Wah kau! Today damn boring. Maths... =( And im using an old nokia phone that belongs to Clarissa. So you guys can start msging me and calling me again. Hopefully people start to contact me so i can get pieces of my heart back. Haha.I told Jayan that my contacts is like my heart. Very number is a piece of my heart. Then he said "Ok i can give you a piece of your heart back" and he gave me his number. Cock balls. Hahahah. that means he STOLE a piece of my heart!! NOT!!! Lol... Ima just kiddin... Cos like i said, im bored. He still havent called me. He was suppose to call on tuesday but i lost my phone and now he isnt calling at all. Did something happen to him?? Idiot, make me worried. Fuck.

So today's working day. Usually working days are on MONDAYS, THURSDAYS, SATURDAYS and sometimes SUNDAYS. Depending if i feel like working or sunday or stay home with the family. Sighs. I need money. Really bad. Im running off of money. I NEED MONEY!!! PUKIMAK. OH!! And i just realise if you take the "U" and the "I" in puki and swop their places it becomes, PIKU! Which means backside in chinese. I laughed to myself when i first found out. Ok. Lame lah. But this is what happens when boredomism gets to you. Awright awright. I have been pretty darn random these days. I think the alcohol screwed with my head. I cant even do things properly in school now. My thinking cells prolly hates me for killing them. Hahahah. Shits. I NEED MONEY!!!!

Haiyah. So many many things lah dey... I just want to have fun and not think about anything but TAK BOLEH LAH SEY!!!! Gua dah 17-year old. DAH ADE RESPONSIBILITIES(whats that?!?)..... KENE GROW UP!!! KENE THINK ABOUT THE FUTURE... Kene stress...... Macam mane blh minom2 ni sumer? Tak baik. TAPI!!!! TAPI!!!.... Gua suker..... I like to have fun. Is it wrong?!?!? ANS : IT'S WRONG WHEN YOU DUNNO YOUR LIMITS!!! Aku tau lah.... But... but..... So many temptations around.... Im so lazy to think anymore....

Plus.... I really really like him.... I really really do..... But it seems like there ain't gonna be anything happening.... And i wish there was but i know there cant be anyting happening in that area bcos we're both in very complicated situations. HOW DO I LIKE SOMEONE WHO I CANNOT LIKE? OK. chillax dulu... Haha... Doesn't help that he has a really cool & nice friend who ...... who..... who..... Haiyah..... Tak tau lah cb.... AND, also doesnt help that Bunga is STILL sort of in my life and he still kinda makes me worried when he does things like NOT CALLING ME FOR DAYS WHEN HE SHOULD HAVE!!! BELO..... Haiyah. GUA STRESS BEB!!!! OH YAH! Add on to that, i haven't been spending enough time with Bryan and/or my family. And when i AM spending time with Bryan, im mosto fthe time in a bad mood. Sigh.. And you know hwere that brings me. Sigh. Guilt, is hard to handle. Maybe SHE is right. I should control my DAMN life.. Hahaha.... Fuck...

They thinking of cabot-ing class again today. Should i? I have been getting bad grades for maths. Seriously, a conditional pass is NOT a pass!!! Cbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcb...... Im being vulgar again... Must be the stress. I think i need to chillax.. CHILLAX!! LACS UH.... lacs...... Lacsing.... =)

Ok.... I'll go for now. Thanks anonymous for you hope. Haha. NEw phone no, not so fast. Monetary issues ah. HAhaha. But yeah. Hope you're doing ok. Kinda miss your "have a nice day mandy!!" .... Lol.... And i miss a whole lot of other people too... =) HARRIS!! COME TOA PAYOH!!!! THOSE MATS LOOKING TO KILL YOU!!!! FASTER!!!! hahahaahahaha... I cant believe we just got "sounded" for sitting at TPC. Cockerdoos... Drug addicts.. DIE BITCH DIE!!! Haha. But it scared us though. Harris somemore!!! Lol.. So im a puss, Sadiq says.... =)

WHAT THE FUCK!! CCB!! KNN!!! PIKU!!! I LOST MY MOTHER FUCKING CB PHONE. KUK NARDEN ASSHOLE MUTTAL GENDENG PUKIMAK BETOL ah..... Siala. I left it at the toilet and forgot AGAIN!!! KNNBCCB.... Fuck sia. So people. If you cant get to me today and next days please don't get pissed off. I have no choice. I cried. I left work 10 mins early bcos my heart cannot take the pain anymore and i cry. And then i went off.

Faizal was suppose to pick me up. But then i couldnt contact him. SORRY TO LET YOU WAIT AGAIN!! And the heart pain thing is that. All my lovely contacts are gone. My friends. The only contact i have with people whom i cant see everyday. Sigh. I feel like shit. I took a bus home..... Bumped into the chef dude in the bus. Then, when i reached TPY, i bumped into Peter, Nesh, and IVAR!! I knew they were there because they told me they were there chicken and ricing when i was in school online. SO its late and where can 3 man possibly go to lepak. So i knew exactly where they would be. Feeling down and not caring or thinking about anything else, i sat down with them and apparently they just finished drinking, AND, they were about to go home. BUT since me, THE BOSS, came, they decided to stay awhile. Which found us lepaking and drinking til 5am in the morning. And then we walked home. Since all of us stay quite near each other.

I had the time of my life getting high with these "EEEE-Deee- YORTS!"... We sparred, played soccer, "rugby", and wrestling... And i got involved! It like, with these guys, they don't mind that im a girl and i play and fool around with them. Although at first they all forbade me to buy drinks and some politics involving me buying them drinks cos i want company to drink with me. I felt miserable and i wana forget i lost my phone. PLUS, they are the best company i can get for drinking partners. They made me laugh big time. Ivar tore his pants while doing his kung fu hustlings... Just damn cool. We had some racist matches. WHITES against the BLACKS. Cock lah. And i won a few games. But i lost to Ivar in wrestling and stuff. We all had injuries with us at the end of the night. I injured my elbow. And i have rashes all over my hands bcos i was dared to roll around in the grass. Stupid truth or dare game. Found me doing alot of stupid things. THEY MADE ME DO THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS things ever!! EVEN WHEN ITS NOT MY TURN!! I got a bit pissed that im always the victim, but after awhile, i realised we all having fun. So let's just all be a sport. HAhah...

Seeing those three dudes spar and sparring with them was fun to the giler BABS ah... I cant wait for our next meeting. YAY! Sigh. Now im starting to emo over my hp again. Haiyah. Damn hungry just now. Bought rice and eat. Early in the damn morning. Red bull woke me up a little. But yeah. Its a miracle i can wake up today and reach school EARLY. When i reach home, i wrote a note on the table asking my mum to wake me up. smart right? Drunk still can do so many reasonable things. Im such a responsible kid. I totally amaze myself sometimes. =)) No lah. Mostly is because i felt bad for lying to them that i have holiday today. And they obviously knew i was lying but since i insisted they let me drink. Then Peter didnt hesitate to make me feel very bad about lying to him. SWo i decided, maybe ill just go school and get over my hangover there. Since im slping most of the time in school and still can get C's. Maybe taking 1 hour to go to school isn't so bad. Plus i dun wanna disappoint my mum anymore then i know she already is. BLAH.

So work was alright yesterday. The new chinese guy, hubert is quite cute sia. Haha. HE's so much more better than sarah. SO MUCH MORE BETTER IN EVERY WAY!! HE HELPS OUT!!! ALOT!! Without him i would have died as head yesterday. But he was really helpful even though it was his first day. And he made cute funny silly mistakes that made me and MEI laugh. Hahahah. We met cute little japanese kids there though. I feel so comfortable in Brussels. I wish i didnt have to leave. But the pay is abit low lah. HOW AH? Stress ah. Gaving, Lynn and all treat me so well. I feel bad ah. Maybe i won't leave lah. YEah. Maybe i won't. But Mei is leaving soon. I cant wait for Fid to leave. But things are going to get so dull in brussels. It already quiet enough without Xcel, Sandy and so many more people, like Tess, Kenneth. Haiyah.... How lah dey HOW!??!?!

So many things ah so many things. How come everytime i go back t brussels i feel like i got so little time? How come everytime i work at brussels i feel like im rushing everywhere and everything? Why everytime i feel like im neglecting things since i started REALLY working? I think its a the brussels-flu. Hahahah.. Most of the brussel sprouties feel that way i think. =)

Hmm, this post damn random cos im battling with my hangover now. AND I LOST MY PHONE!!! AND I LOST MY PHONE!! AND NOBODAY CAME TO CLASS TODAY ONLY TWO OUT OF FIVE GROUPS!! ALL CABOT!!!!

I WANNA GO SENTOSA!! AND I LOST MY HP!!! AND I LOST MY HP!!!! AND I LOST MY HP!!! AND i wanna go sentosa.... AND I LOST MY HP.... AND IM BORED IN CLASS!!! SCIENCE!!! AND I LOST MY HP!!!!! Haiyoh lah..... Sian lah babe.....

Ok lah. Dah lah. SLeep ah. Bye babes. Blog another time. Now is the mood to enjoy back again. Now is the perios when i go drinking again. New found drinking buds. WHatta do? =)

Im so into my own stuffs now i don't even have time to think about bunga. I dun even want to. Its so boring. Its so.... Urgh... Like i dun want to have anything to do with it but i have no choice bcos i cant handle MORE problems now. How to get out of this shit?? I just want to do my own stuff without thinking that it'll prolly be "betraying" bunga. And im not! Im just enjoying my life, abit too much, but im 17. =) thats my excuse ALL the time. And Nesh told me to settle down in year one so that i wun get addicted to fun.Haha. HOW? ENJOY?? OR NOT?!?!?!

Thanks clar. Yeah. SOmetimes just dun wanna disturb you cos you busy with your school work. And with your leg and your hair and MY BROTHER. I think you got enough on your hands already. PLus you know me, its hard for me, at home, to open up. Just cant do it. Gotta TRY damn hard. SO, yeah. I think the only way to get thru me now, is drinks. I spill things out when i get high.. =) Spill things, just not, alcohol. HAhaha.... =)

Ok. Boring. Bye.

Im bored at home with nothing to do and i know its all my fault. Because in fact i have many things to do at home like pack my room, my cupboards like how my mom have been telling me to do so but i never took the time to do it. Because i was so god damn busy with so many things else.

maybe you're right. i dunno what prompted you to tell me to control my life. but yeah. sometimes, maybe, just maybe, i dunno how. im not like you. i can't live in fakeness all the time. i cant do so many things you can do. i cannot not think about guys like you. cannot put my mind into studying like you. maybe its not bcos i dun want to. but i cant. we lead so different lives now and that difference is starting to show its true colours. haha. we should have known. some things are better left untouched. i cherished our friendship so much. but maybe we should have left it as a secondary school memory. just as a memory. and not try so hard to make it the same. hahaha. nothing's the same. sometimes i try to hard at the wrong places. Stupid yah i know. Thats why im not like you. I don't need your sympathy. i dun need anybody's sympathy. i have enough on myself to live through my life. I just wanted you to know that sometimes, i still think of you. haha. maybe i was wrong. Take care then. seems like its better of just a memory. what clarissa said about friendship might have been the rightest thing i heard all week. goodbye.

I told myself today that i should go out for drinks. that i should get dead fucking drunk and die somewhere. HAha. but no shit happens. unexpectedly last night i did get drunk. And so many things happened to tell me, im still the same old piece of shit i was. I guess what sparked all this emotions were what happened last night. and what made me like this NOW, because she confirmed it. The one person i listen to most of my secondary school life, indirectly told me, im still that same ol' piece of shit i was. Hahaha. I get the hint man. Go live your life of fake friends and gossip. There seem to be no more truth between us nowadays anyways. Be it my fault, be it yours.... i'll just go "ok lor...."

Who do you call, when the only one person you wanted to call doesn't pick up? WOOTS!

I need a drinking partner so badly now. I feel like im back in secondary school. Like the same piece of crap she made me out to be. Do i look? Incompetent to you? Do i? Do i look, like a loser to you? Yeah sure, make it harder to impress you everytime. Make things harder. Control, you say. shit happens, you tell me. Fuck that was the only fucking phrase i tell everyone. Shit happens deal with it. and now you throw it back to me like you think i dunno what that means. Yah. ok. I admit, ill always be the same loser. But im nothing like you. Sigh. Im better off on my own... arghhh...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me
You'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
'Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Remember when
We were such fools
And so convinced
And just too cool
Oh no,No no.
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you a friend
I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
'fore they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew
Yeah yeah

I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keepYour memory
You visit me in my sleep

My darling
Who knew
My darling
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ By pink



never forgot the time
you made me feel alive
when death was on my mind
or when you held onto me
when the world let me fall behind
you were love to me
rather than just a word
a friend was all you were
and it changed my heart
stood next to me through the storm
felt the wounds and kept me warm
something i had never seen before
and i thank you

I stil remeber the time when i was under depression. So much shit in my life.and every single time i cry, i remember you ugging me, and saying"its okay. everything is alright"And even though i would say "no its not. you dun understand."Somehow deep inside i felt it was okay.You really did play a huge part in my life, and you changed me.Thanks. =) Love you so much.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I guess she didn't read that in our shared folder. Cos she didn't reply to that. I guess she was too busy. Haha. fuck sia. Sisters sia. Kimak.... Maybe the words she say, be it meaningful or meaningless, hurts ah. All i wanted was to let her know i was thinking about her but one thing ahppened after another and i didnt get the chance to say i missed her.

"kk..well honestly..things really can go to the shit in ur life...i know..coz i notice...n its nt ur fault really..we both know **** is the type of kakak2 who really takes u in her heart n care loads for u rite..that we both can agree.

well,from my point of view lah...wif all ur smoking n drinking again..well,ur constant problems..**** is really getting worried for u lah..

she might have her own problems n all..

bt the thing is...she really juz care bout u..

so yeah...it stings wen she said that..i can imagine that "

Thats what my friend told me. And i know all that. Haha... Shit why sia today. Yah. Still the same old piece of crap i was. Thanks beb. at least im the only one that didnt change my feelings towards this friendship. Bye. Im gonna go punch some walls and take in some alcohol. Haha. EMO SIA! FUCK YOUR SHIT LAH CB.

Thanks Farah sabrina for the two lovely very sentimental poems. I LIKE~~~ so much better than mine. And i read your story. Sounds damn sad. And i feel like that story will be mine in a few years time. HOW to stop the story? You know? Haha.... You know what i mean man.... Farah things have gotten way more further than i expected sey.... =( TOLONG AKU!!

So yeah. These days have been spend most of the time sleeping, alone or with family. Holidays were a bore. Didn't get to work much because TBone sucks!!! The schedule is so freaking weird and not organised lah. Boring sia. Aku nak keje betol2 siak!! I have a few new jobs i can try to get but lehceh ah. Camne sey...

Im feeling very random today. So each paragraph has absolutely no link to one another. 2nd break is getting more and more boring. At least in the past i had Kenneth, Rizza and Ab to share it with. Now as 2nd semester goes on, ab dun seem to be in school often, Rizza has new classmates to go to. And i dunno about kenneth but i think he's just really stressed with alot of things going on in his life. I THINK lah. Haha... Siala..... Boring siak life now in school. don't even feel like coming school nowadays. But good to have nice friends in my class. Most of them are really nice and kecoh. Great.... =

I suddenly feel like drinking again. Oooooh, Wahidah has half a bottle of Absolute in her bag. Should we? Jom.... Hahaha.... No lah. She say i must pay!!! Takde duit luh~~ =( Haiyah. I feel like getting drunk. Without the hang over. I wana get drunk again. Just for... the sake of being drunk. At least it would be fun for that moment. When its sober everything looks so much faker than when im drunk. When im drunk everybody seem to be more real because they think i won't remeber nuts about what happen when im drunk. So real comes when you're drunk. Fake comes with sober. It's in the package. Lies, and tears, blood, and LIES!

Why so emo you ask?!?!?! FUCK YOU! No emo NO!!! Im not emo. Im just being random. Hahahahahahaah..... I miss alot of pple and alot of things. Alot of feelings i used to feel now gone far away til i cant really see it no more. Maybe getting drunk would help. Maybe getting what i want would help more. Maybe giving away the things i dun want would help me. I dunno what would help me. I've gone back to writing stupid little poems in my diary. HOW SIA??!?!!? HOW?!!??! Bored. Life is boring. And not getting money that i want and need is killing it. Not that im VERY materialistic. But tell me how do you feel when you're tight on cash?!!?!? GERUM AKU!!!!!!

I dun even feel like going out of class to food haven to do anything. Not hungry . Not even in the mood for red bull or tartar sauce now. =( EMO AH MANDY EMO AWAY! FUCK AWAY LAH CB! DIE!