Just thought that this way a freaking awesomely sweet msn conversation Bryan and my mum had. I swear Bryan is fucking smart. He can use the computer and chat with my mum!!! Gosh!!! He even knows how to msn!!!! I swear he's a genius baby. And he can spell and read and play SCRABBLE and make REALLY GOOD WORDS at the age of 6!!! Oh my gawd i have a genius for a brother. I think my parents don't have to worry about a Jc student in the family anymore... Bryan might even go to special school for gifted children. I swear he's awesomely smart. And he's also so bloody cute. He's seriously the angel of the family i swear. I guess without him i would be worse off... Plus his cheeks are really smooth to kiss... I love rubbing my dry lips against his smooth cheeks. It's really really SHIOK!!! Haha.... that bugger.... Bugs me and loves me. Dammit. I feel like waking him up from sleep and kissing him. Haha.... Sigh....

aites. Just wanted to post that. that's all. When i read that i alomst cried. cos i never had those kinda conversation with my mum before. since i can remember. I never had the courage to. Sigh... A 6 year old could do it. I feel lousy.... why do i have that phobia of mine? I wihs it was gone. Sigh.. goodbye.

Well everything's kinda better now.. Haha.. Do you realise everytime i say that the next post would be full of shit? Life's like that huh? One moment you're bloody okay the next you're not... I've gotten quite accustom to the changes that happens all the time around me and TO me... Whether i like them or not they still happen so there's really not much one can do about it.. Except maybe adapt to it...

These past few weeks have been filled with mistakes. Be it mine or others.... I see mistakes happening all around me.. I see some mistakes being magnified uneccessarily.... I see some mistakes hanging around because none of us knows how to handle the consequences of it.... Well, it all kinda crappy but i guess we all learnt a little something from it.... I dunno why im so philosophical now cos i still have alot of things unsettled and many things on my tiny mind.

One thinng i have always believed in is that everyone makes mistakes. Be it big ones or small. Everyone makes their own sets of mistakes in their own twisted way and they learn from it. You cant prevent anyone from making any mistakes in life. Then life wouldnt be life at all... Life is all about mistakes. It's about trial and error... If you don't err... How are you gonna learn and try again? So well, yeah. at the moment of the mistake and it's consequence... Not many can think that way. I admit. I personally cant.. I would wallow myself in all its misery and sometimes i would just cry my way out of it. Yes i admit. I cant handle ALL my mistakes. But who can?

I know adults who also cry about mistakes they make. I know adults who still don't really know how to handle some aspects of life. So if adults can make mistakes. We kids shouldnt blame ourselves too much for making mistakes... I mean small mistakes like breaking little promises. Forgetting your best friends birthday... Neglecting your friends.. Cos in every point of our teenage life there's surely a point of time where we neglect somebody. Yeah. But the point is, make small mistakes and learn from them .Don't knowingly heave yourself into a huge mistake and then you'll have a hard time getting out of it... Like me, i know i have made several big mistakes in my 17 years of life. It was hard for me at moments but somehow i got thru with help... And im thankful im still here typing dumb philosophical stuff today... Although i noe the next post i would whine and whine about something else... I know today im happy and grateful that i am.... So heck the next emotion i would feel. Im satisfied with now... =)

Okay. No more philosophical shit i promise. The last from this post would be "Just be stisfied with what you have. Its the little small things that counts....."

Aites. Recently i've been taking care of my younger brother. Fat piece of burger and bugs the hell outta me... But i love him like hell.... sometimes i might shout at that bugger for irritating the shit outta me... But i still love that fatburger alot. He's the one that can really make me go AWWWW~ and smile even when im damn frustrated... And he can make me laugh by making a total fool out of himself.... Well he's fat..... Im fat... Fat pple members all the way!! Lol.. Nah~ Skiddin... He's just very very cute.... Love that little doke..... Im being paid for it. I think its 100 bucks per month.... Its okay lah... But its kinda like i can kinda earn more money if i work outside but nvm lah.. Family.... Yeah... =)

Okies dokies.... I don't think there's really any thing more for me to blog now... OH YAH DID I MENTION I AM REALLY BORED!!!! Haha.... Aite aite... Buhbye then.... Will bog again soon i hope.... =))

Everything's a little better now. Slowly ill try to open up more.. Slowly ill tryu expressing my feelings.. Maybe somewhere along the way i stopped trying to express those feelings of mine guess ill have to try again... Hopefully this time it stays....

Maybe i havent really gotten over what i did but i know everyone makes mistakes. So i kinda forgive myself. Sorry i have to be selfish once in awhile right? I would love to love myself as much as i love some others at times. But when you're me its just really hard to learn to love yourself. Im not so sweet like some others. Not alot of things that i would love to have. But somethings i do have im grateful for it. =)

Being around the scene for awhile now. Made me realise being emo over nth at all really doesnt help. Makes me feel better cos i know in the past i used to be like that. Self pity made me grew MORE into depression. Im a lil proud of myself now that i've gotten rid of almost all the self pity... But there's still room for improvement for my attitude and my character. I guess ill try... Pls just dun pressure me... 17 years i've been trying dun say i havent....

Aites. Wun blog so much then.. BYE!

So how have i been? Wow... I shouldnt even answer that question... It's very very very complicated. Long story... Long long story. I'd rather keep it to myself... Haha...

Im actually not really in the mood for the computer... But well.... I have nth else to do. So ill blog. Recently suddenly all my ex classmates are saying they miss each other and it like.. I MISS YOU GUYS TOO!! Haha... Whatever. Im bored.

I wanna stay out all night again. At esp with someone. Only me and that someone. I dunno who. I dun have anyone in mind. Maybe Adek maybe Farhan. But i got myself in a piece of crap recently i dun think ill be able to stay out all night again. Haha. Fishcakes im so retarded....

Ok. I really ran out of words to say. All my words seem so depressing and i would rather save it for my personal diary.. Dun wanna weigh you guys down with my fucked up feelings.. Haha.. aites. toodles.. I guess ill be posting pictures up soon... I dunno.. .Im just bored....

Holy smokermolies baby!! I just viewed a super fucking hott girl on myspace! Okay. I know i sound fucking lesboism but WTF!!! She was fucking awesomely hottness of the total hottness!! No wonder my boyf has her on myspace. I mean which fucking guy wouldnt add a girl that looks so god damn fine?? Well i think her name is Emily. Or what ever the fuck it is, im so fucking envious of the way she looks! Wow. I think she's one of the most awesomely pretty person i've seen. Okay. Maybe she won't look so good in real life. BUT FUCK SHE LOOKS AWESOME IN PICTURES!! How bad can she be in real life right? Shit if only i looked like that. Haha... Nah~ But seriously. I would love to see her dammit... She's fucking hott k!! Whoa... ENVIOUSNESS of ENVIES and all... Gosh... I wanna look like her... Haha.. She's not even a celebrity... Wtf... I think im a little bit jealous. Why can't i look so awesomely reety fuckingly hott?? Haha... fuck i've gone crazy looking at her pictures. And its only a pathetic four pictures of her and i think she's bloody awesomely gorgeous. Ok... Maybe i should convince myself that its only in the pictures. Thats why there's only four. Haha. Ok.... This is so pathetic... I wanna look hott like that!! Knn....

Okay. Well on the lighter note i haven't been blogging for a long time right? Or so i feel... So ill just blog a little more today. Hmmm, i cant start work outside. I have work at home now. And it's baby sitting that fat burger at home. Im being paid for it. I cant believe it. Cos my Gramma's kinda weak due to unforseen circumstances. I have to look after Bryan for the time being. Unless we put him to childcare which everyone dun see eye to eye with that. We never trust other pple other than the bloodlines with the kids. That's wat i always believe in... Sigh... So now im like a stay home mom. Gosh i think Bryan's gonna drive me nuts. Dear god help me.... Yeah tat boy's cute and all. But he can get so naughty and irritating at times i think i might as well eat a bomb and die... But oh wells, i gotta do what a sister gotta do. BULLY HIM!!! Muahahahahah... Nah~ Im good... =)

Shit i still cant get over the fact that im so fugly and that girl is so pretty!! Shit.. I think i might just go into depression for that. Haha.. I shouldn't go visit her myspace anymore. The first and the last timie i did that would be TODAY!! No more!! Ok.. Maybe just one more look... Haha... She's just fuckingly awesomely hott. Maybe if i look at her pictures somemore ill look like her. Haha.. I sound dumbly pathetically loserfide. But i really think she's prettay hott.... =) Ok!! I SAID ENOUGH OF HER ALREADY MANDY!!

Aites aites... So Many things happened recently. Some i REALLY cant blog about if not ill get everyone in trouble. But well in all i guess i learn many new things. So many in fact i think what i learnt for o levels is nth compared to this... =) But well life's like that. What else can i do?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Part of the lyrics from Emery - The secret

Is it over?
I am fine.
Thank you dearly for your time.
I'll be leaving. Don't you cry.
I'll be back soon. At least ill try.
Can't you see?
There is no time to think selfishly.
Yesterday's gone.. Tomorrow's here.
Can't turn back now... I won't quit..
I still love you. I swear.
I always will.... I always will.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I guess this song will bring back alot of memories for me. AND ALOT of pain i guess... But it'll teach me something. To learn to forgive and forget. When Fateha said "I believe that when you love a person. No matter what wrongs the person commit, you will learn to forgive him/her" I never really believed what she said. Until now. That i have seen the worse from the one i love. And yet i still love him. Oh why? I s love suppose to be like this? Am i doing the right thing? But then why does it always feel so right being with him? Am i blinded again? Who's right who's wrong in this? I just know i wanna be with him. And from what i heard he does too. But is it right? Maybe there's more out there we need to explore? Gosh. Pandemonium brudder is a hard thing to overcome. Everyday i question myself. Everyday the more i dun wanna know.

Ok. How come im becoming so emofide? Fishcakes. OK.. No emo shits aites!? =) Well, i guess i never knew how love can realy affect and chg someone. Thanks to My sweetheart i've learn many things!! Throw shit at me now and gosh, i guess if you're nice enough ill throw you flowers. But if your sit really does stink. FUCK I'LL THROW YOU BACK DUNG!! =) Lol... think im going crazy on boredom. When will BRYAN BE BACK!! 12pm!!! I have to go now!! Pick that fatass from school!! The hott sexy mama kickass baby sitter shall go now!! Wahhaha...

p.s(That emily girl is fuckingly hott!! Cb... I wanna be like her!! I wanna look awesome. I look like shit fuck... )

WHAT DOES P.S MEANS?!?!?!? =) Im going nuts dok...