Then i met awesome friends in Poly.

W45D Sem 1 Year 2007.

I miss you guys.

Enterprise module. Dress to impress.

DO I IMPRESS YOU HUR?!?! HUR?!

The five of us.

Totally hidden extreme shit.

This was taken long time ago.

I just thought maybe you would like to see me. =)

There IS an emotion between,

Fierce & happy.

Which is shown in the picture above. =)

One fine day,

celebrating Riz's late bday,

RedHouse.

This is what we ordered.

Nice~

Kenneth, Tessa, Me.

It's just the beginning.

Then its starts.

The drinking.

Vodka & tequila if im not wrong.

I think i was pretty high by here.

Wasn't the only one. Riz and Jess and the rest were high too.

I think Tess was the only one sober.

I was almost gone by here.

And So you have it. Im lazy to upload more pictures.

Fuck off. FUCK AWAY FROM MY BLOG!

But remember, its polite to comment before you go. =)

Love you guys,

MANDY DANDY WANDY PANTIES.

Woots!

Haiyah. damn sian to blog nowadays. Dun think ill blog so much today. I think my second last post scared anonymous away. he/she didnt comment anymore. Haiyah. Sorry lah. I didnt mean to put it that way. Sometimes people get curious what. Im sorry if i offended you. Please comment. You are one of my motivation to blog. =(

Hah. Ok. Stop emo-ing. Anyways, had lotsa fun during the twins bday party that day. 16th october the twins(gk&gy) turned 17. One more year to be legal. and its 5 more months for ME!! FIVE!! F-I-V-E!! And im legal. Makes no difference to me since i dun think ill be taking any licenses or going clubbing soon. Ill be a low profile 18 year old then. Hahahahaha. =)

So there's so many thing shappening. Work's gonna start preety soon. Finally some cash flowing in. Im starting to think ill never rach that 1000bucks goal. If only those people who owe me money pay me back. Especially farhan. If he pay me back ill reach my goal with a snap of my fingers but that mother fucker will never allow things to go easy for me will he? He'll come out with fuck lame excuse and say his father died or something. Fuck his girl lah. Cb. 200bucks dok!! Can do lotsa shits sia. can get me dead drunk and get raped. BLEAH.

Ok. I feel very vulgar and i seem to be in a very bad mood today. Freakin' told shaik that i wanna go out with him soon because we have gotten so distance since some incident and it has just been all talk no action. Wanted to at least g out together one day and talk but he suddenly told me he was in a bad mood and he didn't want to talk. Like whoa.... dude..... You call this..... Haiyah. I dunno what to say. No comments or response from him after i told him that its time we get together and talk because our friendship worths more than just seeing each other during smoking breaks. But wells, he's a busy man now. With work and ciggies and all the new friends. Who am i huh? Haha. fucking emo kid. cb shuddup lah mandy.

The whole YOG thing is stressing too. Deadline coming up so soon and we havent get any good footages. I wish we could do it right lah. Haha. Fuck im in no mood now. Bye.

Oh my freaking gosh.... ! I can't believe it. Today is the first time in my entire teenage life that i cried in my sleep. I was dreaming. and by god do i rememeber that dream!!! It was, depressing. It was, i didn't expect it to be, it was..... about FARHAN! It sucks big time. I woke up feeling wet on my face and whining like a baby. And i continued crying for the next 5-10 mins befor ei fell back asleep. I WAS TAKING AN AFTERNOON NAP! Gosh. It really is damn scary.

The story is roughly about me bumping into him and his friends. And his friends were all looking at me like i was some kind of murderer. And then i plucked up my courage, went up to him and said "give me back my damn fucking money" .. and everyone looked at me. I was with Fateha. I dunno why Fateha but Yah, Fateha. She encouraged me to be strong. Then, he said "Im sick, i got no money." Weirdly i said "I don't belive you're sick, if you dare, follow me go clinic and check, if they prove it, i won't ask for my money." Then his face changed, but he followed. So we were walking to the clinis and everything was just silent. Nobody talked. Fateha hedl on to my hand. Which gave me the courage to put one foot after another. I felt sick in my stomach, standing right next to him again felt like you have a giant snake beside you who can gobble you down anytime. I was, yes, afraid. Then we reached the clinic but the lady said "you must go down to the basement one. this one is not for you." So we had to go down to the basement. Means squeezing into a tiny corridor that is very packed and dim. I did as instructed. So we walked through the corridor to get to the basement. That was when the scary moment started. farhan started to talk. He said "why are you so bent on making me suffer?" Then i said "Because you did the same to me when i was with you." Then he laughed. And then i said "Yes laugh it off jackass. But you know without me your like's a junk.Deny it but it is.You're NOTHING on your own." Then he said "Tell me what the best part of being with me is?" And then he gave a smirk.

And i was thinking of saying something nice. But then what came out, "Nothing, farhan, nothing was nice about being with you." And then his face changed immediately. He had tears in his eyes. Then he suddenly held my arm. He held it tight, like how he always did when he wanted to start manhandling me. I got scared. Then he said "YOU'RE LYING! Look at me and say you didn't feel the same love i felt!" And then i didn't dare to look back at him. My heart raced. I didn't dare to look back because i know i will fall. My weakness of wanting back that same kind of love would take control of me and i would crumble. Then he said "Look at me now and say you felt nothing, that you didn't love me and you don't love me now!" And i rememeber feeling like i want to so much turn back and just cry, weep, and whine. But then i saw fateha standing by my side, and i knew i couldn't disappoint her, and i knew i didn't wanna disappoint myself. Fateha just gave me the "you-know-what-decision-to-make" kinda look. And i didn't turn back. And i also remember thinking in my mind "why does he still asks me these questions? why does he make me feel like i can get it all back if i just say i want it back? Does he really still love me?" Then i remember it was his forte, to make things seem so perfect, to make ugly things look pretty, but in actual fact they're all fake, are lies, all deceitful sins in the making. And he didn't let go of my hand. I don't know why i didn't swing his arm away but i didn't. That moment just stood there forever, and tears rolled down his saddened face as he waited for an answer,seemigly hoping that i would say "yes i felt that way and i love you so much"

But then it never happened. I swung his arms away, gave him a smirk, and i said "In your dreams." Then i grabbed fateha and i ran. I forgot about the doctor i forgot about everything else i ran. And i ran to look for Adek. Apparently seh was looking at shoes in a shoe shop and i stopped when i saw her and she looked at me confused. I ran up to where she was standing, fateha followed closely behind. Then i broke down. I didn't know what else to do but i cried, like a whining baby, like a damsel in distress i hung my head down facing a shelf of shoes and i cried. The warm tears felt colder than ever and for the first time Fateha and Adek were wordless. They just looked. and they understood that it felt terrible. Words cannot discribe how it felt at that moment but i tell you. I woke up CRYING!!! For the first time! I have dreamt about many terrible things but this one!!! THIS ONE i cried. I felt my heart queching and i felt my stomach turn. But before i woke up feeling those tears on my face, i remember mumbling in my tears, "i wish i can have it back the way i want it. Why adek? why can't it just happen the way it was supposed to be?" And i woke up. And my eyes closed because the tears were so piercing. And i continued to cry for the next 5mins or so. until i can't remember how i fell back asleep.

It was SCARY I TELL YOU! SCARY! AND I DON'T EVER WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT DREAM AGAIN! I can't believe i cried!!! My pillow wet, my face dried with tears. My eyes dried with residue of overdued tears. I woke up the second time feeling that same depressed feeling i had when i just registered that nothing was so used to before belongs to me anymore. I feel so.... weird..... and i wish i dun have to go through that again.

sigh. Why does it still haunt me? Damn. Anyways, yeah. I feel like there's so manyy things happening in my life and im losing control. but maybe i just need more time to get over that scary dream. It lingers around for awhile, y'know. That feeling... =( Please, somebody get me thru this shit. He doesn't deserve my tears, even if it's in my dreams.

Ok. This is officially FREAKY! Why does anonymous know i own a long skirt or wore that long skirt recently? I swear, Adek and i were deducing that it is most probably my mum who is anonymous. But i SERIOUSLY do NOT think that my mum is anonymous. Why wuould my mum say that to me on my blog using anonymous as a tag to comment on my skirt? I mean, i think she has enough on her mind already than to think of how to compliment how good i look in my long skirt. Wah lau! How come anonymous know?? this is a new breakthrough i swear. Im getting CLOSER TO YOU ANONYMOUS!!!! I will find out who you are!! And i do not expect you to tell me!!! (unless you think you want to.. which will make things MUCH easier for me).. Okok... Seriously, why am i really freaked about this? BECAUSE!!! It makes me feel like someone close to me is reading my blog and not telling me about it! And it feels like im being judged by someone close to me yet i cant know who's judging me!! Aiyah. I really wanna know but i made a promise that i will not probe further on who is anonymous!!! =( But i mean so scary lah! imagine somebody tag on your board as anonymous one day saying "Hey you look nice today. hope you're doing good. How was lunch?" Lolol. I added the lunch part for fun but i mean i see tons of pple daily!! How do i know who's anonymous?? Aluh~~ I WANNA know.... =( Pwease tel me?? PWEASE!?!?! PWEETY PWEASE?? =(

Okays. so i wouldn't blog much will type details in later. Went to Geylang serai with Adek the other day to shop. bought a baju kebaya. Real nice. I think lah. Haha. Gonna wear that for raya! and i hope i get to be invited to your homes!!! BETTER INVITE HOR! I WANNA SHOW OF MY NEW BAJU HOR!! Hey... I get to be a girl once in a while right? Lololol. Kk. So yeah. That's basically the highlight of the week. children's day, bowling with my family. Bryan was really cute. More details on that when i feel like blogging. Kesh's bf party. First at Tantric bar and then next to Attica. Drinks. spend most of my money on cab. Weird ang moh dude at Attica, licked my neck and stuff, weird person, talked nonsense. Yeah. will elaborate more on that next post i think.

I think to sum up the past week have been good. without work and stuff. It's been all good. Heard about the new schedule in Brussel Sprout. Sounds quite alright to me. Sounds like the full timers there are finally having given a chance to HAVE A LIFE! SO yeah, congrats to them. Fid especially, more time for him to hook up with girls. Hahaha... Or party more and spend all his HARD EARNED money away. Yupps. VERY VERY mature.

Older people nowadays are really getting way out of hand. Just the other day i had a parent of a friend shout at me over the phone, over something that is ENTIRELY NOT MY FAULT! and the dude actually hung up on me!! I mean, seriously, everyone knows how i hate people hanging up on me. and JUST BECAUSE HE WAS A PARENT!! does NOT give him the stupid right to hang up on me and shout at me and THREATEN ME! I AM NOT A WUSS!! Asshole. I mean, put aside he is my friend's father. I would have SCREAMED AT HIS FUCKING FACE! And tell him to fuck away before I CALL the damn cops on him. Seriously, HE don't wanna be messing with ME because if he got the backup from his gang, i got MY backup from the world. So fuck off OLD people who wanna act big and scare us. LIVE A LIL'!! IT'S ALMOST 2008! Gosh.

Ok. I said i will type a lil. But considering im a lil high now from my home-made magarita and vodka-lemonade,vodka-redbull, and vodka-orange, I think you can excuse me from just not keeping to my word. =) Haha. So yeah. I really wanna know who anonymous is and why she/he wants to keep it that way. Because i mean, DO I HATE YOU OR SOMETHING? Why are you like, not wanting to let me know who you are. Will i snigger at you if i found out? Will you be embarrassed if i found out? Hmm, pwease? sometimes you scare me. But i REALLY do respect your wish to remain anonymous. BUT I JUST CANT HELP BUT WANNA KNOW!! =( PLEASEEEEEEEE?

So it's quite late(early if i count the usual time i sleep.) But yeah, im really really tired. I actually planned to come home to sleep straightaway but i didnt go with that plan because. Because i got too carried away shopping at NTUC and bought drinks back to accompany my Vodka?? Hahaha. I think i need to STICK with some of my plans. Im too spoilt by myself and THIS HAS TO STOP!

OH YAH! And i look UGLY! I had a very very bad colour combination crisis today because i couldnt find anything to match the blue top i wante dto wear. And the closest available bottom i could get was that red flower long skirt. I mean, i like the skirt. I like the top. But i dun think they look good together. But i had no choice. So i wore them. Gosh. but thanks though! THANKS anonymous for complimenting my skirt. I dunno if you were complimenting the SKIRT or me. But still, thanks. AND HARRIS AND LOGEN!!! FRIDAY NIGHT!!! IS OURS!!! =)

Godd day for tmr guys! and goodnight for now. =)