseas with the boyf alone and during my bday. So many pictures i dunno which to put up so i anyhow put ok? oh how good life is recently. So many many things to juggle in so little time. I think im gettng stress symptoms. Lol...


Feeling so random today. Starved myself cos i was lazy to go out of class to get food. Realise that the whole fyp plan to go out to do survey was cancelled and realise then today i got nth to do after sch. Hmmm.. life's irony.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Went to Ocean's Park and saw my favourite thing in the world dolphins.
Awesome show.
Wanted to ask the workers to help us do a good
awesome proposal for Edward but we went in too late and
they said they cant help us. =(



Also saw the humongous big buddha that apparently is very famous.
And to show your freakin sincerity you should walk up a long flight of stairs.
Seriously. I was so cold and tired i refused to walk up and got reprimanded.
=( Wasn't good for me this part.




This was hilarious.
We saw this stand and found it funny so we started taking pictures of ourselves in it.
They had many other stands with cute pictures.
I got addicted and ran everywhere to take pictures like this.
Haha. Funny.... I like this.





This was at macau some St Pat's ruins or something.
Wasn't interesting but it was a monument that they all wanted to see so i had to tag along.
Saw this damn old school toy shop selling old school toys.
Got damn excited but didnt bear to spend so much on toys. Lol..



Macua has awesome Portugese egg tarts.
BECAUSE THEY WERE ONCE RULED BY PORTUGESE!
I didn't know that sia til i went there..
And we bought lotsa tidbits from macau!










This is the flower Edward proposed with.
We(Allen&I), pretended it was ours and took pictures with it so that
Edward's gf wouldn't suspect


This is avenue of stars i think.
Where you see all the handprints of the stars on the floor.
And they had a colourful performance with the buildings across the big sea? lol.



We went to the peak where we visited the wax museum.
Took a train up there and the slope was so steep view was good.
Awesome ride up and it was freezing up there,
wind was so strong walking was a problem.


Took a funny picture here.
Have many many more with funny wax people.
I saw Elvis, my true love but he ignored me. =) Haha...

Then i saw Jackie Chan and we had coffee and french toast. Lol...




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


So that's about all i have for today. Blog again soon.