I hate it when that time of the month comes... Bcos one week before that i will have very heavy mood swings. And all these irritating emotions explode in me like they've been waiting for YEARS!!! And then it all comes out on my attitude and behaviour. And people tend to get hurt, irritated, pissed off and whatsoever with me. I get unreasonable. I become moody. I don't care about what i do or say, even if it hurts my love ones. At that moment i never thought it would affect anything bcos i really feel too many emotions at one given time. I get frustrated BCOS of that and make things worse.

When this happens, my close ones seems to be the first to get it. They will keep on asking why im like that. But what do i say? What CAN i say? I have no idea!!! It's like this emotions just comes. And then i become stuck in my own world. If i could, every week before my period comes, i would run into the forest and hide. So i don't hurt anyone or irritate anyone. One little thing can spark my anger. One little thing can make me wanna cry. It is the weirdest feeling ever. But the worse thing is i cannot control it. I never could. My emotions are the one thing i CANNOT control. They're an irritating bunch. Hate them, ALL!!!

Well, recently i've been having that. PMS ... And i guess many of my friends and family got the feel of it. It's wrong. I know. Sigh.. I shouldn't let my emotions control me. But how do i go about changing this situations?? It seems impossible. I try so hard to calm myself down all the time but i just get more emotional. It's a scary little thing, emotions. Girls have LOADS of 'em.. I think we should be given a privilege to throw some away... Emotions can be fatal sometimes y'know?? =)

But it's ok. I guess if i can deal with them for this long. Another few centuries won't really hurt. Anyways, something really unexpected happened recently. I got entangled into something i wish i didn't. It wasn't suppose to happen. I guess now i really know what they thought of me. It's a fact i cannot deny. Thinking back on how i lived my life i was that girl they depicted me to be. I was, yes, quite a bitch. But if you were to judge me on my past doings and not give me chance to show you i've change. I think you wouldn't really get the real picture. Im trying my best to change. For the better. And situations have really thought me lotsa stuff. Many many values. I never use to have them ,values. Now i have a couple. And hearing what you guys had to say, i felt hurt. =) But its from the heart. I know. So i don't blame you guys at all. If only you guys knew really how hard i try to be normal. Like do normal stuff and not be sucha irritating bitch. Sigh... I would be grateful, if we could switch places for a day.

Grateful. One person taught me that. Single-handedly she managed to make me understand how to be grateful. Even without really doing anything except be herself. She.... is my ADEK~! I dunno how she does it. But she the sweetest angel anyone can get. The closest to heaven next to babies. To me, nothing can compare to her. She's always my silver lining. Everytime shit happens, i know behind that shit, i can find her. She's just, always there... And i feel safe. When im with her. If you see us together, you would probably think that i would be the one to protect her and save her from all the trouble she'll have. But in real, she is my saviour. She's MY hero. She's the place next to home. She's the one i wanna share my last breath with, if a tsunami hits. And if anyone says that a few years from now she'll be outta my life. I'll learn it from Pink and PUNCH THEM OUT!! Cos we promised forever ... =) She's my Syg poo... If you guys knew her, you guys would be jealous. Bcos i have her, this close to my heart.... =) She's the bundle of joy...

Hmmm, i guess that's one emotional post huh? Hope its not depressing. Im feeling better now. Blogging really helps... =) Take care all!! Lubbs!

When there was me and you - High School musical

It's funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care

I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
Thats coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
Once upon a song

Now I know your not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Cause now even I can tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth

Cause I liked the view
When there was me and you
I can't believe that
I could be so blind
It's like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn't mind

Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is such a good song. I wanna dedicate this to shukur. Cos it's EXACTLY what happened... Everyone told me it was wrong yet i couldn't see... Gosh.. How self-denial can bring torture to people... =)

Well, sorry for the short post. And i havent been blogging lately.. Busy i guess... With unimportant stuff... I hate myself for slacking.. I wanna study.. But i keep trying. Without succeeding.. It's so fucked up... I suck at the whole thing. Blah!

Haiyah boh sua!!! I dunno what's wrong with me these days. It's getting quite out of hand. In one week i managed to piss off approximately 3 human beings. Fuck. How i achieve that im still not very sure. But i was just, trying to be happy but in the end i spoil someone else's mood. Is it just me or does my happiness seem to ALWAYS be at someone else's expense. I just can't act like normal. Define normal!!! Like when im hyper i just act all hyper, and when im moody im just plain quiet. Then either way people get offended or hurt. What am i to do!??!?! I think the only people i feel so comfortable with now is probably Adek, Moufie and er.... And nobody else...

Ok. So let's see.. Today after school i went straight home because i had an appointment with a fatty-bom-bom... I brought this fat ass to Plaza Singapura and i spent at least 30 bucks on this fatty because i bought him his birthday present. And he ate alot and the ARCADE!!! WTF!!! The arcade is fucking expensive!! One bloody game one dollar. And with Bryan playing the game it was over in less than 10 minutes. So much for a fun time playing games huh? I was broke. =(

But nevertheless i had fun having my day out with Bryan. Its actually my first time out alone with Bryan. I was surprised my Mum allowed me to take him so far. I guess she'd rather i bring him to PS than to Australia alone when i turn 21... HAha... Damn!!! I really hope i can fulfill my wish to Bryan about the Australia trip by 21... HOPE!!! =)

Let's have one tiny portion dedicated to Shukur ok? Just a little confession. I miss him. I really miss him alot out of a sudden. It's like it just hit me... Like the bombshell had a slow effect on my mind or something. Because it's starting to really hurt only now. But i guess what's done is done. There's really only a limited amount of giving a person can do. So i guess i gave all i could. If he couldn't appreciate it i guess it wasn't worth it after all... My only regret isn't about being with him. My regret is that by being with him, i neglected myself and my other loved ones. That hurts me the most. And THAT!!! In fact has proven to be the most painful after effect of the whole thing. Losing trust and faith from friends and family just like that isn't easy to deal with. But i guess ill handle it. I think i find it easier to smile at difficult situations now. And they become that much easier to deal with... =) Smile... Cos it's ALL gooooood~

Alwright~~!!! So what did i buy for Bryan's birthday present?? I bought him a vcd. SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!!! Bryan loves it too.. I mean only an ass of a human would hate Spongebob. He's the funniest cutest creature in the whole of bikini bottoms. I mean, he's even cute on land!!! Spongebob is my favourite cartoon of all times. I think i shall add another fantasy to my fantasy land.

About how in future my next boyfriend will ask me out. I hope he is a very spontaneous guy. And you know?? Do something really silly like buy me a bouquet of spongebob soft toys and then do many things that makes me laugh.. AND MUST INVOLVE SPONGEBOB!!! Yah.. Thats a pretty cool fantasy duncha think?? A spongebob fantasy. A spongebob proposal... Haha. I wouldn't mind it. I wouldn't mind it AT ALL!!! In fact i WANT it!!! Haha... Spongebob is my ultimate... He just makes my day. He's the only yellow thing i love. Haha. Ok. Why am i talking so much about spongebob??? OH SHITES!! I JUST REALISE!!! I dun have a spongebob tee shirt!! Fuck.. I shall get one.. SOON!!! I have to!!! I heard from Shukur a long time ago that he saw some nice ones but he didn't buy them because they were yellow... Haha... I think i shall buy some. They're really nice... =)

Okays, i guess that's about it. I don't even think more than 5 people reads my blog lah.. but i still find some joy in blogging.. WOnder why.... ??? Lol... Alrights then... Goodnights!! Buhbye!!

IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT ME ANYMORE!!!! YES!!! I am happy!!! It's been THREE bloody days i've been happy!!! Oh my gosh!! Im so delighted to be freed away from my problems.. Now its not about me me ME!!! Its about my friends and love ones!!! I can finally LISTEN and not be the one talking. I think i've been whining for way too long. It's time for a break....

Im so self centred sometimes. But now im okay.. Im quite happy now. I guess i can prioritise so much easier now without one huge HUGE person to think about. But i miss him sometimes. Oh wells...

I had so much fun today with ADEK!!! I love that miss pootsie wootsie cutesie mootsie toots!!! She's the bestest of the best!! I kinda had an open talk with her. It was so much fun. Really. Im so happy for her. For me. For us!!! Im glad i've finally done what i should have done long time ago. I guess sometimes love just ain't enough. And i guess it wasn't destined. But it was nevertheless a very good time. It was very very fun being with him and i learnt alot.. Trust me... =)

Ok. So im kinda doing the whole love doctor shit once again. I kinda retired when i was in my own love trouble. But now that im back to normal!! Im back to work!! Im helping the pple with their wonderful love lifes and i feel so glad i can be of help. I mean seeing them so loving after i gave them advice just really makes my day. Like at least i can be useful in someways... Im so proud of myself now. It may not last long, this feeling.. But im really treasuring it... Im happy again... Finally!!! And happy!! Right from the very bottom of my heart... I feel so light. Like the world has just been taken off of my back.. Like i've just won a race... Gosh!!! I feel like crying tears of joy!!! I dunno why... Today i really felt that Adek and me were back to like in the past. And that gave me so much hope that i still have her no matter what. Gosh!! You dunno how happy i am that i spent time with her today... It was, the day of the year!!! I love her.... I really do... I love her like i never love any other friend before. Wanna know why?? Cos she's not JST a friend.. She's MY ADEK!!! =)

Freak. My grades suck. Im so sure of it. I've been slacking none stop. The only shit i have confidence in now is my chinese and English. YES!! chinese!! You heard me right!! Haha.. Dunno lah... Hoep i get fucking good grades lah. Cos if i dun, i might as well eat rotten shoes!! Lol... =)

Alwright!!! BYE!!!

A tribute to Mr & Mrs Abs... HAVE ALL THE BLISS AND LOVE IN THE WORLD!! I GIVE YOU GUYS MY BLESSINGS!!! PLEASE!!! LOVE HER!! AND LOVE HIM!! LOVE EACH OTHER!!! LOVE!!!! IS!!!! ALWAYS!!! GOOD!!! =)

How come things can end so abruptly like none of it ever happened or none of it ever matters...?? I cannot imagine how your mind works... Just like that its over... Sad but true... Fuck.. I hope things go real well for you... It was an experience.. It taught me alot of fucked up shit... Now let's see how i get on with it yea? Haha...

Today's a very special person's bday.. ADEK!!! My favourite syg poo... HAPPY BDAY SYG POO!!! I love you alot.. Please have a happy happy birthday!! Sorry for the brief celebration just now. One reason why i was a bit moody was bcos i couldn't spend time with you ah.. I really wanted a very special bday for you. I guess i cant do it today i gues.. But everyday is a special day for us yea? With you i enjoy everyday... =) Please, enjoy your days too!! ;)

Alright.. So today i had my english oral with Miss Jamie. It went on pretty well. They said she was in a bitchy mode but i thought she was quite nice. She even joked with me and we laughe dtogether over the whole conversation crap. It was quite enjoyable really... Hmm, unexpected.. I really thought she would just show me attitude and all. She didn't even pick on my drooping fringe and unbuttoned collar button. Hmmm, to think she scolded the E1s for going to the wrong class. That's why they cautioned me that she's in a bad mood. I was being quite cautious until we started talking a little then it got really comfortable. It seemed nice talking to her.. Talked about my favourite route or wtv shit... She said i was Miss Eerie bcos i told her i like the eerie feeling when i walk home at night behind the alley...Haha.. I guess...

I suddenly have the urge for Toblerone now. I guess its really starting to damn on me now. It's over. 3months passed... I grew quite attached quite fast. It was alot of first times. The first my family met. The first who brought me back not as a friend but more. Gosh... I guess that three months really felt like three years huh... But i guess it could be a blessing in disguise. Or it could be a disaster. Either way i put it, it's over and there's really not much more i can do. I've done all i can. What more am i s'pose to do? I guess it's all up to fate and everything else now.. I'll just fucking lay back and take things easy huh? Lol.. Cool~

Had a really nice talk with a friend just now. Talked for about 2 hours plus after my oral. It was really nice talking to him. Haven't been talking to him for months. I guess we were just too busy with our own stuff.. But i just realise how nice it is to talk to him. And how fun it is to talk to someone you havent talked to for awhile and yet still have that connection. He;s a nice guy... I hope he gets his wishes and good grades. Hope he have more confidence in himself.. =) INDIA!!!! Heh heh....

So today was Adek's bday. I made her something from the heart. I really enojoyed making it. I hope she liked it. I dunno. Somehow i feel like we don't really bond as much these days. I guess i did some things that really blew it lah. Only talking to my friend just now made me realise how many stupid and regretful things i did. It's no wonder we aren't as close as before. Sigh... But i still love her alot ALOT!!!! ADEK if you read this... I LOVE YOU TAU!!!!

Ok ah... I guess thats it ah.. Another time babes!! Bye!! =)

Is it just so god damn easy to lie to me?? I cared, i loved... So why is it i still get lied to?? I mean if you just tell me the god damn truth i would accept it and i wouldn't force you to do things you dun wanna do right?? What is so difficult about telling me the truth? I mean ok.. If it's about emotions, i get it.. Cos its hard for me to open up sometimes too... But some stupid small things you have to lie to me? That's just down-low and totally unacceptable... what do i have to do to get you to understand??? If you just bloody hell tell me the truth it will save us alot of time and pain and effort!!! Gosh you can get so fucking dumb at times!!! It's really irritating the shit out of me!!! If you dun have the same feelings anymore. Why let it drag on? If you dun want me around, why even bother to let it continue??? It's really confusing and very very mind boggling... You keep EVERYTHING to urself. What am i suppose to do for fuck's sake?!?! Fuck... It's pissing me off.. Maybe i should be the one to end it all... Maybe i should just fucking let you go... Fuck.. This is some fucked up shit i tell you... I need to calm down... Urgh....

Aite aite... Lotsa stuff been happening.. Two very special pple in my life are going to celebrate their bday soon.. Adek and Bryan... WISH THEM A HAPPY HAPPY BDAY!! Love you guys like hell!!! Bye... =)

Seen Christina aguilera's new Mtv?? She's some fucking hott sexy mama kickass mahn!! Holy smokeyfolies!!! She is totally hott.... And she's married... Whoa.... She's a once in a lifetime talent man.. She has sucha powerful voice, nice songs, and totally awesomefide body.. Who wouldn't wanna be her?? Forget about Britney spears or Paris hilton!! CHRISTINA AGUILERA is the one you should idolise man!! Wooooo....

Aite...So i had my Tb jab today. Fucking painful.. I thought it wouldn't be painful cos the first jab wasn't even a tad bit painful. But this!! This second jab took the ful out of the pain!! It was abso-fucking-lutely PAIN!!! Gosh... Maybe its the nurse. But she's a very nice nurse. So friendly, unlike some fierce and totally cold nurses who seem to have hearts made of stone.Lol..

Im in quite a mood today. I dunno whether to describe it as good or bad. But it is definitely a mood. And its storming up. I wonder why... Monday's a school holiday by the way. Youth day.. Fucking awesome. One whole day to slack. I think i might be going out with the Vgs. I hope we go somewhere peaceful. Enough of all the shit. Nowadays i just want like beaches and sea stuff. Like peaceful stuff. Forget about clubbing. I'd rather stay home and sleep. I mean, not that i've ever went clubbing lah. But i wouldn't want to now either. It's kinda like a waste of money and time to me now. I dunno how to enjoy this kinda activities. Previuoskly when i wanted to try uit out it was plainly bcos of curiousity... Sigh....

So i think my mom's gonna watch Superman with Bryan later.She asked me along. Wonder if i should go. Not really in the mood for a movie though. It's been quite a while since my last movie. Feel weird going to watch one now. I'd rather stay home and watch dvd.. So much nicer.. I can laugh and crack fucked up jokes all i want and nobody would care. Wadev... Im just bored...

Ok. I really have nothing nice to blog about lah... shcool sucks. Everything kinda sucks now too.. WEEEE!!!! That's life bitch... Bleah~