HI. I know my mum reads this. Or at least some of my family do. Because yesterday while helping bryan out with his school art work i was using my brother's laptop and i typed "M" from the search bar and the history of a search of "mandy.low.blogspot.com" came out.. HAHA... Oh well... Since now im pretty much convinced that my mum reads this.. I got something to say.. =)
I read through lots of my old post and realise some of them were filled with dedications to people i love. And many times, when im just about to dedicate to my mum, i get caught up and forgot... So here's to my mum. This post just for you.. =)
I love you mi... The song i sang to you on mother's day speaks of everything i want to say to you since i can remember listening to the song. You make me who i am today. You went through all my rebellion with papa and you kept your cool(most of the time). And you bit through all the nasty things i said about you loving korkor more than me. And you make me feel grounded just by loving you and believing that you'll love me no matter what i do or say. If i didnt have your love, i probably would be much worse than where ever i am today. You make me want to stay alive and do better even when i believe that there's nothing to live for. I dont know if that make sense to you but, you're the one that kept this family together.
The love i have for you is carefully and beautifully nurtured by you and the TLC you showered upon me since young. Even when i started to earn my own money, you never fail to make me feel princessy with those shopping trips and helping me pack my room and stuff ... The moment you know that i dont have money to enjoy my teenage years, i wake up in the morning finding money placed on my table. Words cannot describe the feeling i have for you whenever you do these awesome acts of love and kindness to me. You make me feel like growing up doesnt matter cos with you, im always that sweet little angel that you hug and kiss goodnight. I never realise your love until i grew older and went through much more and found out how shitty being a mother can be sometimes. Those tears you cry for me, and those heartache you felt for me as i grow up...
I love you. I love you deeper than anybody and i NEED you to know this because, i may do alot of stupid and sily things as i grow up. But nothing stands in the way of my love for you. Except maybe for a certain aount of ego at times and some shy-ness of expressing it. But yeah. I couldnt ask for a better mum. And the memories i share with you, bitter sweet at times, but worth dying for. Without you i wouldnt be where i am. I know you've been thru alot too. And i know that who you are now bears the scars and the left-overs of those crap you went through when you were young and naive like me too. But i want you to know, no matter how old you are, how sick you are, ill always be here for you. Whenever you need me. And i know you'll never wanna admit you need me because mothers dont do that. Bcos good mothers always look to protect their child even if they sacrifice themselves. I love you mi... And i wanna look after you and papa when you guys grow old. I want you guys to look after my kids and i want you guys to be happy for yourselves and for me, even though you say you have enough of looking after kids. I know you dun mean it cos my kids will be your precious babies. Trust me, my kids will be so awesome you might even love them more than you love me... =)
You're the reason why i wanna live better and do better. Cos after all the disappointments i put you through. Maybe its time for me to SUCK IT UP. And be better, for you, for papa, for korkor and bryan.. And maybe for myself. But whenever i lose myself. At least i know, you guys are there for me. Because you are so great. Now that ive grown up and seen that not many of my friends can say out loud proudly that they are truly happy and grateful for the way that they are brought up. Im fucking proud to say that i am. I thankful, and i am immensely appreciative of how i was brought up. And i believe i will bring my kids the same way you and papa have brought me up.
Cos i may not be perfect. But you and papa are the main reason why i feel that being imperfect is okay.. So i love you. And no matter how much you feel that you may have done wrong somewhere. Or that you probably didnt bring me up right. You're wrong. Cos whatever mistakes i do, that's on ME. You did awesome. And im your daughter thru and thru. I dunno if you go thru this when your young. But sometimes young people rate who's the most impt pple in their life... And mi, you, along with papa, korkor, and bryan... you guys rank number 1. And thats not gonna change... For the rest of my life...
I LOVE YOU MUMMY!! =)