Haha... Im yet again having another great laugh at this super hilarious file i chanced upon on my bro's recieved files. Lol... Fucking funny lah!! It's like a funny version of the advertisement where the little cute indian girl wants five birds but in the end richard gere bought all the birds. Damn fucking hilarious!!! I cant get tired of listening to it.. Lol.. You guys HAVE to hear it. Lol...

Haha.. Im still laughing ah.. It's hilarious... Trust me.. Lol.. Anyways, i chanced upon this malay song by Sheila on 7 - Sephia.. I think someone have mentioned something about it to me before. But i wonder if it's the correct one. But the song's kinda nice. Wonder what's the meaning of it though. It sounds like a love song though. Some words i recognise as love lyrics. Lol.. =)

So the last two days of my holiday, i spent Saturday with my mother and Bryan shopping at Bugis. And we bought a hell load of clothes and lingeries.. Lol... But they were all kinda cheap cheap stuff. Lol.. I like them ALL!!! Yay!! And Sunday was spent with Syg and his family. It was Janet's bday. Went to Sembawang park to celebrate. Was only for a short while though but i learnt how to do the stone skipping on water thingy. My first few successful tries!! Lol... So we swam a little at the beach and cut cake and then off we went home. I was dead beat when i reached Syg's home so it took me only 5 minutes after i bathe to fall asleep. Plus he had to go meet up with his friend for awhile. So i was asleep the time he came home.

I can't believe time flies THIS fast!! It's coming JULY!! Fuck.. Like in a few more months my Prelims. And then O levels!!! Holay kermoly madar of the great cow!! And im still slacking like some fuckass... Lol... Damn.... I shall go now... Another time!!!

You know how 5 minutes can be so critical? Let's put away those cliche phrases abt how 5 minutes can count in a car crash or whatever. Let's talk about real life. LIFE, as youknow it is not always very nice to us. Sometimes it gives us candy, sometimes it throws us shit.

Maybe its just me. But have you guys ever realise how 5 minutes can be so critical to your emotions when you're in times of shit? An example, one very very bad day.. You feel totally crapped up. You log on to your Msn, you look for someone whom you can confide in. You say Hello. 5 mins past and no reply, you feel worse. It's ok, you say. There's more friends online. So you type to two other people, "Hello". And another 5 mins past, no response. So you turn off your com and feel fucked up. So you cry. Ever? I did....

I've wronged many of my loe ones. Not literally wronged them by doing something to back stab them. I've wronged them by not showing them wnough love. The love that they deserve for staying with me. The wrong that im trying so hard to correct but just cant seem to do it. I've have given love to people who are undeserving of it and thus, neglecting the people who work so hard for it. My love may not be very important to me. But maybe to someone it is. Yet i have manage to over look that. I always though that nobody would care if i love them or not. But it has dawned on me that if someone cares for me, it's just the same like they're asking me for my love back. And i neglected their concern.

I feel like sucha bad person. Am i? Im becoming some sort of a selfish person isn't it? All i care about is myself now. It's wrong. I hope i can turn back time and start anew. Sigh... Why do i feel this way out of no where? Well, like i said, guilt is a very strong emotion that can drive a person up the wall.

I'm having a splitting headache. I hope it gets worse. Til i faint. So i won't feel like this. I have gotten to a situation where i cannot turn back. It's alr too deep in. It's not as easy as it seems. Maybe im being manipulated. But it's not easy either way. I have to stop it but im not sure if i want to. Or perhaps im not sure how. Im not as smart as you people think i am. Ha....

That's enough... I dun think i should blog any further. Bye.

Here something that caught my attention in some bulletin in friendster. It's quite accurate actually. That's why i put it up for all of the gendengs out there that have no idea what the hell your girl wants when she's acting all crazy and doing weird things out of a sudden. Lol. I guess girls are all naturals at the whole attention seeking shit huh? even me, i admit.. =)

WHEN i RUN AWAY FROM YOU- FOLLOW ME
WHEN i POUT MY LiPS- KiSS ME
WHEN i KiCK- HUG ME TiGHT
WHEN i CALL YOU CRAZY- iM CRAZY ABOUT YOU
WHEN i AM SiLENT- iM THiNKiNG OF HOW TO SAY i LOVE YOU
WHEN i iGNORE YOU- i WANT ALL YOUR ATTENTiON
WHEN i PULL AWAY- GRAB ME BY THE WAiST & TELL ME YOU'LL NEVER LET ME GO
WHEN YOU SEE ME AT MY WORST- TELL ME iM BEAUTiFUL
WHEN i SCREAM AT YOU- TELL ME YOU LOVE ME
WHEN YOU SEE ME WALKiNG- SNEAK UP BEHiND ME, & HUG ME
IF I DONT CALL YOU- iM WAiTiNG BY THE PHONE FOR YOUR CALL
WHEN i SAY "i DONT CARE"-i DO CARE
WHEN iM SCARED- HOLD ME BY THE WAiST
WHEN i LOOK LiKE SOMETHiNGS THE MATTER- KiSS ME & TELL ME EVERYTHiNG WiLL BE ALRiGHT
WHiLE i HOLD YOUR HANDS- PLAY WiTH MY FiNGERS

Yeah~~ So now you guys are enlightened. Go kiss your girl. Tell her she's beautiful. Tell her she's your world and if her world is haywire so is yours bcos she's everything to you. C'mon!! Im sure there's some sweet talker inside each of you!! Just let it free and wooooots!! Love is in the air~~~

I need to say something. The very bad side of Mandy has come back. It's really not i what i wanted but situations i was forced to put in, really make the worse come out of me. It makes me wanna do the wrong things out of spite. To show them/him/her that i can do it without them. That whatever they can achieve i can do better. But this THINGS are all the bad things. Those things that im not suppose to be doing. I feel guily. And as you know, guilt is a very strong emotion. It can do things to people. It can be fatal... ;)

BUT!!! I think i can angkat. Bcos there's these sudden confidence boost in me these past few days. I mean i think im OVER-confident even. Like its way up too high. I try to hold back sometimes but i cannot help but do those things and say things that make people go, "Oh my gosh! This girl doesn't own a mirror at home!! BUY HER ONE!!"

So i have to apologise for that. Sorry. And im gonna be hurting some people. But most of them dun really mean shit to me. But still im doing something wrong. So im guilty. SUE ME!! Bleah~ Im sorry. Now's nota good time for me to blog. I'll be saying many things out of anger and some other unidentified emotion. So tatas!

Everyone seem to be studying. They seem to be having a head start at the quest for the o levels. EXCEPT ME!!! I'm not doing anything?!?!?! WHY oh~why??? I just cant get myself to do shit. I think the only person that can make me do homework is Adek. I dunno. When i see her study i also feel motivated to study. Then how?? Shites...

Okays, today's a Saturday and im freakin' bored at home. Oh wells, syg's at some NDP training thingy. And my parents are out of town with Bryan. Wilson's at training. clar's somewhere doing something. Adek too. Hmmmm, life's pretty boring today. Haha.

I've been wondering. How i did for my chinese O's. Woots! If i get anything near a B3 or B4. I'll be over the moon. Yeah. Totally. But i dunno. My previous exams and tests have proven to be quite the disappointment. How im going to get a 3 for my O's will entirely depend on luck now. Haha. I tried my best though. I really did.. It's the first god damn thing that has anything to do with chinese that i didn't FALL ASLEEP!! I was awake the WHOLE time. I even checked the paper, in DETAILS!! I have NEVER done that. Not even in PSLE. I guess that's something O levels do to people like me huh? Fear... Lol..

I was just afraid that if i fell asleep i would regret it. I mean, put aside the fact i dun listen in class at ALL! I dun do the revision papers. I dun even bother abt chinese. Im not gonna let 15 minutes of sleep add on to the regret ill be having when i get the results. No way in HELL!! Okay, the bottomline is, i hope i do good for my mother tongue. For the first time in years, i hope i do good in MT..! That's ONLY bcos i know im gonna suck at A maths. And i've dropped DNT. So i only have this shit to fall back on. Bleah...! totally sucky feeling. If only i was relatively okay at A maths. I wouldn't stress so much. Urgh... Fucking bugger...

So when will i actually get my lazy ass down to do some studying? I dunno. There's really no right answer to that. Im a great procrastinator. Im wonderful at that job. I even beat Spongebob to it. What can i say? Studying's just not my thing. The world is a playground. Haha. Okay, i just made an absolutely senseless statement. It made no sense whatsoever at ALL! Forgive me. Im extremely bored. I can't wait til someone shows me something amazing/interesting/totally AWESOME... I need something exciting. To boost my morale for the day. Yeah. Wadev..

I WANT A BIRKENSTOCKS!!! I STILL WANT A CRUMPLER BAG!!! I WANNA GO OUT WITH SOMEONE AND HAVE SO MUCH FUN I FORGET WHAT'S MY OWN NAME!!! I WANT A NEW NOKIA PHONE THAT RESEMBLES LIL' PHONEY!!! I WANNA LOSE 10KG IN 1 WEEK!! I WANNA GO TRY OUT CLUBBING & SEESHA!! I WANNA GET MY DAMN LISENSE NOW!!! I WANT EVERYTHING I WANT!!! I ALSO WANNA DRINK A MUG OF BEER WHILE WATCHING FOOTBALL WITH THE GUY I LOVE!

Ok. I dun really watch football. But i dunno why this season i just feel like i HAVE to catch at least ONE match live. And actually understand the whole on-going abt football. What?!?1 Im more knowledgeable on Rugby ok? Football hasn't been in my childhood. Rugby was.. Thanks to the guys in my family. =) But i really have the sudden urge this season to watch football and scream like how those uncles and aunties at the coffee shop screamed. They seem to enjoy so much. Sipping their beer from the Tiger/Carlsberg mug and watching as those hott hunky football players dribble the ball and SCORES!!! And then KABOOM!! The whole place explodes with a thundering roar of "NOOOOOO!!!!", "WHAT WAS THAT?!?!?" or "WOOOOO!!! GOAL....!!!!"

Haha.. It's so nice seeing all the neighbours ard coming together at this occasion to watch football and drink beer. It may sound very crude but in fact its actually a social event. Really!! It helps them bond closer. They bet, they chit-chat. Talk abt basically nothing at all. Haha. It's cute really. I wish i can observe them all night and entertain myself as i see them get tipsy. But somehow i feel thats not very nice bcos i think they're some very potential fight-starters there too. Lol.. Wadev...

Good bye all!! I wish your favourite country's team get into the finals to battle it out. Til then, TOODLES!!!

I really wonder sometimes, how hott girls feel when guys look at them. I mean, ALL kinda guys, even the totally hott hunks. You would think i would know bcos i have one at my house. Clarissa. But i haven't really gotten an answer bcos she's more of the modest and humble little angel. She refuses to believe she is hott even though almost the entire world thinks the same. But anyways, i've seen quite a few pretty hott girls lately and im beginning to feel a tad bit erm, self-conscious?? Ok. Jealous is the correct word. But who can i blame? Oh wells, im always eating. Sigh...

Back to point, i've always wondered how it feels to be admire by almost every guy and even girls. I look at clar in her bikini and i feel like i wanna hide at the other end of the world. It's just very self-depreciating for a person with my physique. Haha. I'm not afraid to say im fat. But i cant deny the pinch i feel when i see guys hawking at much hotter girls. Especially guys that i care for. They may say, "I admire them for their looks but ultimately you're the one with the most angelic heart." Oh c'mon, that's just a nicer way of saying "You're uglier than them so just STFU!!"

Let's be realistic here. Nobody can really go for ONLY the heart. Yes! It can be the main issue you're looking out for but it still does count when you're looking for a partner. I, myself always believed i didn't give a shit about whether my man has the looks anot. But some events that happened some time ago have proven me wrong. Sure, i dun look for guys that look like Brad Pitt bcos i know someone with my calibre is never going to be worth anything in a hott guy's eyes. I always thought if the guy treated me relatively well, and he made me feel good i would totally accept him. But then i was given the ultimatum when i met some guy sometime ago. I realise i couldn't really get myself into a proper relationship with him bcos i didn't feel physically attracted to him. My bad, i admit. Oh craps, i just realise how shallow i am for doing that. People makes mistakes. Im sorry.

Again, it feels good really. To have people constantly telling you you're top on the hott list. That's all i know. Maybe there's something beyond that. Hott girls are human too! They still share hurts and pain like the not-so-hott girls. But ever wondered how much better it would feel if you've just transformed from not-so-hott to vavavroom? I mean, i've seen some of my friends succeed in that transformation. And truthfully, i admire them and im just a tad bit jealous. They look goooood~ And im still the same.. How it can hurt at times..

Even myself, sometimes i watch those god dammn modelling shows where they show their stuffs on the runway and im like "God damn!! Are those angels??" Then i feel so stupid i try to change the channel. But 5 minutes later im still on the same channel bcos i just wanna see if these "angels" would prove me wrong bv trippin' or something. sigh. That's just spite. They look fine. Oh-so-fine~! And i just make people wish they're blind...!! Haha. Im rhyming again. That's when im hyper but yet things still bother me. Haha. I feel kuku for even sharing this on my blog. Sorry.

Mt grandfather's back home. I don't know why or how. I don't know the situation and it's the first time i'd rather not know. I don't wanna know. What ev.. It's not gonna matter anyways. Oh, my parents and Bryan are heading for Genting tmr. And im in charge of taking care of my grandfather. The other family members all have something important to do. Yah. See, again im the free one. Always with nothing to do. I think if you add up all the time i have slacked, you can built an entire empire with it. Im the ultimate. I mean, i don't even do intensive shopping like how some girls spend their leisure time. I just slack at home and eat or something. Gosh! That explains it...! Ha...

So Father's day ard the corner. I bought a card. I guess ill have to think up something more special. Bcos all this are the only days i have the courage to do something to show them my love. All the marked days. Mother's day, Father's day, birthdays, world love day. Or what ever. These are the only days i manage to pluck up the courage and tell them i really do appreciate them being in my life. The rest of the days i just act all bitchy and portray an image like i dun give a heck. It's wrong i know. But i just cant find myself hugging wilson or whoever telling him i love him out of the blue. Although i love them all every second of my being. But i cannot find the normality in showing affection to them. Somewhere along the line i lost the gguts to tell them i love them. Is it pride? We used to do so many things together. Oh wells... Im sorry.

Bleah! Lets leave the figuring out to myself. I dun wanna let you guys hear me babble abt my own shit. It's my OWN!! I should deal with it myself. Woots! =)

Wow! how did i end up talking abt family ties when i started of talking about hott girls and how their looks bring them places?!?!? Whoa... That's weird... =) There's probably a connection somewhere. Family genes?? Lol. No... My dad's quite the handsome guy. My mom's pretty pretty. What in the WORLD happened to me?!?!? Haha... That's one line my brother used to love to use on me. But i must say, i was quite the sexay lil' thing when i was a baby. I was wooooooo~!!! I was like a little baby angel. But then again, it doesn't really matter now don't it? Guys don't judge me by how i look when i was a little baby. They look at me now and go "Oh.. What the hell happened?" Haha... Like how me and Wilson like to tease each other. It's pretty cute really.

Aite. Enough of all this looks shit lah. I think its getting way out of line. I'll stop here then. Goodnight and take care sweethearts. BYE!

I would blog so much about depressing stuff now but i have a feeling nobody likes that kinda posts.. And i'd rather not blog abt bad stuffs too.. Haha.. =

ALWRIGHT!!! How was the redang trip? It was er... well, not as superbly wonderful as i imagined it would. But nonetheless i enjoyed myself quite abit.. I got myself a nice tan, and i got myself a disaster too!! I spoilt my lovely phone with my stupid forgetful-ness... URGH!! Im like super duper angry with myself... I mean, TWO times in my entire life i have spoilt a phone bcos i FRIGGIN' forgot to take it out of my pocket before i enter the darn beach. Fuggin bugger...

Im like "HOLY SHIT!! My PHONE!!!" and ran out of the water only to find an unconscious phone. I tried everything. From CPR to heart transplant to any other possibilities... But to no avail.. He was dead and i felt that heart aching pinch from deep within. I screamed "Nooooo!! PLS!!! Don't die!!!" But i was too late.. He has taken his last breath and i was left stranding alone at the lonely beach of Redang.. My mother tried to comfort me. My father reprimanded me. My brother mocked me. But all i had in my mind was "OUch... the love of my life, GONE! How am i to live? How do i carry on without him by my side??" And i felt a tear roll down my face. Or was it the salt water from the sea. But WHO CARES?!?!? My phone was dead!!! Damn you salt water!!!!

It spoilt my day. So i went back to the hotel and tried many attempts to revive my sweetheart. but he wouldn't breathe for me. Everyone told me to give it up. get over it and maybe if fate allows it he will dry up and come to life... But its not like this!! He was my life!! He woke me up at the mornings where i had my important dates. He kept all the memories that i cherished. He held all my dirty little secrets and he holds the power of MY LIFE!!! He was literally everything i ever wanted and we bonded ever-so-perfectly... We HAD a connection!! We shared the same interest.. Why did he have to go?!?! It wasn't his time yet!!! Noooooo...... Sigh... I still keep his body with me beside my bed. I pray everynight he would breathe again. I know how stupid that sounds but i really really grown to love that phone and i happen to be very very attached to it...!! SO LET ME MOURN OVER HIS DEATH FOR A COUPLE MORE DAYS PLEASE!??!!?!?

*Big sob* =( So you would think i would be jumping with glee since i know ill be having a god damn new phone soon. BUT NO! It's not about the new phone!! It's abt my lil' phoney!! He's gone and now i cannot find the courage to live on.. ~ How do i live without you....?? ~ Lol..

Ok. All that's really just an exaggeration. But i really do love the phone. Don't nobody go saying that im happy seeing his death bcos he was literally the love of my life that i can actually spend 24/7 with and nobody to judge me.. It gave me entertainment when i was bored like how porn do for some of you. It showered me with lovely msg(s) when i feel down. It portrayed images that was filled with wonderful memories. It reminds me of what i might forget. It kept my deepest darkest secret. Wow.. Come to think of it i feel better.. I'd rather it die than let anyone else lay their dirty fingers on it. Bcos then? They would find out what i have been doing. Muahahaha... Now i feel much better!!! But i would prefer if he was still alive and kicking lying next to me like a cute little angel pie.. Sigh... I miss him alr... Im planning to bury him if he really continue not show any signs of life.. Maybe under my blog. and ill have a proper burial.. Haha. That sounds real pyschotic. Im sorry. Haha..

Ok. Some of those were jokes lah. You go figure out which is the truth lah. Ok. Back to the Redang trip.. I tried my best to have peace and quiet but there was way too much going on ard there to feel ANYTHING. It's more like Sentosa with cleaner water and better pple.. There's alot of activities going on lah. And i was looking more towards the peace and quiet kind. But i was wrong... So i prefer Pulau Tioman. YEAH! Hands down man... Pulau Tioman beats Redang ANYTIME!!!

So the tip didn't turn out as i expected it would be. I achieved nothing except getting myself a better tan of skin.. I didn't solve that burden like i thought i would.In fact it kinda got me further than it already is.. So guess what?? I'm blaming nobody but myself. I had my chances to clear things up but i let my "phobia" get the better of me.. MANDY YOU FUGGIN' COW!! You let yourself fall deeper.. Ha! Stupid bitch...

Ok. Sorry. I promised no more of this kinda stuff right? Lol. Sry dudes... Okk. So im now currently using some Nokia phone courtesy of my Syg. although i share absolutely no bonding with this fella.. It can act as a substitute for lil' phoney for the time being. I CANNOT, i repeat, I CANNOT live without a phone. I would probably get lost in Singapore and die of dehydration or something. Cos it's the only thing i can do when there's a cute boy opposite staring at me and i feel like sucha dork doing nothing at all so VOILA~ I would whip out my phone and start playing with it like something very interesting is in it.When the truth is NOTHING is happening with the phone. I just need something to calm my nerves when ahott hunk looks at me from acroos the mrt or something. Haha.

Right. Like which dumbass mother ****** Would actually even lay their eyes on me. Ha! But the point is, when im in an awkward situation, it is the HP that saves me from doing a stupid thing like flipping my hair like some whore or scratching my fingers when they're not even itchy. Haha.. So back to the point, i dun feel any connection with Syg's extra phone. Oh craps! You guys won't understand. The bond i had with Phoney was SPECIAL!! Nobody could compare... But nevertheless, Phoney is a phone and i HAVE to give it up sometime. So maybe i really should let him go.. *HUGE sob*

Hmmm, i haven't really done much of my homework yet. I feel guilty. I AM guilty. Bcos i have been teeling myself to do it since Monday. "Mandy, later 12pm go do some maths." "Mandy, after this show go do some a maths..." "OI!! fuggin' just do SOME work lah!!" "Please??" "PWEEEETTY PWWWEEEEAAASE???" But guess what? All i did was ONE pathertic E maths paper. I swear i wanted to slit my throat and flick the blood all over those papers.. It's DISGUSTING how i have to battle myself just to complete ONE blardy pathetic paper. How am i going to pass my darn O levels like this? I should be ashamed!! Okay, i am... =(

Are you guys having a good time enjoying your holidays? I have a feeling half of you are just in the same state as me or worse! You guys probably haven't started on anything huh? Muahahahahah.. Ok.. That's just the spite talking. Excuse me... Lol.. I hope you guys have done your duty and fulfilled your responsibilities as faithful Beattyians and BE GOOD....!! And DO YOUR DARN HOMEWORK YOU LAZY BUM!! I hope i managed to push you to do one simple qns of maths... =) While i think of another excuse for my procrastination... =P OH Gimme a break!!! I just lost the love of my life to a simple case of forgetfull-ness!! I need time to mourn over his death and my stupidity!! Can't homework wait?!!??! *flicks eye in a way those god damn models do so well* Ok. Unsuccessful. I've just hated myself that much more.. Haha...

Alright alright.. Enough.. I hope i get my pay soon... I cant wait to see how little sales i have done since i took half day off for two days of the show.. Due to laziness and stress.. Haha.. I just hope it goes above 300 hundred bucks. I HOPE!! Beyond all hope!!! Bcos then i can afford a new hp myself and not depend on any other financial assistance. I would feel the pinch of course. But the sense of independence would come roaring ever so loudly and overcome the pinch i would get for spending my hard earn money on a god damn phone that i have to spend time bonding with ALL OVER AGAIN!!! AHhhhhhh! Im stressed over phones!! It's wrong.. It's just wrong!!! I need a doctor quick!!! Haha..

Fuggin' bugger!! My face itches like nobody's god damn business!! and i have successfully caused scars on them bcos i sub-consciously scratched them til they bled and now the side of my jaw is screaming "Scratch me again and you'll be darn if i don't scar you!!" and at the same time "FUG! scratch my you dumb boar!! Can't you see im itchin??" So what am i suppose to do?? It's killing me that damn contradiction.. Oh wells, i think im gonna scratch it if it continues another half an hour. Cos i alr have an ugly figure. Who gives a shit about my face god damn stupid toot... So i shall not give a damn if it leave scars or not. I shall save myself the torture and just scratch the damn face... I think ill even use a brush to scrub it.. Haha.. Skiddin'....

So FATHER'S DAY IS COMING!!! What have you little brats gotten your wonderful Daddy? Im planning on shopping tonight... What should i get? A belt? A car? A toy? A hair brush? A condom pack? Porn? I have no idea... But i think THE stroke of genius will strike me as i slowly take my time to go to Yishun... Haha.. Father's day... Oh what memories i share with that special man... Again nobody will understand.. Yes, no doubt you all have your daddies too.. But every daddy for every child is different... Every experience you shared with your Daddy will never be the same as anyone else's experience with their Daddies.. And my Daddy, well, we tried.... And i didn't grew up as what he expected me to be. I am dead sure of that.. Bcos i didn't turn out to be what I wanted..

But for those doodoos who dunno when's Father's Day.. It's this SUNDAY you friggin' PIGG!!! Go get your special man something. A card.. A pillow. Im sure he'll appreciate it.. Even if you guys haven't been talking for days or months. Send him an email. Do some good to your heart and make one of your family feel loved. He works for YOU! He works for the country. I know my dad has always been my hero. Have yours been that super hero? He tucked me in everynight when was little. Played Red Alert in my room when i said my head was spinning and i couldn't sleep. Poured me milk when i was suffering from an attack from Gastric. Took shower for me when i was so little i think my nipples were growing inwards. Changed my diapers for me even when my smelly poop was threatening to go all over his hands. Made me Milo everynight when im crying to be patted to sleep. Carried me just bcos im lazy even when his back is aching. even the memories of him disciplining me brings me to smiles. They're very emotional and close to my heart. Forgive me for this long post.

He would always explain what wrong we did and how wrong it was of us to do it. He would make us repeat what we understood and then he would make us suggest the best punishment. But with the cane swaying in his firm hands, we would just be quiet and say "dunno" and then he would repeat the question. And we would then suggest caning. And then Daddy would tell us how many strokes we will get. and when you think its all over. He would pull us back. and he would explain again how it pains him to see us do wrong things and it is his responsibility to discipline us and teach us how to tell from what is right and what is wrong. He would explain to us how he would hate to see us turn into those typical Ah Bengs/Lians and he would say he hated to be the bad guy in the house but he had no choice. We HAVE to be taught the right things and he was the only man to do it. Then we would nod our heads with every qns he asks as his tone gets softer and softer until sometimes i really wonder if he is crying deep within. But mixed with that warmth of his voice there would be a man with a statement to make. He makes it clear that he loves us and what he is doing is all for our own good.

Sometimes now i wished i was back to being 6. Where i would do stupid things like run away from mama house with my brother and then get caning for it. I still remember those moments vividly, like it was only yesterday. I rmb how me and Wilson always would be told to go into our room to study but we would actually be in the room checking out each other's bums and seeing who's got the worse stroke. And even then we would still be sobbing. Well, another time... I coloured the house phone and refused to admit to it. My brother and i got questioned and of course he said he didn't do it bcos I did it!! And i said i didn't either. And my Daddy had to lock us outside the house for quite awhile before i gave up and admitted. Then my Daddy explained how important it is to admit to my wrongs and not lie. I felt bad for pulling my brother down. And i think he was just relieve we didn't have to spend the night outside. Not that my Dad would ever do that. He was always hard on the outside and soft on the insdie with us. Like how both my parents is with me. Sigh.. I hate to admit. But i wish i was back in time. where i didn't have to worry so much about truths and opening up. Cos then? The truth didn't hurt as much.. It was all about how many chocolates i ate or how much i spent on sweets. Never over boys or telephone bills. Damn.. How time flies...

The fact that my dad himself changed. And i changed. and situations changed. It's just not doing very well for me. But i still love him. He's my dad!! How can i possibly not?? People keep saying, "He's the one!! I'm sure he is!! I love him! he buys me flowers!! ooooh~~~" But to me, there's only one man i can be sure of that's THE ONE.. My Daddy.. HE'S the ONE.. He is the ultimate ONE!! He is the ONLY ONE!! He is and will always be close to my heart. There's things about him only i will see. There's things about him only i will know. But i want all of you and especially him to know that i really really love him alot.. More than how Christians love their god. And how people worship their religion. More than how people idolise their idols. More than how fishes love the sea. I wouldn't be anywhere near wher ei am now without that special man.. So for pete's sake!! Get your Daddy a gift/card or send him a mail if you're broke.. Even a hug, just to tell him that he's been your hero ever since you remember... Bcos i know i would at least TRY to get over my "phobia".. Bcos i really love him like hell...

Okays!! i think i will blog another time bcos you would need years to finsh reading this post. Forgive me. Im sorry. Im filled with emotions. Haha.. aite. Ciao!

Okays. Here's a continuation for the dedications.. =) Sorry it took so long.. Lol..

To the Friends,
Well, to name a few, Cindy, Aisvarya, Logen, and some others.. I may have neglected you guys lately. Im really sorry. Especially Logen. I sincerely apologise and i beg for your forgiveness.. I know we haven't fulfilled our trip to the usual place. Im sorry. I'll try my very best to pick a date and we shall go invade that place ya? And im really sorry if i didn't pay enough attentions to some of your problems. Maybe i just couldn't understand how the whole innocent love life thing works anymore. Crushes and cute little puppy love is just so faded away from my memory now. So i apologise if you have been telling me about your cute love life and i couldn't understand how you feel. I hope you guys are leading a great life and staying really happy. =) And ill always be here for you guys even if i dun seem like i do ok? I promise..

Did i miss out any??? Wah seh!! Only one ah?? Haha.. Ok ah. Nvm ah. No mood to dedicate also.. Haha.. ALWRIGHT...!!! Work's done!! I hope i get at least 300 bucks!! Woohooo!! Im gonna give 100 to my parents. And 50 to my grandparents. Yeah. That's my plan for now. The rest is for me. My brother ain't gonna get his hands on anything!! Haha..

And im leaving for Redang on thursday. But its okay!! I get to see my lovely friends on wednesday.. We're going to EAST COAST!!! YEAH!!! I dunno why but im starting to love that place. IT's just freakin cool and relaxing and everything nice. But my sweetheart dosn't like me to go there. I wonder why. I guess he got his reasons but is too egoistic to tell me why. Haha. Oh wells, im still going anyways. Cos i would like to spend some time with them. And ridng bicycle is the closest i can get to riding a bike again. Lol.. Only adek knows how "perfect" my first bike ride happened. Haha. It's hilarious i tell you. And REALLY REALLY embarrassing... Muahahahahah...

I think im so outdated.. Really. I dunno abot the latest gossips around my class or cohort. It's like these couple of months i've been keeping to myself so badly until im missing out on all the good shows!!! DAMN!! Im really becoming a loner man. Like i only care for myself and all. WOW!! That's BAD!!!! I need to change back. Or do i?!?!? Haha... Dunno ah... Nowadays in class like no more mood to talk. Maybe things will get better. Maybe i will start talking again. We'll see!!!

Okays!! I dun really have anymore shit to post. So toodles!!

Aries Woman: Aries woman is very independent and doesn't rely on her man for support. She is very optimistic. She is very possessive of her man and at the same time very faithful and loyal to him. Her conversation is very intelligent.She is a woman who is honest, passionate and exciting. She is little bossy and impulsive too.

I think out of the whole god damn thing, the only one that suits me is the last part. It describes me a hundred percent. The rest are just piece of crap bull.. Haha.. But nvm. Here's something else i didn't really believe until i met this someone not too long ago. Trust me. IT really speaks the truth. At least for all the situations that i have been through, it has proven quite the theory. =)

-When a girl misses u, she's afraid tosee how your
new girl looks, she's dreading the fact that ur not hers any more
-When u break a girls heart, she still feels it when
bumping heads 3 years later
-When a girl just stares deep into your eyes, she's HOPING that your
hers and only hers ( it shows how much she cares: eyes never lie)
-When a girl is quiet,millions of things are running through her mind.
-When a girl is not arguing,she is thinking deeply.
-When a girl looks at you with eyes full of
questions,she is wondering how long you will be around.
-When a girl answers, "I'm fine, " after a few
seconds,she is not at all fine.
-When a girl stares at you,
she is wondering why you are so wonderful.
-When a girl lays her head on your chest,
she is wishing for you to be hers forever.
-When a girl calls you everyday,she is seeking for your attention.
-When a girl wants to see you everyday,she wants to be pampered.
-When a girl says, "I'll love you forever, "she means it.
-When a girl says that she can't live without you,
she has made up her mind that you are her future.
-When a girl says, "I miss you, "
no one in this world can miss you more than that

There's the guy version but im not gonna put that up bcos i cannot justofy that its true. I have NO idea what guys are thinking when they stare at you. I mean, guys say we GIRLS are tough nuts to crack. LOOK WHO'S TALKING DUDE!!! Guys themselves are a god damn stubborn ginko NUT!! Haha. And if you crack it open the wrong way it just get smashed rotten. So holay-ker-molay!! Guys are difficult codes to crack. That's what i think!! CHEERS TO THAT!!!

So if you guys think you guys are the "what you see is what you get" catch?!?! THINK AGAIN BROTHER!! If you can't figure your girl out. She probably can't figure you out too!! It's a weird but true fact. You can deny, saying "But i don't keep anything from her! It's her! She don't tell me anything she feels!!!" Trust me...!!! The ONE thing a girl that loves you would want is for you to understand her!!! So listen when she asks you to!! And when she's spoken her piece, SHOW SOME GOD DAMN REACTION!! Don't leave her to ponder if you think she's being stupid or something. If you think she is being silly just TELL HER!!! She will just cry and get over with it and if she finally figure out she IS being stupid. Good for you!!!

I mean the worse thing a person in a dillemma can get is NOTHING!!! Look, someone just totaly opened up to you telling you, and spilling the beans on the best/worse thinsg that ever happened to her recently. Are you seriously telling me all you can do is give a blank look and say "I have nth to say..." or just deny it when she ask if you're feeling anything. There is NO way a human being can feel NOTHING when someone he/she cares about just broke down in front of him/her!! So don't give me that crap saying there's nothing on your mind when there obviously is!!! UNDERSTAND!??!?!?!

Wah.. Why i so tension sia?!?? Lol.. Okok.. chill chill.. Im not pissd off lah. Just that some situations had brought up much thoughts onto my mind. And i really just wanna figure them out. But sometimes i get so tired of wanting to figure everything out. So now im learning to just lay back and don't go thinking about why the hell a particular issue arise. It's just to hard to handle. I can't.

I came across this phrase from a tamil movie i watched last night.

" Friendship is like a book. Everyone shares it.
But love is a diary. Only the one who writes it knows it and understands it.
And if you try to flaunt it, it'll probably get abused. "

How true... Plus im a great believer in diaries. So i guess that's why that "phrase" kinda brings out some emotions in me. Well, today Stacy told me that my blog's kinda a depressing blog. It has some posts that is rather depressing. I thought about it for five minutes and i don't disagree. Haha. WHHHHHAAAAT has become of Mandy mahn?!?!?!

Here's a clue.... "PUBERTY!!!" and the probably the never ending growing of bodily hair.. Haha. Nah~ Just kiddin'... I dunno. I let my emotions take over me sometimes. It's not like i WANT it. It just happens. ALWRIGHT!!! That's all for confession night. BYE!! I wanna go catch up on my sleep!! IM GOING AWAY TO PULAU REDANG ON THURSDAY!!! I'm so gonna miss some people here. although ill only be gone for the weekend and it'll prolly be good for me. HAha. I can do some soul searching there and figure some stuff out. Work things out between the bloodline too.. Haha. GOODNIGHT!!!

So here i am again.. Watsup with me?? Hmmm, today the first day of the exhibition and DAMN was it tiring!!! Everytime when i work i feel like just staying at home. But when i stay at home i feel like i would rather go to work.. Dammit. So contradicting... But nvm ah. Tahan for three more days i can slack. And i can be sure i get enough money in my bank. Lol.. So i won't feel broke. Muahahahhaa!!! Sry moufie, no treat this time... =) Im saving.. For what i also dunno. Just save lah!! No harm wat!!!

A million gazillion things happened to me lately.. Really!! I never over exaggerate.. You ask those people around me you would know.. How come things got so screwed up? Thank me.. Thank me.. I told ya, it's just typical me to do stupid stuff and screw things up. But its okay. I've gotten over the fact that im a self-destructive, moment destroyer... Im just me.. So what if i hate that huh? No use also wat right??

Alright.. I think it's time for a dedication post. It's been a long time.. Here goes ....

To THE BLOODLINES,
We're going through quite a rough patch. Im sure nobody want anybody to feel sad or bad all the time. I understand where your worries come from and i get where all the pain is coming from too. It's just i have my own shit to handle and if i cant fight the shit in my mind everything else i do will just end as a big screw up. And i hate to screw up when it comes to you guys. Esp the two older and younger. One i just dunno how to talk to anymore. The other i feel im just not good enough. To the man and the lady? Im sorry i cannot be as expected. Iknow i do alot of things to make you guys worried. I don't like making you worry too! Well, i just need you guys to know you guys are always placed number one in my heart. No matter what. Even if i keep all the shit to myself and dun let you in. Ya'all are still number one k.. Once again im sorry...

TO the Adek and The VGs,
Can't say much about this. I dunno. I dun like to advertise our friendship. Im bewildered why too. Things change, people change. Shit happens many times and somehow we still get thru it. What does it tell you? That no matter what i said, that i know hurt some of you, it's not gone. There's still the big C there. And there's still the big L too. I keep bringing you guys down bcos of my own shit that i feel really guilty at times. I just cannot take the heat sometimes so i hope you guys understand. You guys know my deepest secrets and you guys seen me donw down and dead like nobody's business before. My ugliest moments were spend with you guys. And happiest too.. Hope it goes on..

To the SWEETheart,
I miss you so much. I miss you like a hungry lion misses the taste of fresh blood. Hate it when that stupid thang has no reception and i cant get thru to you. Hate it when your damn prepaid gets low and we cant even sms. Hate it when your ber-la-dee phone got no battery so i have literally no way of contacting you. But nvm...!! I get to have you for the weekends. Provided you don't get yourself confined like you did this weekend. So im not complaining much. Whaaaat??? A girl gets to whine a little about her sweetheart once in while, No???? =) Ahhhhh... I sound like such a love-sick brat.. NO I'M NOT!!! Not that serious a case anymore, at least. lol..

I'll do the rest next time.. bye..